Spray painting your name on
a wall is just like peeing on a
tree, except you can't buy pee at
a hardware store.

Always look down into the
toilet bowl when you are done... it's
good to see where you've been.

When life bumps you from first
class to coach, fart a whole lot
and really stink up the place,
that'll show 'em.

If a tree falls in the woods
and you don't hear it, it's still
dead, man.

When you're slamming in the
pit and you lose your studded
bracelet, gosh darn that sucks.

When life gives you lemons, make
lemonade, spit in it, and serve it to
all the people who've pissed you off.

Consider world peace. And
while you are doing that, I'll be
over here stealing your stuff.

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