*Volume 11 * * April 2000*
Inside This Newsletter
Lesbian Domestic Violence
How widespread is the problem? According to Shawna Virago, senior domestic violence
advocate at the San Francisco outreach program Community United Against Violence, domestic
violence (DV) occurs in 25 to 33 percent of same-sex relationships, the same as it does in
heterosexual relationships. Other figures are equally unsettling: One in four homicides result from
domestic violence; alcohol and/or drug abuse is involved in about 65 percent of domestic abuse;
and the FBI estimates that only 10 percent of all spousal beatings are even reported to
authorities.
Most of us are in denial about what this means. No one wants to entertain the idea of violence
within a seemingly loving relationship. "When someone we love begins to control and hurt us,"
wrote counselor Lisa Holland in the NCADV Voice, a quarterly magazine aimed at understanding
and stopping domestic violence, "the truth is so painful that we often downplay reality." And
lesbians have had to deal with so many attacks from outside our community that we’re often
reluctant to "out" this very real, potentially fatal problem from within. As activist/advocate
Joyce Grover noted in Social Worker magazine, we "don’t want to give more ammunition to our
oppressors. [We] want to believe that women are different…that women are inherently
non-violent." But avoiding the problem won’t help solve it. What will is rigorous honesty about
what happens when lesbian domestic violence occurs and empowering ourselves to change it.
A typical victim of lesbian DV is a typical lesbian. No one—butch, femme, stealth or
androgynous—plans to get hit by her partner or seeks out an abusive situation. The first incident
of violence usually comes as a nasty surprise. The victim won’t want to believe what is
happening and may blame herself rather than her lover. Her emotional power in the abusive
situation is significantly compromised by her love for her partner. And the abuser knows this.
Still, let us be clear: The victim does not cause the violence perpetrated against her; that is the
sole responsibility of the abuser.If you are being abused, do not blame yourself. You did not ask to be treated this way, nor do
you deserve it. Trust your own instincts and, if necessary, leave. First and foremost seek out
support from friends, family, community organizations—anywhere you can find it.
If you are an abuser, take responsibility for your own feelings. Your lover did not create your
negative self-image, you did. So stop making her pay for your fear and despair. You are
externalizing responsibility for your pain. You need counseling, but first you need to take responsibility and Please seek help.
If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, offer your help: Listen, refrain from
judgment and support your friend’s decisions (even if she is not yet ready to leave). Provide
information on shelters, help obtain a restraining order and back off when she tells you to.
Numerous support services are available for both abusers and their victims. The National
Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE) will refer callers to outreach programs in all 50 states.
Operators are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and have been trained to handle
calls from lesbians and gay men as well as transgendered, bisexual and straight people. (You can
also reach the hotline via email at www.ndh.org.)
It is vitally important that we do not fail our sisters—or ourselves—by ignoring this issue. It may
not stimulate the liveliest party patter, but lesbian domestic violence must be openly
acknowledged and discussed or it will continue to plague our community. It will not go away on
its own.
Domestic Partner Rights OK’d by Assembly Panel
A trio of bills expanding the rights
of domestic partners to include inheriting property,
making funeral arrangements and legal standing to
sue for wrongful death were approved yesterday by
a key Assembly committee.
The new proposed rights for domestic partners are
contained in three bills: AB 1990 by Romero, AB
2047 by Assemblyman Darrell Steinberg,
D-Sacramento and AB 2211 by Assemblywoman
Sheila Kuehl, D- Santa Monica.
A domestic partnership is defined as a couple, over
18 years of age, ``who have chosen to share one
another's lives in an intimate and committed
relationship of mutual caring.''
To date, the Secretary of State's office, which
maintains the registry, has received 2,805
applications.
The bills still must move through the Assembly and
be approved by the Senate before being sent to
Davis.
For partners who register with the state, the three
bills give them the right to:
* Sue for negligent infliction of emotional distress
and wrongful death, the same right spouses have.
* Make funeral arrangements and autopsy
decisions for a partner.
* Be the conservator for a partner or the partner's
estate.
* Be a beneficiary of a partner's will.
* Inherit property from a partner if that partner has
no will.
*Act as administrator of a partner's estate.
Is there a CURE?
Written by:Bestwolf
For decades homosexuals have been scapegoats for every ill permeating our culture.
There are those who claim to "cure" gays and lesbians of their sexual orientation. From
the stern educational films of the '50s and '60s to today's "truth-in-love" proponents,
hundreds of so-called "mental health professionals" have, through the decades, striven
to convert everyone to heterosexuality. Tactics used run the gamut from enforced
gender role-playing to abusive language to electro-shock "therapy". These miracle
workers and "scientists" come armed with scripture coated in science, and truckloads
of money. This money in the form of grants from the government comes from people
like you and me, who pay taxes to the power lords to continuously pass laws to keep the
homosexual community in second class citizen status.
What do you see in this movement? Is it a chance to end the self-loathing some of us
have felt since early childhood, a chance for acceptance, a chance to be normal - to be
like everyone else. The problem is, many mental health professionals have found with
these programs is they simply don't work. Many feel they actually make matters worse;
survivors of ex-gay programs often report feeling more suicidal, more depressed, and
more confused than ever. The American Psychological Association tends to agree
with them.
The very existence of these programs suggests that homosexuality is something to be
cured, like a disease. Many feel that because reprogramming the mind in this matter does
not work, it serves only to legitimize homophobic violence and anti-gay sentiment.
Military survey is scary
Military: In survey of 72,000 troops, 37% say
they've witnessed or been targets of anti-homosexual
abuse.
WASHINGTON--Pentagon officials conceded
Friday that they have uncovered a "disturbing" level of
gay harassment in the U.S. military and ordered a new
effort to implement and enforce the controversial policy
governing treatment of homosexuals.
Officials released a Pentagon inspector general's
survey of 72,000 troops around the world that found
37% have witnessed or been targets of gay harassment
directed at service members. In addition, more than 80% reported hearing
offensive speech, derogatory names or jokes at least
once over the last year and 85% said that they believe
anti-gay comments are tolerated at their installations or
aboard their ships.
Under the policy, gays may serve in the military
provided they do not disclose their sexual orientation or
commit homosexual acts. And authorities should not
pursue suspected gays without cause, and harassment
of suspected homosexuals is prohibited. Service personnel
would leave early, speculated, rather than risk exposure.
The survey suggests that younger, less educated
men are more likely to use anti-gay speech and that the
Marines are more likely to do so than members of the
Air Force.
Court rules university fees will fund ALL groups
In a victory for gay student groups,
the U.S. Supreme Court ruled
unanimously Wednesday that a
university does not violate the First
Amendment by imposing a mandatory
student fee that is used to support a
wide range of student groups,
including gay student groups to which
some students object.
A group of seven conservative
students at the University of
Wisconsin brought the case, University of Wisconsin v. Southworth,
saying they objected to paying the student fee because the pool of fee
money from all the students was used to support 18 campus groups that
they objected to. The 18 groups were among more than 100 student groups that received
some funding from the fee pool. Four of the 18 groups were gay-related;
one was a women’s group that took a pro-gay stand on an issue. The
amount of money that went to the 18 groups, in total, was about 50 cents
of each student’s $166.75 fee.
Editors note:If you can't beat them, join them!!!
Rabbis can preside at gay ceremonies
GREENSBORO, N.C. - Reform
Jewish leaders on Wednesday
overwhelmingly approved a resolution giving
rabbis the option of presiding at gay
commitment ceremonies.
With the vote, the Central Conference of American Rabbis became the
most influential U.S. religious group to sanction same-sex unions.
The resolution applies to the 1,800 members of the Central Conference
of American Rabbis, who serve at least 1.5 million Reform Jews.
Reform Judaism is the largest and most liberal of Judaism's three major
branches in North America.
Rabbi Charles Kroloff, CCAR's
president, said the resolution shows the
conference's belief that ``gay and
lesbian Jews, and the committed
relationships they form with their
partners, deserve the recognition and
respect due to people created in the
image of God.''
Study Links Finger Size to Sexuality
A provocative study of finger lengths found that lesbians are more likely than other women to have a subtle
masculine trait, while gay men may display that same characteristic more than heterosexuals. The research adds to an expanding body of evidence that sexual orientation is at least partly a matter of
biology - and not simply a choice or a result of cultural or psychological influences. It also provides evidence for the theory that exposure to higher levels of male sex hormones in the womb
can help make a person lesbian or gay, despite the stereotype of effeminate gay men, the researchers say.
The researchers at the University of California at Berkeley built their
study on an already known quirk of human anatomy: Men tend to have
shorter index fingers than ring fingers. In women, those two fingers tend
to be about the same length.
The study also found that the fingers of lesbians were closer to the typical male configuration - with the shorter index finger - than
the fingers of other women. The finding points to higher levels of male sex hormones in early life for
lesbians, the researchers said. The researchers also found indirect evidence of a similar trait in gay men.
Many researchers, including those in the Berkeley study, suspect that homosexuality stems from a complex
interplay of biological, social and psychological factors.
Editors note: Now look for a ring and the length!!
Independent Spirit Awards
As with the Oscars, Boys Don't Cry's Hilary Swank and Chloe Sevigny were nominated for Best Actress
and Best Supporting Actress, and both won at the Indies (the Academy only chose Swank). Kimberly
Peirce's film based on the life of murdered transgender Brandon Teena went in with four nominations.
Boys Don't Cry executive producer Pam Koffler of Killer Films won the Producers award, beating out
among others Homo Heights producer Christine Walker. Swank said in her acceptance speech, "What's
quite extraordinary, everyone in this room understands what it is to put your heart and soul into something
and not get paid a dime." She also praised Teena himself as an "independent spirit."
The big winner at the Indies was Election, which went in with five nominations (tied with The Limey)
instead of the one it took into the Oscars. Election includes a notable lesbian character, but while that role
brought Jessica Campbell a Best Debut nomination, it didn't bring her a prize. Instead, the film won Best
Picture, Alexander Payne won Best Director, and Payne and Jim Taylor won Best Screenplay.
Steve Zahn won Best Supporting Actor for his pretend-to-be-gay role in Happy, Texas (which is not
without actual gay roles), the big contract winner at the 1998 Sundance Festival.
Gay director Pedro Almodovar's Todo Sobre Mi Madre (All About My Mother) actually lost out to the
German Run Lola Run in the foreign film category, even though the Spanish film took the Oscar.
And the Oscar goes to....
Gays wrote the Best Picture, directed the Best Foreign Film and composed the Best
Original Score, but the strongest statement for diversity came from the Best Actress, who played
Brandon Teena. It was a winning night for gays as the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences distributed its 72nd "Oscar" awards on March 26 in Los Angeles.
The Gay Screenwriter - Alan Ball
American Beauty went in with eight nominations and topped the field with five wins in an important victory
for DreamWorks SKG, but everyone agreed it all grew out of Alan Ball's Best Original Screenplay, the
gay veteran television writer/producer's first produced film script. The other trophies were for Best
Picture, Best Director for first-time film director Sam Mendes, Best Actor for Kevin Spacey, and Best
Cinematography for Conrad L. Hall.
The Gay Filmmaker - Pedro Almodovar
Appropriately enough, it was Antonio Banderas, along with Peneleope Cruz, who announced the nominees
for Best Foreign Language Film and the gay winner, Pedro Almodovar, for his sex- and gender-diverse
Todo Sobre Mi Madre (All About My Mother). "Pedro!" Banderas shouted. Almodovar, previously a
nominee for his 1988 Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, claimed his Oscar saying, "This is
for Spain!" As Almodovar relished his moment in the spotlight, thanking all those who had prayed for him,
ignoring the music cue to wind up, Banderas tugged him off the stage. Host Billy Crystal remarked that
compared to Almodovar, last year's memorable winner Roberto Benigni was an English teacher.
The Gay Composer - John Corigliano
Best Original Score went to gay classical composer John Corigliano for The Red Violin. The
Canadian-co-produced film had previously won him the 1999 Genie Award. In his acceptance speech,
Corigliano noted the difference between the solitary activity of composing his classical oeuvre and the
teamwork involved in filmmaking.
The Actress Who Played Transgender - Hilary Swank
Previously little-known Hilary Swank was rocketed to fame by her work as real-life murdered Nebraska
transgender Brandon Teena in the low-budget independent Boys Don't Cry, and the trophies she's been
amassing as a result (Golden Globe, Los Angeles Film Critics Circle, New York Film Critics Circle,
ShoWest Star of Tomorrow, Independent Spirit) were capped with the Best Actress Oscar against
first-rate competition. She began her acceptance speech remarking, "We've come a long way," to a roar of
self-appreciation from the industry audience. "I think this movie wouldn't've been made 3-1/2 years ago.
We made it for under $2-million and now this, it's quite remarkable." She continued, "I think this movie
opens the door to letting people know what's going on in society and putting an end to intolerance in the
future. It is a very big night in history because of this." She noted that, "Everyone put their heart and their
soul into this movie." Swank saved her final ap! pr! eciation for the person behind the film and said, "I want
to thank Brandon Teena for being such an inspiration to us all. His legacy lives on in our movie to remind
us to always be ourselves, to follow our hearts, to not conform. I pray for the day when we not only accept
our differences but we actually celebrate our diversity."
Short Time Topic's
"There is a Goddess after all!!! As of today I have been allowed to return to work.
I was beginning to seriously think that this day would never come…Bestwolf
All of you ladies out there are invited to write for MSH. Please keep articles to a minimum in size
and of interest to many. No personal articles will be accepted and the editor has the right to edit or deny any articles submitted.
Now that there's professional women's basketball, there are rumors going around New England that women's baseball teams might not be far behind.
One chauvinistic sports writer for a well-known newspaper in the area even suggested they attract fans by going topless. He added they could even be called the "Boston Globes."
Why do we need My Sisters House? In the last days of February 2000, a 96 year old
woman who had entrusted herself to the care of a nursing home in Manchester, NH,
was raped by a male nursing assistant. Rape is not about sex; rape is about power!!
This is not a freak happening! It happens all around the country. Everyday!! Living
at My Sisters House, we hope will give you a sense of family, where rape will NOT be
part of the things you will have to worry about.
In this day and age when the next thing you can count on besides death and
taxes is the crashing of ones computer. I would like to thank Luv2much for
taking on the task of making sure that MSH newsletter was written and sent
out to all the wonderful ladies that read us every month and silently give us
the support we need to carry on with this project. When the old puter
decides to take a nose-dive, it is very gratifying to know that someone is
there to pick up the slack and see that things are taken care of. Thank you
Luv2much.
Although in some cases the margin was slim,(e.g., Montpelier, the state
capital of Vermont, rejected legal marriage 1,501 – 1,300), the votes are
getting closer and closer to the day that legalized marriages will come to
pass. It has been said that a baby born today will see this come to pass.
How I wish I were going to be around when the homosexual community
becomes seen as "normal" by all the rest of the people.
Computer
Economics projects that between 2001 and 2005, the number of gay and
lesbian Internet users will grow from 13.5 million to 22.4. In addition to
the growth in gay and lesbian Internet users, the online population of
users affiliated with the gay and lesbian community will grow rapidly in
the next five years. Computer Economics estimates that family, friends,
co-workers and others affiliated with gays and lesbians will total 28.5 million in 2001 and rise to 46.1 million
by 2005.
General Electric Co. will be adding sexual orientation as a protected category in its non-discrimination
policies and including related topics in its diversity training programs, thanks to shareholder activism by
the Seattle-based Pride Foundation, the New York-based Equality Project and sculptor Marianne
Weill. GE is number five among the Fortune 500, about half of which explicitly prohibit sexual
orientation-based discrimination. The Fairfield, Connecticut-based corporation has 340,000 employees
worldwide. Pride Foundation executive director Ted Lord said, "In so many ways, GE sets the standard
for global businesses. Every GE employee -- regardless of title or stature -- will acknowledge the
policies that now explicitly bar discrimination based on sexual orientation."
Continental Airlines, the fifth-largest U.S. airline, has included domestic partner benefits in a new
four-year contract with the union representing its 8,500 flight attendants, the International Association of
Machinists and Aerospace Workers. After six months of negotiations, the contract appears to be
ratified, although the official vote count is not yet completed. As well as granting gay and lesbian workers' same-gender partners the same benefits as married
spouses, flight attendants will all receive a "companion travel" benefit under which any individual they
designate will receive the same flight discounts and benefits as do the employees themselves.
Summer is close to here, and airlines are already fighting over fees. You can get good deals by knowing just a few tips. The first tip, Advance purchase, most airlines after a discount rate if the ticket is purchased 14-21 days in advance. The second tip, Shop around, don't just go with what ever airline you think of first.
Third tip, try different airports, times and/or days, some airlines after discount rates on certain days or at certain times. Fourth tip, Don't be afraid to try the internet to shop around, some airlines like Southwest offer a discount to on-line purchases. Fifth tip, try online services and Travel agents for discount tickets. Enjoy your vacations by starting them off right!!
My Sisters House
P.O. BOX 6441
Laconia, N.H. 03246
All rights reserved © 2000
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