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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
On some Swan frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head. (The big one or the little one?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on bottom of the box)=20 Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)
(I love it: food to piss you off.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit?)
On a child superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
For those of you who question the reality of these directions, DelMonte once removed the directions it had on its cans of corn which read: Open can, heat, serve. However, so many people complained about the missing directions they had to put them back on!
