1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two or more.
3. When giving directions, finish with "and it's right down yonder on
the left." Confuses the bejesus out of 'em.
4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you canunderstand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready
when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. (This really does annoy 'em!)
Better yet, Dr. Pepper...
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a
ruckus.
9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa
Marie-John Michael-Jim Bob. . you get the idea)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in
conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always
interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady."
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's
"Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can". (Amen) My dad says Pee-Can...he's a Hoosier
14. Put Tabasco on everything.
15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New
York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yawk!",
say "Well, I'll be darned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway
show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box
of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba". (or just call em that!)
18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction.
19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school.
20. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do. Isn't that true???
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations...Offends
the heck out of 'em. but we're just being polite, sir!
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go
down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used
to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn
right there..." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and
follow it until you see a big fish on your left.
24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went
driving around in your convertible this weekend.
25. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time
