A man goes to the doctors, he sits down in the waiting room for the
doctor to call his name, while he is waiting,
another man walks in an sits down, they look nervously
around the room then there eyes meet so they politely say hello,
and then one says to the other, what you here for ??
the first man nervously clears his throat and says,
well its a bit embarrassing,
I have a red ring round my cock, the second guys says no shit !!
wow, I have a green ring round mine !!
the first guy is stunned, he says now thats strange,
just then the nurse came in and called the first guy into the doctors room.
The doctor asks what the problem is,
so the guys says, well doctor its a bit embarrassing,
I have a red ring round my cock,
the doctor says, ok lets take take a look, so the guy whips it out for the doc,
he says, ok , go home, get some good soap, and wash it real well in the shower,
and everything will be fine, so the guy thanks the doc and walks out, he is about to leave
when he thinks about the second guy,
so he pops his head round the door and say, hey, its ok,
the doc just told me to get some good soap and go home and wash it real well,
the second guy says, wow thats great !! he feels a lot better now, so he is call into the docs office,
the doc says what the problem, so he says,
doc, its a bit embarrassing, I have a green ring round my cock !!
the doc says ok lets take a look, so the guy gets it out,
the doc says oooooo,
I dont like the look of that at all,
we might have to take that off !!
WHAT screams the guy !!!!
you just told that other guy with a red ring round his to just go home and wash it, and mines is going
to be cut off, !!!
well said the doctor, thats the differnce between lipstick and
gangarene.
~submitted by jinx ips
As an airplane is about to
crash a female
passenger jumps up frantically
and announces,
"If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling
like a
woman." She removes all her clothing and
asks, "Is there someone on this
plane who is man
enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt
and says, "Here, iron this".
Okay I was thinking, I wonder what it
would be like if men got pregnant and well
this is what I came up with...
...maternity leave would last two years, with full pay.
...there would be a cure for stretch marks.
...natural childbirth would become obsolete.
...morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
...all methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
...all children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
...men would be eager to talk about commitment.
...they wouldn't think twins were so cute.
...sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 pm.
...women would rule the world.
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a wish and threw
in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish,
too. But she leaned over too much,
fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then
smiled and said, "It really works!"
Q: Why do woman fake orgasms?
A: Because men fake foreplay!
Q: If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building
at the same time, who
would reach the ground first?
A: The woman--the man would get Lost.
Q: Why do doctors slap babies' butts when they are first born?
A: To knock the penises off the smart ones! LOL
Q: How do you make your wife scream during sex?
A: Call her up and tell her where you're at!
To My Dear Wife,
During the past year, I have tried to make love
to you 365 times. I have
succeeded 12 times.
The following list is why I didn't succeed often.
1. The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times
2. It is too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 times
3. Too tired from shopping all day. . . . . . . . . . 49 times
4. It is too early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 times
5. It is too hot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
6. Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
7. The neighbors will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 times
8. Headache. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 itmes
9. Sunburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 times
10. Your Mother will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 times
11. Not in the mood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .43 times
12. You will wake the baby. . . . . . . . . . .. . . .17 times
13. Watching the late show. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 6 times
14. New Hairdo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 times
15. Too sore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 times
16. Wrong time of month. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
17. Have to get up early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 times
Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity
was not satisfactory because 2
times you
just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that
there was a crack
in the ceiling,
3 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with,
2
times I had to wake you up to tell
you that I had finished, and once I was
afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
To My Dear Husband,
I think that you have gotten things a little
confused. Here are the real
reasons you
did not get it more often than you did.
1. Came home drunk and tried to "do" the cat. . . . . . 15 times
2. Did not come home at all. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
3. Did not come. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 times
4. Came too soon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 times
5. Went soft before you got it in. . . . . . . . . . . .33 times
6. Toes cramped. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 times
7. Working too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 times
8. Have to get up early to play golf. . . . . . . . . . 29 times
9. Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls. . . 2 times
10. Caught Herman in your zipper. . . . . . . . . . . . .4 times
11. Caught a cold and your nose kept running. . . . . . .3 times
12. Burned your tongue on hot coffee. . . . . . . . . . .3 times
13. You had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . . . . 2 times
14. Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book. . . . 16 times
15. Watching football on TV. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .98 times
16. Hemorrhoids flared up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 times
Of the times we did get together, the reason
I laid still was because you
were "doing" the
sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling.
What I said was, would you prefer me on my
back or kneeling. The time you
felt me
move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe!!
Do you have a joke you'd like to add?
Send it to us and we'll give u credit
for it even if you didn't write it!
*LOL*
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