|
Talking about the husband of a female caller who had an abusive past:
ADAM: He's not a great guy, is he? About acting out: "It's a random thing that happens 100% of the time. Everyone's different, everyone's an individual, everyone chooses their own path, but they just act out on their past 100% of the time." To a 16-year-old female caller who is having a purely sexual relationship with an 18-year-old guy:
ADAM: Where's your dad? About acting out: "You don't want it, but you won't have it any other way." To a female caller who is choosing horrible boyfriends because her dad neglected her: "Listen to me. Your dad screwed with you, so now all guys sort of become daddy to you, whether you know it or not. You have two choices. You can blindly follow that; or, you can stop, ask what you're doing, examine your life a little, get some therapy, straighten out a couple of issues, and then be freed from these shackles and go on and make your own decisions. All you idiots out there, you think your making your own decisions, but you're really on autopilot. I can predict where every single one of you is going. It's so predictable. I sit here night after night, I listen to people, and I know exactly where they were, where they are, and where they're going. It's the easiest thing to figure out. It's like I'm looking at a blueprint, and I can tell you what the outcome is. And it's not good. You gotta get some counseling and some therapy, and you need to stop acting out. I'm not saying that you're not gonna solve all your problems this weekend. But at least don't get pregnant, don't get into abusive relationships, don't get herpes, don't get AIDS, and don't get hooked on heroin. Just stop all the acting out! And don't hatch out a couple of kids and screw them up, just like you got screwed up. Then I'll be paying a ton in tax money to bail everyone out, and keep people incarcerated, and keep the whole cycle going. That's what's gonna happen unless you stop acting out. I don't know why no one else seems to want to talk about this, and I don't know why the government doesn't talk about it. I don't think it's the government's job, but on the other hand, you gotta run this country like a business. Figure this stuff out. It's a no-brainer." To a 14-year-old girl who is having sex with a 21-year-old guy: "I know your dad's a world-class A-hole, but that doesn't mean you have to seek out the runner-up in the A-hole competition." To a 16-year-old girl whose dad went to jail, and who is having sex with a 24-year-old guy who has two kids and who made her get an abortion once: "Do you have to sabotage your life, or can't you just live it? You know what I mean? If yo're not gonna go to college, study, or learn to play the piano, at least don't F— up your life intentionally. It's like, if you're not gonna go get your car's oil changed, at least don't pour sand in it." Also... "Let's pray. I pray to God that you're infertile." To a caller who wants to get his penis pierced:
ADAM: You want to do that to your penis because somebody molested you, right? To a girl who refused to admit that she had been abused, but Adam and Drew suspected it:
ADAM: What does your stepdad do for a living? About the three-year-old son of a female caller whose husband beat her and cheated on her: "You know what kills me? When he's seventeen, he's gonna shoot somebody, or do something stupid like that, and we as a society are gonna want to see him in the electric chair. But right now, at this stage, he's just a lump of clay being molded by the world's worst, drunkest artists." To a 21-year-old woman whose two young sons beat on each other because they saw their father beat on her: "Listen. Here's the deal. You got two sons that we're gonna see on COPS in about eleven or twelve years. I swear to god, if those boys hurt anyone, YOU are going to be responsible." ADAM: I was talking to one of my degenerate buddies today, and we were talking about all our friends that were troublemakers: the guys who got in a lot of fights, the guys who were in and out of jail, the guys who had bouts with drugs and alcohol— DREW: No dad? ADAM: No dad. "No dad" was the throughline with all these guys: all the guys that were getting tossed out of school for fighting, all the guys that were getting DUIs, all the guys that were getting in scrapes with the law and scrapes with their girlfriends and wives, all the guys that were still living at home. All the losers, all the troublemakers, all the violent guys, and all the potential criminals were all the guys without dads. When betting on a girl who became a lesbian at age 14: "I'm just going with 'excelled at softball since a really early age.'" To a guy who found out that his girlfriend is actually a man that had a sex-change operation:
CALLER: My parents were divorced when I was 1, so I was basically raised without a mother. Do you think that had anything to do with it? To a female caller, about her mother, who picked boyfriends that abused her: "I wish she'd just grow a pair a nuts, so you could just go over there and kick 'em." To a girl who was abused by her father, and consequently has picked abusive boyfriends:
ADAM: Let one of your friends pick a boyfriend for you. "Here's the problem with most of these abuse situations. It's not like we're talking to Ozzie and Harriet, and there's just one guy coming in and feeling up the kids. It's not just one guy that's gone south. There's always a whole history of crap going on." "The only chance we have for survival, as a country and as a planet, is if idiots stop having kids. Listen: either don't screw up your kids, or don't have any! It's a lot like owning a horse: If you can't keep it in a stall, feed it some hay, and brush it down once in a while, then don't have one! Do you see what I mean? Just don't have one and let it rot in the yard!" Talking to a caller whose dad is a minister:
DREW: Did your dad ever strike you? About a 14-year-old girl whose 25-year-old boyfriend beats her, and whose father beats her mother: "You know, if she had some math teacher who made her get up in front of the entire class and solve problems at the board, she would NEVER get NEAR another chalkboard, mathbook, or abacus again, EVER. But she can watch her dad beat her mom and then be horribly ATTRACTED to older men who beat her." About abused kids, and how the government emphasizes abuse less than it emphasizes second-hand smoke: "Believe me, these kids would be better off if they lived with Slash in a closet while he went through a carton of butts every day. They'd come out healthier, both physically and emotionally." "Listen up, fathers: if you want to mistreat your young daughter, congratulations. You'll be seeing her in a porn movie later on." To a 23-year-old mother with three kids:
CALLER: I'm not a typical young mother of three. We own a house. To a 22-year-old, pregnant caller whose boyfriend is an abusive cheater:
DREW: Where's your dad? To a caller who both Adam and Drew think was abused:
CALLER: I lived a sheltered life. "If a girl gets molested at age three, she later becomes a prostitute; if a girl instead gets molested at ten, she later turns lesbian." "Fathers: be nice to your daughters, or else later on they'll go out with guys who call them 'skanky bitches.'" To a 15-year-old, bisexual girl who is having a purely sexual relationship with a 20-year-old guy:
ADAM: Where's your dad? To a girl whose grandfather molested her:
ADAM: Where is he now? To a caller who is acting out: "Stop acting out, please. You have kids. Don't screw them up." "There will always be guys in their twenties who are willing to date 14- or 15-year-olds. And as long as we live in a society where Papa isn't around, there will always be 14- or 15-year-old girls who are willing to seize that opportunity to get the paternal attention they never got." To a 16-year-old caller who is pregnant with her second child, married, and having an affair:
ADAM: You know the Jerry Springer show? To all messed-up people who want to have kids: "Do whatever you want; have sex with an otter if you have to. But don't have kids and start acting out. For me, that's just one more mouth to feed, and one more prison to build to house the kid later on. I don't want to eventually be shot by this person." About a caller who now cuts herself because here stepdad and stepbrother had abused her: "She would've been better off if her mom had just married a Kodiak bear and brought THAT into the house." To a caller who said that she has had no relationships with guys, but twenty minutes into the call revealed that she had been molested in her childhood: "Listen. Next time, before we spend 20 minutes trying to guess your weight, jump right in with the molestation part."
|