Armstrong
It seems when Apollo Mission Astronaut, Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks - usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut, however, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian nor American space programs.
Over the years many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. A few months ago, (Jul 05, Tampa Bay FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. He finally responded.
It seems that Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr and Mrs. Gorksy. As he leaned down to pick it up, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex, oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Chinese Torture
Once there was a man that suvived a terrible Plane crash and was lost in a forest...... He had no idea where he was or which way to go. He wandered for days and survived on berries and twigs. He was much to slow to catch any kind of animal and couldn't even start a fire. He should have joined the boy scouts when he was young.
After two week of wondering he found a thin but three story house with smoke coming out of the chimney. Without hesitation he knocked on the door.
A little Man answered the door. He had a long white beard that hung almost to the floor.
"Please I need some food and Shelter." Said the young man.
"This I will give you but you must promise not to fool with my lovely daughter." the old man said.
"Thank you and I wouldn't think of messing with your daughter."
"For if you do I will inflict the three most gruesome Chinese torture tests that have ever been devised."
The man to weak agreed not thinking that any woman could arrouse him in his weak state.
After a shower and some sleep the man came down to eat. A grand dinner was set up and the man sat to eat. The old man's daugther entered the room and to great surprise of the young man, she was most beautiful. So beautiful that the man could hardly tear his eyes away from her during the meal.
Later that night the man crept into the girls room just to take one last look at her for he promised to leave early the next morning with a map the old man gave him. When he opened the door he saw the girl was awake and to his surprise she ushered him in. Well being stuck in a forest with just your father doesn't surpress all urges so one thing lead to another. They were as quiet as possible not to wake the old man. After a few hours (Wow) the man crept to his room thinking that any torture would be worth what he>just had done. He fell asleep thinking of her.
He got up and felt an enormous pain on his chest. It was a rock with a sign on it. It said:
1st Chinese torture, 100 pound rock on chest!
Well this wasn't hardly what the man thought would rate as torture and threw the rock out the window. As he did this he saw a second sign just outside the window it said:
>2nd Chinese torture, Left testicle tied to 100 pound rock!
The man with out hesitation jumped out the window knowing a 3 story drop would be far beter than what was in store for him.
As he fell to the ground he saw a large sign on the ground. It said:
3rd Chinese torture, Right testicle tied to bed post!
Hell..
A man died and went to hell. Upon arrival he met with the CDIC (Chief Devil in Charge). Devil: We run things a bit differently nowadays, you get to pick your own personal hell. Man: That's not so bad, whatcha got? Devil: Well, I'm going to open a series of doors, look inside, assess the situation and then tell me if that's where you want to spend eternity. Man: OK. The devil opens the first door and there's a room of people standing on their heads on a hardwood floor. Man: Ouch, that seems painful. It's not for me, what's next. The devil opens the next door to reveal the same situation, only on concrete floors. Man: That looks worse, got anything left. The devil opens the third door to reveal a room full of people standing knee deep in shit drinking coffee. Man: Well, the shit smells but I could stand the smell and drink coffee all day. I'll take this one. Devil: Are you sure this is the one you want. Man: Absolutely! The devil then escorts him in the room shuts and locks the door. As soon as the door closes, a whistle blows and a loud speaker says "Alright, coffee break is over, back on your heads."
The beautiful secretary of the Managing Partner of Goldman Sachs goes to a
sight-seeing tour with a very rich African King who was a very important
client. The client, out of the blue, asks her to marry him.
Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her
boss told her. Don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way
to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few
minutes,
the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions.
First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a
matching
200 carat diamond tiara."
The African man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says "No
problem!! I have. I have."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I
want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I
want
a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."
The king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some
brokers
in New York, then he calls some brokers in France. He looks at the woman, nods
his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."
Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd
better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets
an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and
says, rather coldly, " I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch penis."
The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his
elbows on the table. All the while, he's muttering something in African
dialect. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head,
looking real sad, says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. I cut."
Loosing weight
Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world
in an
attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight
Watchers, and many more. None worked.
Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad
that read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 555-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other
end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
The man responded, "Ten pounds."
The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we"ll
have a
representative over to your house in the morning."
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a
beautiful redhead, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating,
"If you catch me, you can have me."
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas,
through the
kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing like a dog,
he did
catch her. When he was through enjoying himself, she said, "Quick, go into the
bathroom and weigh yourself." He did just that and was amazed to find that he
had lost ten pounds,
right to the ounce!
That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end asked,
"How
much weight do you want to lose?"--to which the somewhat-less-overweight man
replied, "Twenty pounds."
"Very well," the voice on the phone told him, "Give me your credit card number
and we"ll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the door.
When he
opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in track shoes and a
sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me." The chase
took a good while longer this time and the man nearly passed out, but he
finally did catch her. When he was through she told him, "Quick, run into the
bathroom and weigh yourself." He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost
another 20 pounds!
"This is fantastic!" he thought to himself. Later that evening he called the
number again and the voice at the other end asked, "How much weight do you
want
to lose?" "Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed. "Fifty pounds?" the voice asked,
"That"s an awful lot of weight to lose at one time." The man replied, "Listen
buddy, here"s my credit card number, you just have your representative over
here in the morning!" and he hung up the phone.
About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, splashes on some
cologne and gets all ready for the next representative.
At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door, he sees
this large gorilla with a sign around his neck stating,
"IF I CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO SCREW YOU."
One day, in an effort to help stir up a class full of listless students,
Loretta asked the students to each come up and put on the blackboard something
that had caused a lot of excitement around their houses lately.
Of course, Little Johnny was the first student to raise his hand, but Loretta
knew he was going to write something dirty, so she called on Nancy instead.
Nancy went up to the board and drew a flower, stating that the flowers they'd
planted that spring were all blooming, and that was causing a lot of
excitement
around their house.
Loretta said, "That's very nice, Nancy. Okay, who wants to go next?"
Again, Little Johnny is waving up a storm in the back of the room, but Loretta
doesn't want to call on him because he's going to write something dirty.
Instead, she calls on little Timmy, who goes up to the board and draws a stick
figure of an animal.
"What kind of animal is that?" asks Loretta.
"That's a puppy," says Timmy. "We just got one of those, and it's caused a lot
of excitement around our house lately."
"That's very nice, Timmy," she replies. "Who wants to go next?"
Now Little Johnny is waving more than ever; finally unable to ignore him any
longer, Loretta says, "Okay, Johnny, you're next."
Little Johnny goes up to the front of the classroom and draws a single dot on
the board.
"What's that?" she asks (afraid of what the answer is going to be).
"That's a period," answers Little Johnny. "My sister's missed two of
those, and
you can bet that's caused a lot of excitement around OUR house!"
