Quotes, April 2000
01. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
- Don Marquis
02. Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.
- Billy Rose
03. Marty: You're marrying this girl?
Davis: It's not marriage! It's an informal arrangement where she humiliates me in public and makes my life difficult, and in return I let her live in my home.
Marty: That's marriage.
- Steve Martin in "House Sitter"
04. "You didn't want a blowjob so the least I could do is get you a tie."
- Mira Sorvino in "Mighty Aphrodite"
05. Dale Putley: Jack, look at this.
Jack Lawrence: It's money. I remember it from when I was single.
- Billy Crystal in "Father's Day"
06. "You aren't too bright, are you? I like that in a man."
- Kathleen Turner, "Body Heat"
07. Kleinmann: I've never paid for sex in my life.
Prostitute: You just think you haven't.
- Woody Allen in "Shadows and Fog"
08. "This is where the law stops, and I start."
- Sylvester Stallone in "Cobra"
09. "People who talk in metaphors should have to shampoo my crotch."
- Jack Nicholson in "As good as it gets"
10. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
11. No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
- Edgar Watson Howe
12. There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
- Oscar Wilde
13. When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
- George Bernhard Shaw
14. The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
more important to do.
- Unknown
15. People will listen a great deal more patiently while you explain your mistakes than when you explain your successes.
- Wilbur N. Nesbit
16. Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.
- George Bernard Shaw
17. In those parts of the world where learning and science have prevailed, miracles have ceased; but in those parts of it as are barbarous and ignorant, miracles are still in vogue.
- Ethan Allen
18. The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.
- John Adams
19. Religions are all alike – founded upon fables and mythologies.
- Thomas Jefferson
20. Redemption: Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sins through the murder of their deity against whom they sinned.
- Ambrose Bierce
21. The story of the redemption will not stand examination. That man should redeem himself from the sin of eating an apple by committing a murder on Jesus Christ, is the strangest system of religion ever set up.
- Thomas Paine
22. Jesus rose from the dead and the apostles came unto him saying "How's Elvis?"
- Unknown
23. God made his only son die on the cross to avenge his own anger against a man and woman four thousand years dead. Besides, the garbage disposal was sending radio signals through his head and it seemed like a really good idea at the time.
- Charles Fiterman
24. It is possible to pay another man's debts on his behalf, but it is not possible to make a guilty man innocent by suffering in his place.
- Carl Lofmark
25. Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
- Mark Twain
26. Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?
- Solomon Short
27. In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra
28. There is no security on this earth; there is only opportunity.
- General Douglas MacArthur
29. "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"
30. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Unknown
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