Quotes, August 2000
01. We have a political system called "Democracy" - from the Greek "demo" meaning "white men" and "cracy" meaning "wearing blue suits."
- Dave Barry
02. Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
03. Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
- John Stuart Mill
04. A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
- Alfred E. Wiggam
05.I am only serious about 20% of the time; one of the great joys of my life is the fact that I alone know when that is.
- Mark Richards
06. Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
- George Bernard Shaw
07. Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a minature machine gun.
- The Simpsons
08. Last week, some Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door, and I wouldn't let them leave. They snuck away when I went to get more lemonade.
- Homer Simpson
09. Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such.
- Homer Simpson
10. The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
- Homer Simpson
11. Homer: (whining that there is nothing good on t.v.) Marge, I'm bored...
Marge: Why don't you read a book, then?
Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
- The Simpsons
12. I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
- Homer Simpson
13. I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what's 'it' seems weird and scary.
- Grandpa Simpson
14. Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
-Ross MacDonald
15. My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family.
- Emo Phillips
16. I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money.
- Will Rogers
17. A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist, and too rich to be a communist.
- Unknown
18. Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it.
- Thomas Sowell
19. The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.
- Unknown
20. If all the envy in the world could be converted to energy it would more than exceed its known oil reserves.
- Unknown
21. I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
22. Live each day as if it were the last day of your life, because so far, it is.
- Unknown
23. When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard", I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"
- Sydney J. Harris
24. There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
- Woody Allen
25. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Redd Foxx
26. Universal suffrage is the government of a house by its nursery.
- Otto von Bismarck
27. Given that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and flattery will get you nowhere, it follows that imitation will get you nowhere.
- Unknown
28. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
29. My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream
while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy.
- Thornton Wilder
30. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
- Unknown
31. The dumber people are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
- William Clayton
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