Shaman:"You must be careful to end the ceremomy properly. If you leave, you must not do any work, change clothes or bathe for the next four days".
Mulder:"That's really gonna cut into my social life".
Mulder:"I'd like to try door number one, Monty".
*****
Mulder:"I think with a crowbar and a small nuclear device we might
be able to get through one of these things".
Sheriff:(Patronisingly to Scully):"They can detect every flash of lightening on this planet.Did you know that? See, each one emits radio waves at the same exact frequency…".
Mulder:"…of human resonance. Eight cycles per second. You can pick it up on any transistor radio.See that Sheriff? I did my homework".
*****
Scully:"That tread looks like a military boot. Men's…size 8 1/2".
Mulder:"8 1/2! That's pretty impressive, Scully".
Scully:"Well, it says right here on the bottom".
Mulder:"oh"
Mulder:"Mr Yappi, read this thought".
Mr Yappi:(concentrating then surprised):"So's you old man!".
*****
Mulder:"If my Miss Manners served me right, that protrusion
from his left cornea is a salad fork".
Mulder:"Imagine if it (reincarnation) were true, Scully - Imagine if you could come back and take out five people who had caused you to suffer. Who would they be?".
Scully:"Do I only get five".
Mulder:"I remembered your birthday this year, didn't I Scully".
Mulder:"Ok, it's not yet the detailed insanity that you've come to expect from me, but…".
Scully:"From a dry skin sample, you're concluding, what? - that he's
some kind of fat-sucking vampire?".
Scully:"That's spooky!".
Mulder:"That's my name, isn't it?".
Scully:"It's not your usual brand of entertainment…What is it?
Mulder:"According to the magazine ad I answered, it's an alien autopsy. Guaranteed authentic".
Scully:"You spent money for this?".
Mulder:"$29.95 plus shipping!"
*****
Skinner:"This morning his body was found floating face down in the
Seono Canal. I think we can assume he wasn't diving for pearls".
Scully: “Well done, Agent Pandrel. Keep up the good work”.
Pandrel: “Thanks, keep it up yourself!”.
Pandrel (to himself): “Keep it up yourself!? What a doof!”.
Mulder: “Either we’re dealing with a psychotic religious fanatic who’s hell bent on exposing three kinds of frauds, or a less pragmatic psycho who harbours a murderous resentment towards the church, or maybe it’s just a… uh… very disgruntled alter boy”.
*****
Kid (describing abductor): “He didn’t have no hair”.
Kid 2: “Cause it all burned off in hell!”.
Mulder: “Yeah… It looks like Kevin was abducted by Homer
Simpson’s evil twin”.
Scully (on the phone to Mulder): “ … the very idea of intelligent alien life is not only astronomically improbable, but at its most basic level… downright anti-Darwinian”.
Mulder: “Scully… What are you wearing?”.
*****
Mulder: “Dr Berenbaum, I’m going to have to ask you a few questions”.
Dr Bambi Berenbaum: “Such as?”.
Mulder: “What’s a woman like you doing in a place like this?”.
*****
Scully: “Her name is Bambi?”.
Mulder: “Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFO’s are really nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical airfields”.
Scully: “Her name is Bambi?”.
*****
Mulder: “Did you know the ancient Egyptians worshipped the Scarab Beetle and possibly erected the pyramids to honour them? They may just be giant symbolic dung heaps”.
Scully: “Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named Thomas Crapper?”.
*****
Dr Bambi Berenbaum: “ We differentiate (cockroach) species by their genitalia” (Looking at one under the microscope) “Oh my God!”.
Mulder: “Is it abnormal?”.
Dr Bambi Berenbaum: “I’ll say! He’s hung like a Club-tailed Dragonfly”.
Mulder: “If you detect a hint of skepticism or incredulity in Agent Scully’s voice, its because of the overwhelming evidence gathered by the FBI debunking virtually all claims of ritual abuse by satanic cults”.
Detective Angela White: “Is that true?”.
Mulder: “Don’t ask me”.
*****
Mulder: “If you detect a hint of impatience in Agent Scully’s voice, that’s because the FBI’s study also found that in most cases like the McMartin Preschool trial, witnesses were often prompted in their statements by rumours of stories that were being circulated, and that there was in fact nothing to support them”.
Detective Angela White: “How do you explain the burning coffin at the funeral?”.
Mulder: “Don’t ask me”.
*****
Mulder: “Go ahead”.
Scully: “No, you go ahead”.
Mulder: “No, no. Be my guest. I know how much you like snapping on the latex”.
*****
Mulder: “This may not be any time to mention it, but somebody is wearing my favourite perfume”.
*****
Scully: “I’m driving! Why do you always have to drive?! Because you’re theguy? Because you’re the big macho man?”.
Mulder: “No, I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals”.
Mulder: “It looked great on me in the store”.
Scully: “How did this Pusher convince an otherwise-honest deputy sheriff to free him? I’m sure you have a theory”.
Mulder: “Suggestion is a powerful force… as are most TV commercials. They’re designed to plant thoughts in your head”.
Scully: “Inducing someone to change their hair colour is a little different than inducing them to drive in front of a speeding truck”.
*****
Mulder: “Modell psyched the guy out. He put the whammy on him”.
Scully: “Please explain to me the scientific nature of the ‘whammy’!”.
Scully: “All her clothes were on inside out and backwards”.
Chung: “Oh, have I had my share of mornings like that”.
*****
Mulder: “So what if they had sex?”.
Scully: “So we know that it wasn’t an alien that probed her”.
Mulder: “At least they were having safe sex”.
Scully: “Business must be booming”.
Mulder: “ I think you mean banging!”.
Scully:“We eat fish and fish eat us”.
Mulder: “Are fish also known for eating half and saving half for later”.
*****
Scully: “You know on the Mariners’ maps, the cartographers would designate uncharted territories by writing ‘Here be Monsters’ “.
Mulder: “I’ve got a map of New York City just like that”.
*****
Scully: “How much you’re like Ahab. You’re so consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or its mysteries, that everything takes on a … a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology”.
Mulder: “Scully, are you coming on to me?”.
Mulder: “Hey Scully, would you think I was less of a man if I told you I was a little excited right now?”.
*****
Scully: “Nah Ram Ewe! Nah Ram Ewe!”.
Mulder: “Yeah that’ll work”.
Scully: “I baby-sat my nephew this weekend. He watches Babe fifteen times a day”.
Mulder: “People call me spooky”.
Mulder: “Dana, what if early in our four years together somebody told you that we’d been friends - always. Would it have changed the way we look at each other?”.
Scully: “Even if I know for certain, I wouldn’t change a day. (Pauses) Well, maybe that ‘Flukeman’ thing. I could have done without that just fine”.
Scully: “Mulder you have never remembered my birthday in the four years I have known you”.
Mulder: “That’s the way I like to celebrate - every four years. It’s like dog years”.
Scully: “Dog years. Thank You!”.
*****
Mulder: “It’s just something that reminded me of you”.
Scully: “What? An alien implant?”.
Mulder: “Two actually, I had them made into earrings”.
Mulder:“When you were admitted you said that the father was ‘from another planet’! What did you mean by that exactly?”.
Amanda: “Well, you know, he’s not from this planet”.
Mulder: “Where you abducted?”.
Amanda: “Huh? No, no. He dropped by my apartment one day, and one thing led to another”.
Mulder: “But the baby’s father is an alien?”.
Amanda: “No! I didn’t say he was an alien. I said he was from another planet. His name is Luke Skywalker. He’s what’s known as a Jedi Knight”.
Scully: “Did he have a light saber”.
Amanda: “No, he didn’t bring it”.
*****
Mulder: “I have a theory, you wanna hear it?”
Scully: “Van Blundht somehow physically transformed into his captor then, walked out the door, leaving no one the wiser?”.
Mulder: “Scully, should we be picking out china patterns or what?”.
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