You know what the best thing you could do?
Do you know the best I can get out of you?
I'll tell you it all.
So that I'll never fall.
Just come to my room in the middle of the night.
But don't turn on the light.
Look down at me sleeping,
Wonder what I'm dreaming.
Grab the pillow next to me,
And put it over my head, slowly.
Hold it tightly to my head,
So that I'll be dead.
Watch me squirm,
As my life comes to term.
Yes, I'll try and get free,
But this means a lot to me.
Please, when I become still,
Pull the pillow away and look at your kill.
Please, if they're open, close my eyes,
And wish me well in the skies.
Or down below,
Not sure where I'll go.
Please fix my hair,
And kiss me with much care.
For this would be the last kiss.
It's something that I'd have to miss.
But that is fine,
And can you tell me you love me one last time?
And then please fix my bed,
So that I look peaceful when I'm dead.
And if you would be so kind,
Could you close the door as you leave me behind?
Don't look back at me,
For I can not see.
It will only matter to you,
Please be careful with what you do.
For when I'm placed six feet below,
Please remember, and always know,
I love you, forever and eternity.
With all my heart, my soul, with every part of me.
And I'll always thank you,
For what you do.
It seems to me,
That this is the way it should be.
Since I'm already in this position mentally,
Why should I not be physically?
I'm mentally unable to get free,
Only it's my own hand holding it to me.
To tell you the truth,
I rather it be you.
That way I know I didn't do anything wrong,
And so that I might be happy forever long.
But knowing me,
I'd end up in hell for an eternity.
I can't get out of it here,
What makes me think I can there?
My breathing is becoming irregular now.
It's my own hand, do you ask how?
You really should know this,
Or is there a fact that I have missed?
Perhaps you'll join me one day.
No, you're to strong to go that way.
But for you I'll wait,
Until you're old and gray.
When you can't walk,
And you can't talk.
I'll wait until then,
If, but, and when.
For you, I'll wait until your life is through.
Because then I can be happy with you.
And then maybe I'll be able to breathe again.
But until then,
Would you please be so kind,
As to come here this one last time?
-Mandielynn
9/29/98
