This is what I want to find out,
And I will, no doubt.
Everybody dies,
And you supposedly go into the skies.
But do you really?
It doesn't seem real to me.
You just lay on the ground,
And hope to one day be found.
Hope that somebody loves you,
And can come to your rescue.
It's not death that scares me,
It is fascinating really.
Not knowing what happends when you die,
Nobody's can say they lived through it, unless they lie.
What happends when your eyes close for the very last time,
And you hope that everything is going to be fine.
Is it really?
I don't know, you tell me.
Do you really fly above,
Or below if you don't know how to love?
Is there really a heaven and hell?
I guess not knowing is just as well.
But I wonder what would happen if...
I wonder what would happen to me if...
If I used this knife,
And with it, took part of my life.
Could I actually get there,
And then come back here?
Or would I loose to much,
And with this world, loose touch.
Maybe the knife is to risky..
Could the gun work possibly?
No, it's to hard to do,
To hard to come back to you.
To tell you what happend,
Because it would be to far to the end.
The knife is the only way,
To really even have a say,
Whether there's life after death,
Of if there's really one "last breath."
But when it comes down to it,
Would I really do it?
Just to see and know?
To see what fasicnates me so?
I'm not sure,
Not sure of the pain I'll have to endure.
Death fascinates me,
But doesn't scare me.
It's getting there,
That gives me fear.
That's why I don't know,
And won't until I really want to go,
Then I'll know and understand,
So I guess the dead are the only ones that can.
They're lucky in that way,
Knowing something, when the living have no say.
Getting there is my fear,
And I'm scared for those who aren't afraid of getting there.
Who'll do anything to get away from this life,
But if it's true, they'll only end up in another life.
I'm scared for those who try,
For other reasons than to see the lies.
Because they won't try and evade death,
Because they're actually hoping for one "last breath."
-Mandielynn 8/4/98
