Love I Don't Have

He's in love with me.

I don't quite understand why.

Of all the girls in this world,

Why me?

Why his best friend?

I love him,

But not as he wishes.

I love someone else,

And wish to keep it that way.

He says he understands,

But I know he doesn't like it.

I know he's all torn up inside.

Never will I be able to apologize enough.

Never will I feel bad enough.

I pray to Her that he'll mercifully learn to love me as a friend.

As the best friend I wish to be only.

But I can't help to think of him.

Of the love he is capable of,

If only I might give him the chance.

But I can't change my heart.

My mind is resisting too much.

My curiosity isn't strong enough,

And my love for him isn't willing to change.

I cry too many tears for him.

For loving him the wrong way.

I can't tell him I love him,

Afraid it'll be taken the wrong way.

But I can't help it.

I love him.

Just not the right way.

And we both hurt,

Not knowing what to do.

With two hearts that aren't willing to change.

I can't cry another tear for him,

For fear of what might come.

I can't allow my feelings to turn to guilt.

I love someone else,

And that's the way it will stay.

My heart will have it no other way.

It's pointless to cry over him.

And yet, my eyes don't seem to agree.

One tear after another.

One guilty feeling after another.

After all he knows about me,

How can he still be in love with me?

There's so much to not love,

So much to hate.

So much to despise.

And yet he's got me crying.

Over love.

Crying for a love I don't have.

-Mandielynn

10.15.99