I'm curled up so tight.
I need a hug this night.
I can't let go.
Afraid of what'll show.
Can't let people see the pain.
Can't watch the tears stain.
And when they ask why,
I have to tell them a lie.
Beacuse I don't know.
But the pain won't let go.
There's no pain needed now.
But there's something, somehow.
Somewhere, buried deep inside.
In my own heart, I can't confide.
My mind knows something sure,
But what, it won't tell my heart so pure.
My mind is hiding something from me, I don't know what.
I think it's still waiting for that knife to cut.
If that's the case, then it gets to while a while.
But until then, do I have to fake my smile?
Can't I just have arms to hold me?
Nice and strong, to console me?
Of course not. Why should I?
I don't deserve it, I need to realize.
I've done many things wrong.
So I need to be in pain, nice and long.
What I've done exactly, I don't know.
But my mind sure isn't going to let it go.
Neither will the rest of my body.
I just wish I could leave me.
Take my heart and go away.
Into a different body, a different day.
Start life over you see.
And maybe have a chance to be happy.
What did I do so wrong in this lifetime?
That everyone drops me at the drop of a dime?
That I'm left in the cold?
I turn everyone a way, I'm told.
But why wouldn't I?
When they would lie?
Tell me they're there for me.
But the moment I'm in too deep,
They leave me to dry.
And inside, everytime, I die.
They even ask me to talk to them.
To trust them.
And then I trust them with my soul.
And they turn away, they fold.
So now where do I go?
Who do I go to, do you know?
-Mandielynn 7.21.99
