My Hole
My Hole
It's cavernous and murky in here.
I have no knowledge of how far I've plunged.
Or even how I got here.
I destroyed and traumatized to stay out.
To keep myself as far from here as possible.
I hate the darkness in here.
I love the nighttime,
To shadow my lonely world
In the darkness of the cloaking night.
But this darkness is different.
It sufficates you.
Cuts off of the air supply.
It claws at your chest
To get at the heart that it knows is there.
It seeps through the eyes to the mind.
Drawing the mind away with it.
This darkness is intimidating.
Leaving lurking shadows
To haunt the mind it lives on.
Nightmarish images probe the brain.
Twisted fantasies taken on by some unknown.
I don't like it.
I'm afraid.
I've tried to stay out of it.
But the hole was bigger this time.
I tried to scramble back up.
But something kept pushing me down.
This depth is inconceivable.
I haven't hit the bottom yet.
I don't want to hit the floor.
Once I hit the bottom,
The darkness will have its way.
It'll consume me in seconds flat.
My pit would swallow me entirely,
And I'd have no chance.
Perhaps that terrifies me most of all.
I hate constantly falling,
But I'm afraid to land.
I won't land on my feet,
That's impossible.
I need to climb out again,
But the sides are too far apart.
I can't hold on,
Can't get a grip on anything.
I can see the light above me,
Where my happiness is.
But there isn't a way to get there.
It's getting smaller as I fall deeper.
By now, nobody can help me.
Nobody's arm is long enough.
I can hear voices.
People telling me to climb up.
But they don't realize that there is no way.
No footholds, no grips.
Nothing.
They keep yelling at me.
By now they are only shadows.
The depth is too deep to comprehend.
The width is too wide to beat.
I suppose I'm coming close to the end.
-Mandielynn
2.11.00
