It fits perfectly.
It brings death so silently.
The handle so smooth and cool.
That in itself can be my fuel.
If that's what the handle feels like,
What does the other end feel like?
Oh, to feel that silver blade.
Slice through neatly, precisly why it was made.
To feel the warm blood that excapes me.
To finally feel ecstasy.
I want to be away from it all.
I tried to be happy, but I always fall.
I can't go anymore.
I have to finally close the door.
I have to shut the world away.
I can't live here one more day.
I count to ten silently, the words on my lips-they flow.
Letting things run through my head-slow.
I hit the final number, and now the blade is hungry.
Pointing it just so, I hold my breath, and plunge it into me.
Searing pain,
None to loose, a lot to gain.
Tears unwillingly swell.
Uknowingly, I fell.
I feel blood on my fingers, warm just as I thought.
I smile, liking already what I just bought.
I close my eyes, willing to let myself die.
But, oh dear, once again you return, and you cry.
I feel your hand placed over mine.
Your fingers encircle and entwine.
You whisper I love you,
I love you too,
But I don't want you to be here.
I don't want this to be my memory of you dear.
Your eyes red from crying.
Your hand bloody from trying.
I close my eyes, shutting you out.
You're trying to pull my escape out!
No! You can't take my happiness away!
You can't make me live one more day!
No! Why couldn't I have already died?!
You didn't seem to care when I cried.
So why do you care, now that I bleed?
Crying and bleeding, same things to me.
They're both the same, warm and wet.
Vital in some ways, a safety net.
Both hurt a lot to do.
Both I'm doing because of you.
Oh here it comes you say.
Yes, and this time my way.
I hated crying, and you didn't care.
The pain you were causing-it was all I could bear.
I was bleeding inside anyway.
So why not outside? I'll be fine in ending with yesterday.
Tomorrow doesn't look too bright.
And I know you won't shed any light.
You're just not that way.
If it's going to be dark, that's the way it'll stay.
That's the way it is with you.
I know, and you know that it's true.
So why not let me die?
Your truth hurts just as much as a lie.
But no, you have to take the handle from me.
It's still warm. Smooth. Shiny.
The pain had subsided, until you pulled it out.
Causing me more pain in order to save me, what's that all about?
Don't you want me to be happy?
Or are you going to be happy by saving me?
I guess that's how the world works nowadays.
Nothing ever works two ways.
One always wins, the other always looses.
But the one that looses, never chooses.
And I lost once again.
You won in the end.
You took my ecstasy.
You took the salvation out of me.
I'm at your will again.
I owe you my life till the end.
Once again, I am your slave.
Until the day I can not be saved.
And it is for just such a day.
That I sit here again with my blade.
It fits perfectly.
It brings death so silently.
-Mandielynn 3.18.99
