A child's smile.

The twinkle in their eye.

That innocence is lost so soon,

And they don't even know it.

They don't realize it till it's too late.

When they've seen and heard too much,

When they wish for nothing more.

Their eyes are tainted with sights

That they shouldn't see.

Their ears are stained with words

That they shouldn't hear.

Their hearts are broken

By things that shouldn't happen.

And their tears are caused

By feelings they shouldn't have to feel.

The innocence is lost as they mature,

Lost to something much harsher.

Lost to reality.

Some are fortunate to keep their innocence.

For a very long time.

But it catches up to them.

It always does.

And sometimes it crashes hard.

Once the innocence is raped from a person,

They're on their own.

They face things they shouldn't have to.

Hear things that make them want to be deaf.

See things that make them want to be blind.

Feel things that make them want to be dead.

There's nothing you can do to keep your innocence.

It doesn't take much to loose.

A happy thought interrupted by a disturbing one.

A bad decision made.

Wallowing in fears and sorrows.

The harsh reality of it is,

It'll drown you if you can't swim.

And I lost my innocence.

It seems a while ago,

But it's only been a short period of time.

And as my innocence got closer to nill,

I saw myself deterierating.

I watched myself begin to sink,

As I hadn't learned to swim.

I watched myself begin to disappear,

As I could not look at myself.

And I watched as I began to die,

Just because I wanted to.

But I look back, I see my smile.

I see the twinkle in my eye.

I see the innocent look every child has.

I watch as I grew up.

I watch as the innocence disappears.

And I feel a loss greater than I've ever felt.

And a deep sorrow for what I can never have back.

But as I see the girl that still has her innocence,

Locked forever in memories and pictures,

A great relief washes over me

As a thought enters my head.

I almost ended the life of this girl.

This girl with the sparkle in her eyes.

And this girl would have never known the difference.

But I sit here, looking at the pictures.

Thinking that if I would have watched myself die much longer,

I wouldn't be sitting here.

If I hadn't learned to swim,

I'd be dead, buried at the bottom of reality.

And instead of me, looking at the innocence I have lost.

It would be my friends and family, looking at the girl they lost.

Then happiness fills me,

As I sit here, I begin to smile.

Because the innocence isn't entirely lost.

It's locked away inside this girl in my pictures and memories.

In the twinkle of my eye,

In the innocence of my smile.

-Mandielynn 8.12.99