The thoughts behind my eyes
The thoughts behind my eyes
Dizzy my vision
And blur my conscience mind.
Thoughts of love and suicide
They have nothing to do with one other,
But they’re never separated.
Wrecked dreams and fairy tales
Of lives that couldn’t possibly exist,
But are wished for every day.
A perfect existence,
A perfect love.
Happiness inside of yourself,
So strong that nothing can divide you
From yourself.
But disillusionment can’t help
But take over a life so innocently lived.
The love isn’t all happiness,
Life doesn’t always go exactly as planned,
And suddenly realization kicks in,
Allowing for the notion that recently
The very happiness you thought you had,
Is only that which is gained from love,
The love that only dangles by a string.
Once so strong, so durable,
Is now nothing more than a thread,
Holding two tender, bruised hearts.
Bruised from a life that only wants death,
And love that could not separate itself
Between the love of a lover,
And the love of a friend.
So when the love begins to fade,
Still evident, still available,
But unable to hold it’s own
Against the strong urges that are drawn
From somewhere so deep,
Love cannot shine that far.
What happens to the happiness
That depends on it so greatly?
Does it too fade off into the distances,
Allowing for the fears of the not so perfect life
To set in at an overwhelming pace,
Making it impossible to see the faded light
Of love that is needed so much.
Suicide becomes a strong brilliant source of light,
When the brilliance and happiness of love is gone.
It seems so perfect,
To end what has begun,
And not have to start again.
To go to sleep,
Knowing you don’t have to get up again.
It’s so comforting. So simple.
But difficult for the people who continue to breathe,
Once the last breath has escaped the one so tormented.
It seems so hard for the people left behind.
Suddenly the love they had for the person shines through,
Since now the life they took for granted is gone.
They never realize that the person knows
When they’re taken for granted.
And the only way to change the heart of plenty,
Is to change life to fit
The needs and expectations of those lacking.
And the thoughts of dreams and fair tales
Seem to be reinvented,
And happiness doesn’t seem so far off,
The thought of a perfect existence
Somehow more possible,
Just because of the simple thoughts
That dizzy my vision,
And blur my mind
To the justified thoughts
Of love and suicide.
8/10/00
