Protection

Stepping over my past,

I must look at what lay ahead.

I've come to the end at last.

And now I can clear my head.

The hurt and pain is almost gone,

But the memory will always be here.

The pain of the memory may last long,

But I knwo I can face my fear.

I know I can face what may come.

I know I can get through this time of pain,

But the hurt that has come over me cannot come undone.

But I can keep it from happening again,

Everyday I prepare for it to come back,

I rebuild the walls that used to surround me.

I now add more, hoping to cover what I lack,

And now I'll forever be covering my heart protectivly.

It will be surrounded by a wall,

One thick and strong to keep anyone from passing.

Now it will be kept from all.

Anyone that may want to hurt me.

Anyone that wants to come in, I will hold at bay.

I'll look them over, be sure they're sincere.

Then I'll ask myself again if they're okay.

I'll let them in eventually, I'll let them into here.

Only a few choice people are behind that wall of mine.

I'm not sure if they're the right people to be on the inside.

For he was the one that tore up my heart right down to the line.

I kept him away, kept him on the outside,

But it hurt him so much to be out there, cold and alone.

I couldn't stand to see him that way.

Even if he did it to me, I can't have it be done.

So now he's in, forever and a day.

I fear each and every day now.

Wondering if he'll start tearing it again.

Wondering if this time I won't be able to get out.

If next time I'll be trapped by my own walls and unable to defend.

But next time I feel I am prepared.

This time I'll keep him out and leave him there.

He only has this one last chance to show he really cared.

I just how that what I say is really what'll happen here.

-Mandielynn

2/9/99