What we could have had is gone.
What we had didn't last long.
We killed it with constant fights.
With tearful days, and tearful nights.
A smile from my lips hardly would appear.
Whether you were gone, or if you were here.
We told each other and ourselves we would last.
That we would make it to the future, and this would be past.
But it doesn't seem to want to leave this heart.
The past is still tearing me apart.
I can't shake the feeling I get,
The feeling of loneliness I can never forget.
It creeps along my head, my chest.
It sinks into my heart, doesn't let me rest.
Memories flash through my head,
Me crying, miserable, my eyes red.
You yelling at me, I crying and screaming at you.
I always tell myself, this will never do.
But the memories continue through me,
The pain and rage consumes me.
My tears falling from my eyes,
You continue with your constant lies.
I can't stand this anymore,
I can't take being raw to the core.
I needed you to be there for me,
I needed you so badly.
And then you changed and made it through.
We mended the problems we knew.
But yet another one came,
After that, nothing could be the same.
So the few things we mended, fell apart again.
And it would seem that I am near the end.
My idea of feeling loved is gone.
It died before it had been around long.
Reality had hit me a little on the hard side,
Taking with it, all I had inside.
I desperately wish I could have those dreams come true.
But I know better than to wish them when I'm with you.
I have learned to face reality.
I know that you care about me.
But I also know you can't make it come true.
I thought you could, I thought you knew.
But it's become apparent to me,
You believe in nothing but reality.
But reality can't give you a smile.
It can't let you bike in the rain that sixth mile.
It can't let you call me in the middle of the night.
It can't let you hold me that tight.
Reality just isn't that way.
But love with no reality pays.
It makes you a lot more happy.
Please, I ask of you, let love surround you and me.
Take a little of the reality away,
Put it in a drawer for another day.
Save it for when we're old and we've got nothing else to do.
And then we can let it out and I can say "I told you."
Please don't let it out until that day,
Let only a little out if there is no other way.
But until then, don't let reality take over you.
Just love me and treat me like you used to.
-Mandielynn
2/9/99
