I Shouldn't Have

I fell for you before I should have.

I gave you my life but I shouldn't have.

I gave you everything I could and then some.

But now, all I feel is really dumb.

I shouldn't have given you everything so quick.

My life shouldn't be your desicion to pick.

Trying to get it back,

I take from you what I lack.

I try and rob you of your so called life, but I shouldn't have.

I didn't set you up to win like I should have.

Instead, I try and pull you down with me.

Hoping that maybe something can change the hell that be.

But it doesn't change the pain I feel,

Looking down at a life all to real.

I try and look a head on this path that I'm on.

I see nothing ahead, not even the dawn.

I pictured us married, though I shouldn't have.

We're too young, only a boyfriend I should have.

But I went too far with this,

And nothing can erase it, not even your kiss.

Loving you is something I always will do.

I just wish I were the same as you.

Able to live for today; carefree.

Have a life, and still know I'm loved deeply.

I said yes before I should have.

I cried tears that you caused and shouldn't have.

Giving you my life was easy,

You loved me and showed it to me.

And then something changed in you.

You weren't doing what you were supposed to.

You abused me and blamed me instead.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were red.

I took your abuse and I shouldn't have.

I stayed with you longer than I should have.

Most girls would have left you long ago,

But my heart just wouldn't let go.

So I stood by your side,

And in return, you crushed me inside.

I loved you, though I shouldn't have.

I'm much more than you should have.

Now I'm happy and I'm still with you.

But something inside of you changed too.

You seem to care a lot more.

You act like you never did before.

Only you don't give me time to heal.

You seem to act like it wasn't even real.

I let it go longer than I should have.

It's fallen all around me, and it shouldn't have.

You need to understand that it might be forever,

My heart needs you now more than ever.

You need to heal it with some love and tenderness,

Pamper it and give into its crying and loneliness.

I need you to hold it carefully,

Give up what I gave to you to easily.

I've asked you to give everything up, but I don't know if I should have.

You said yes, but shouldn't have.

Because you didn't, and so my heart will cry,

You promised me you would, but it's sounding to much like a lie.

Please tell me the truth, it will hurt, but not as much.

Just let me know that your words are as true as your touch.

I just need you to help me get up to speed.

You are the one and only thing I need.

I depended on you more than I should have.

I still believed in your words, even though I shouldn't have.

I just hope you'll forgive me for something I didn't do.

And you'll let me find my happiness inside of you.

It's lost deep inside your heart.

I'll find it, but I'll try not to rip you apart.

More that anything, I don't want to loose you,

But to get what I deserve, I must squeeze it out of you.

I hope you will stand by me like you always should have.

And I hope that you don't hurt me again, 'cause you shouldn't have.

-Mandielynn 1/28/99