Flairangels Jokes

What I Want In A Man

Original List

1. Handsome

2. Charming

3. Financially Successful

4. A Caring Listener

5. Witty

6. In Good Shape

7. Dresses with Style

8. Appreciates the Finer Things

9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises

10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

Revised List

1. Not too ugly

2. Doesn't belch and/or scratch in public

3. Works steady

4. Doesn't nod off while I'm emoting

5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes

6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture

7. Usually wears matching socks

8. Knows not to buy champange with screw-top lids

9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down

10. Shaves on weekends

The Real Personal Ads

The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads:

FIRST THE ADS FROM WOMEN

Size 10 .................. Size 12 at least.

40-ish.................. 48

Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will.

Athletic................ Flat-chested

Average looking......... Ugly

Beautiful............... Pathological liar

Contagious Smile........ Bring your penicillin

Educated................ College dropout

Emotionally Secure...... Medicated

Feminist................ Fat; ball buster

Free spirit............. Substance user

Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut.

Fun..................... Annoying.

Gentle.................. Comatose

Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic

New-Age................. All body hair, all the time.

Old-fashioned........... Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded............. Desperate

Outgoing................ Loud

Passionate.............. Loud

Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic

Professional............ Real Witch.

Redhead................. Shops the Clairol section.

Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat

Romantic................ Looks better by candle light.

Voluptuous.............. Very Fat.

Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat.

Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking.

Widow................... Nagged first husband to death.

Young at heart.......... Toothless crone

THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST

40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN.

Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back.

Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot.

Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister.

Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity.

Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack.

Good looking............ Arrogant.

Honest.................. Pathological Liar.

Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear.

Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent.

Mature.................. Until you get to know him.

Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested.

Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself.

Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall.

Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday.

Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested.

Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer.

2nd Ten Commandments

SEND ME AN E-MAIL

~View My Slambook~ ~Sign My SlamBook~

FLAIRANGEL< /i>