Suddenly the images of last night filled her mind. She realized that Chad wasn't there, he was dead. Grief once again overtook her and she lay her head back upon the pillow, softly stroking the place in which he had slept.
Her throat tightened and she gradually rose from the bed. She shivered, though it wasn't really that cold. She dressed in the clothes she had left there from a few weeks earlier, a pair of black velvet pants that slightly flared at the bottom, and a black tank top that showed off her slight muscular arms, and of course the tattoos. They were slightly wrinkled but otherwise clean. She brushed out her long dark main of tangles, flinching as she pulled the brush through. She grabbed a scrunchie pulled her hair through the loop, securing it back with pins. She applied a light touch of baby pink lip gloss that left her lips shiny and a stroke of blush.
Then she headed downstairs into the living room. The bright morning sun shined brightly through the windows. She yawned loudly and went to the kitchen in search of something to eat. She muttered a silent curse to herself; there was nothing at all but some stale bread and a piece of cheese.
Chad hadn't been one to grocery shop. That much was quite obvious. She made did with what she wolfed it down. She hadn't eaten anything since the morning before. She finished the meager meal, if it could be called a meal and rose from the table. Silence echoed off the walls. She felt ill at ease here. She felt cramped suddenly as if the memories were smothering the very breath from her lungs. She glanced swiftly at all of the items around her, each bringing a piece of memory to her attention.
There were several paintings that were not complete. Never to be completed, she thought. One that was finished, she noticed, hung above the torn couch. It was of her, quite similar. He had done all of the shading and the exact strokes right, but she appeared different to herself. She appeared at peace and in reality she hadn't been. Some how he had captured such innocence within her, startling sapphire eyes. She turned away from the painting of herself. She felt awful. She wasn't as he portrayed her. She was the exact opposite; it seemed that he had captured the image of an innocent, of one who's life had not been as miserable and as bad as hers. She hated the little girl she saw in the painting, for it represented everything that she was not.
She glanced away heartily and decided to head outside and take a walk on the beach. She unlocked the front door and stepped out on the porch. She turned slightly to shut the door behind her when she caught sight of a rose lying upon the porch swing. She gasped and eagerly reached out and picked it up. She smelled its intoxicating scent and ran her hands over its soft white petals. She brushed it against her cheek and wondrously glanced up. She saw a figure in white standing out upon the beach, almost hidden beneath the shady trees.
She smiled when she saw who it was. Taking the rose with her, she went out to greet Brian. He smiled and delicately placed a sweet kiss upon her cheek. He smiled and grabbed her hand leading her once again to an unknown place. He led her to a small ledge that expanded out over the waves.
Brian pointed out towards the sky. "Look." He commanded. "Look at the world around you. So much beauty lies unnoticed to your eyes. You must open them and realize that not everything is set in endless shades of gray. Some things are filled with splendorous color, wonderful patterns and shapes. The world in which you live is not as alone and as barren as you think, Jessica. Just take a moment to look, to look and actually see the beauty that lies within us all."
Jessica did as she was told and she was instantly caught up in the enchanting beauty. Light blue waves crashed upon the ledge, sending a misty spray to wash over them. The sun glimmered bright upon the water's surface. Puffy white clouds hung low over head and gulls flew above, circling for food, in the light blue sky. The proud trees stood tall and sturdy, unaffected by the light breeze.
She usually paid no heed to the occurrences around her. Well at lest not in this sense. She was little aware of the beauty that lied in everything. She had been raised to fend for her own needs. She struggled just to survive where she lived. Her life hadn't had such simple pleasures as simply staring at the ocean, or watching the sun to set. Perhaps, she thought, perhaps she had missed this. Perhaps to see beauty within was what she needed to learn.
Brian slid his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. Was he to fall in love with this girl? He, an angel sent from heaven to help her. He would only succeed in hurting her and he didn't want that. It would be wrong. He supposed that being human had somehow dulled out his senses. He didn't understand the emotions he felt he didn't understand them at all. Sure he had been human once, but he had been a mere child then. Immature in the mind to handle an emotion as strong as love. Perhaps he had been corrupted with human feelings, wants and desires, needs and...and love. No he wouldn't take her, he couldn't. But despite all that he had sworn to do all that he had ever promised he knew somewhere deep in his heart that he had found his soul mate. He had known her but a day and he already felt that he had known her all of his life, perhaps as an angel, perhaps as a human. He made up his mind that he would not touch her. He wouldn't encourage her to feel the same to him. He knew that it would defeat the purpose that he had been called for. There were rules that had been made long ago, rules that could not be broken. He would not break them, he swore. He would not. And even as he swore his life to that, he knew that somehow he doubted he could keep his promise to himself, let alone to her.
Brian once again took Jessica's hand and led her away. She followed not sure of where she was being lead. Brian led her through the forest that ran along the edge of the water. She struggled to keep up with his steps, for his legs were longer then her own. He seemed intent upon hurrying, as if something great was promised if only they were to make it on time. He stopped abruptly and she ran into his back. She let out a yelp of surprise and he silenced her with a soft yet insistent look. Gradually she allowed her eyes to run across the scene in front of her. They had stopped in a clearing. Sunlight shined its golden rays through the branches, and a dozen butterflies flew in the light. Birds chirped and flapped their wings, animals became alive to her as if for the first time. Brian nodded and suddenly a doe approached. Cautiously the fair animal glanced around to make sure there was no danger present. Brian stilled Jessica and the doe bent down to eat the grass.
Jessica was enchanted, there was beauty all around her that she had not known even existed. She had been lost in her own troubles and in the drama that played before her.
Her eyebrows arched as she saw Brian take a tentative step forward, the doe raised her head in alarm. Brian raised his hands as if to calm her. The doe stared at Brian for a long time and gradually she let him approach her. She pulled away slightly as he raised out his hand towards her, but once he touched her head, the doe's fear left her. Brian turned towards Jessica and motioned for her to come forward. She moved slowly approaching the wild animal and raised her hand out to stroke its fur. To her surprise the animal didn't pull away, Brian's hand remained on the doe's head. She touched the doe and shrieked with delight, the animal scoured away and Brian laughed.
Jessica glanced up at him and smiled. "I never realized how much beauty was around me. I was always involved in my own problems to look." Brian nodded. "Yes, that is why you need to open your eyes. Be aware of the beauty around you. See it and bathe in it. It will cleanse your soul, and it will lead to much happiness."
Jessica smiled. Then she felt waves of sadness overwhelm her and she bowed her head. Brian noticed and he too frowned. "Jessica, do not be sad." He smiled when she glanced back up at him.
"Why should I not be? I've lost a love, and I may have as well lost a best friend. Why can't I be allowed to be sad? Don't I have the right?" she snapped.
"Because," he said approaching her as he had the doe. Cautiously at first and when he knew that she wasn't going to run, he picked up his pace.
She took a tentative step backward, almost afraid of the look in his eyes. It scared her for she knew that she too felt the same way. She too had the same look within her blue eyes.
Brian held up his hand as if to tell her that he would not hurt her. Still he approached and she didn't back away. He reached out and took her hand in his own and brought it up to his lips, kissing it lightly. She felt dizzy and she realized it was his eyes. There was something there that wasn't natural or if it was it was too natural. It scared her and yet she felt enchanted by the startling clarity she found within them.
"Do not be afraid of me, Jessica." Brian said softly, stroking her arm lightly. "I will not hurt you like the others have done. I do not believe in that. I believe in respect and you will have my respect. I promise you that."
She smiled silently. "I know that you will, and...and that's what I'm afraid of. I'm not accustomed to it, I'm used to being, well to being hurt." She shrugged. "It's not that I don't like that you respect me, god that would never happen. I'm just, I'm just-" she stumbled over her words, her eyes were caught within her own and she suddenly couldn't finish what she was saying. She couldn't remember what she had meant to say. Brian pulled abruptly away and turned. He sighed deeply and walked away.
Jessica was left stunned, although now that she wasn't looking into his eyes, the dizziness had passed. She was just as confused as she had been the night before when they had met on the beach. He was different and very strange, and yet, there was definitely something more to him, then meets the eye. And god so help her, she was going to find out, she vowed.
Slowly she followed Brian out of the forest. She noticed a car parked in the driveway as she made her way up the hill that lead to the beach. She saw who it was and instantly turned and headed away.
"Jessica! I know you seen me, girl! Get up here now!" her mother yelled, standing with her hands on her hips. She pretended not to hear her and tried to head away. She ran into a solid frame and shrieked, falling backwards on the sand.
Brian shook his head and laughed, "I swear, we are always meeting like this!" he exclaimed and moved to help her up. She cursed out loud but accepted his outstretched hand anyway. He helped her up and she brushed the sand off her clothes.
"Jessica!" her mother bellowed from behind her.
Jessica turned abruptly filled with rage. Why didn't her mother mind her own business? "What do you want?" she yelled back.
"Don't you use that tone of voice with me young lady, I want you up here now!" the woman exclaimed.
Jessica cursed, "Go to hell!"
Brian lightly put his hand on her shoulder. She glared back at him. He nodded up to where Jessica's mother stood. "Maybe you should just go and see what she wants." He suggested softly.
Jessica glared at him with fury. "She only wants to ruin my life!"
"Maybe she doesn't. Maybe she only cares about you, have you thought of that?" Brian asked softly.
"Ha!" she cried, but she headed up to where her mother stood angrily waiting. She couldn't resist that voice he had used, let alone could she disobey him. It was very strange.
"What do you want?" She muttered coldly.
"I just want to see if you are okay. Are you? I heard about that boy. What's his name?"
"His name was Chad. If you had paid any attention to my life, you would have known that!" she snapped.
"I would have paid more attention if you would have let me!" her mother yelled back. " But no, you didn't want me to have a part of your life! You hate me!"
"That's right! I do!" she yelled back, her fury knew not who it was hurting.
"Why?" her mother asked softly, filled with defeat. Jessica wasn't fooled. Her mother had tried to pull this stunt before. She would try to plague Jessica with guilt. Well it didn't work then and it wouldn't work now.
"Because! You brought me here! You made me live in this godforsaken town, with no way or means of defending myself. I have to live here, in this dump and I have to live near you!" she yelled. "Thanks but not thanks, mother. I don't want you in my life and I never will!" she hollered and took off towards Chad's house.
"Jessica!" her mother called after her. "Get back here! Damn you girl, I said get back here, Now!"
Jessica bowed her head lower and ran into the house. She hated her mother. She hated her with a passion. How dare she? After all this time, How dare she come to her now? Tears streaked down Jessica's face as she threw herself down on the couch and cried.
"It is all right Mrs. Sinclair" A soft voice spoke behind the woman. She turned and gasped, grabbing her chest. Her eyes grew wide at the site of the young man before her. Never in her long life had she seen someone as stunning as this man standing before her. Her hand went to her lips and she trembled.
"Oh my!" Was all she could get out.
Brian moved closer and closed his eyes and when he opened them again, the lady was surprised that she did not see her reflection within them. In fact she didn't even see his eyes, she saw...she saw something else of much greater importance. She saw heaven.
The woman blinked and her image returned within the man's eyes. She blinked back tears. She had never seen anything more stunning then in that moment and later on she would question whether or not it had really been there, or if it had simply been her imagination.
Jessica jerked up when the door creaked open loudly. She rubbed the tiredness out of her eyes and stretched like a little girl. She glanced out at the dark midnight sky. She had nearly slept the entire day away. Evening had set and with it, it had brought a cool breeze that shuttered through the curtains, blowing them softly.
A figure stood in the doorway and she jumped realizing that a person stood there. She sighed heavily with relief when she saw that it was only Brian. He knocked upon the wooden doorframe again politely.
"May I come in, Jessica?" he asked softly.
Before she could think she simply shook her head, yes. He approached and shut the door behind him. He nodded to the lamp.
"Yeah, it's not strong enough to blind me anyway." She agreed to his unspoken question.
He clicked on the lamp and a dull light filled the room, still she noticed a greater light shined deeply within his eyes and she wondered about it. She flicked her head to the side and the thought left her instantly. She yawned and shivered.
"Excuse me for a moment, please. I'm going to go upstairs and grab a sweatshirt."
Brian nodded and stood where he was.
She smiled, "You can sit, It's not going to kill you!"
He smiled back and sat on the couch, letting her run upstairs quickly to grab a sweatshirt.
Jessica entered the old bedroom and found it a mess; she hadn't really paid much attention to it, since the other day. She searched the closet endlessly and finally settled on a hooded black jacket. She went to go back downstairs when something sparkled out of the corner of her eye.
She turned and noticed a ring lying upon the dresser, next to the delicate hand-mirror that Chad had given her for her birthday. Her throat tightened when she picked up the ring. It was Irish, a Claddagh ring. Chad hadn't been Irish, but his mother had. The crown at the top meant loyalty, the hands, friendship, and the heart; well the heart meant love.
Chad had given the ring to her for her sixteenth birthday. He had told her to place it upon her ring finger with the heart towards her. "It means you…. Belong to somebody." He had told her. Suddenly the realization that Chad was never coming back hit her and it hit her hard. An en-strangled cry escaped her lips and she burst into a fresh set of tears, this time the agony she felt tore her world apart. It was as if she saw the image of her entire being flash before her eyes and in that brief instant it shattered, like glass. Jessica glanced at the mirror in front of her; she saw her image an image she didn't want to see. In a blind hurt rage, she drew her arms across the dresser, knocking all of it's contents on the floor, shattering precious bottles of expensive cologne, jewelry, and the antique glass jewelry box as the items hit the floor. She picked up the silver hand-mirror, engraved with rose patterns, and threw it at the mirror in front of her, it shattered just as her life was shattering into a million tiny little pieces. The only question left to answer was, would she be able to pick them back up and put them back together again?
Suddenly a pair of strong arms pulled Jessica backward from behind. Jessica shrieked and screamed in fear, and mostly in misery. She struggled against the strong form behind her, only to find herself glued within his grasp. She clawed at him like a wild woman and tried to fight him. But he only held her tighter and she began to scream. Screams that wretched from deep within her entire being, screams that she had held in for the past 18 years of her life. Screams of pain, horror, fear, and confusion. She screamed because nobody had heard her when she was 3, nobody had heard her when she was 6, nobody had heard her when she was 9, nor 10, and because nobody listened to her now. She screamed because of all the fights, shootings, stabbing, and rapes, that she had seen and had been apart of. She screamed for the innocent lives that were lost.
Children's minds that had been corrupted before they even stepped a foot out in the real world and then when they did, they were simply drawn to the drugs and the gangs and the smoking, the drinking and the parties, rape and murder. She screamed until her throat hurt, until her mind spun wildly out of control. And suddenly, suddenly her screams turned into whimpers and soon her body shook with tears.
Brian slowly eased his grip on her. He turned her around slowly and pulled her into his arms. He stroked her hair softly and quietly murmured to her. "Sshhh, It's okay. It's okay. You'll be all right. Everything will be all right."
And perhaps by some small chance, maybe somebody, something, or someone was watching over her. Maybe somebody was actually, finally, listening to her.