Forever Goodbye
This story was written by Kristy (me!).
As I stepped out of the house, the fresh air hit my face. I breathed in, savoring the outside air that I had so rarely felt the last few days. For a moment I even forgot about the dark feeling in the pit of my stomach. The feeling that I had become so accustomed to. I had felt it so much that it had become almost natural.
I walked down the steps of the front porch along the pathway that led to the driveway. I wanted so badly to run back inside the house, up into my room, where I could bury myself in the comfort and safety of my music, my writing, and my thoughts. But as much as I wanted that security, I knew this was something I had to do. Mindlessly, I stepped out onto the sidewalk and headed towards the familiar hill. I had walked there so much, I could do it with my eyes closed. When I arrived at the bottom of it, I started hiking up. I did not bother using the long, public path. Instead, I used a different, narrower and steeper path. I knew my way around the hill well, so it did not matter.
When I arrived at the top, he was there, sitting on the bench - our bench. Seeing him made every step I had taken worth it.
He turned and saw me standing there. "You came," he said, almost in a whisper.
"Yeah, I did," I replied, not sure what else to say.
"I-I didn't think you would," he stammered, looking at me like he thought I was simply a figment of his imagination.
"I changed my mind," I stated softly, looking at the ground.
"Jayme, look at me," he demanded in a harsher tone.
I hesitantly obeyed and pulled my head up to face him. I stared into those deep blue eyes, the ones I had tried to avoid for so long. The moment I looked into his eyes, my feelings for him became overwhelming, so overwhelming I could not control them. His eyes pierced through my own, and I knew he could see everything I was feeling by doing so. Still looking at him, I slowly walked towards the bench until I was standing in front of him. I turned my head away and sat down on it.
The two of us sat there for what seemed like hours, no words spoken, just lost in a world of thought. I was the first one to break the silence.
"Brian, I love you. I want you to know that. At first I was angry at you for leaving, but now I realize that if I truly love you I'll let you follow your dreams. But I can't promise you I'll be here when you get back," I said quietly, staring straight ahead at the city.
His head jolted up. "What do you mean you won't be here?" he asked, his face showing emotions of both confusion and dread.
I sighed, not wanting to tell him, because I knew I was doing the same thing as he was. "I received a letter several months ago from Stanford University. I was accepted. I'm going there, Brian. Which means I'm moving to California," I said, looking at him with fear of his reaction.
His mouth dropped open, a look of hurt spread across his face. "Why didn't you tell me, Jayme? I thought we could tell each other anything..." he trailed off, shifting his gaze to the ground.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I know it's stupid because I just ended up hurting you in the end, but stupid as it may be, it's the truth." I glanced at him nervously, but he did not say anything. There was only silence. I slowly placed my hand on his arm, but he quickly jerked it away and stood up.
"I think this meeting was a bad idea. In fact, I think this whole relationship was bad idea," he yelled angrily. I stared at him, thinking he was going to storm off any moment, but he remained standing in the same spot. I continued to look at him with no words or tears. After a few minutes, he spoke again, but in softer, less-threatening tone. "I'm sorry. I take that back. Neither were a bad idea. But I have to do this. I have to join this group - I have to follow my dreams, even if that means losing you." He paused and pulled me into his arms. I hugged him tightly, savoring the little time left I had in his embrace. "I'll never forget you, I promise. And goodbye doesn't mean forever," Brian stated optimistically.
"Yes, it does. You know it as well as I do. You're starting over in Orlando and I'm starting over in California. We're both leaving Kentucky and we're never going to be back again long enough to have a relationship." I buried my face in his chest, trying to pretend I wouldn't have to leave his arms soon.
He didn't respond to me, just held me tighter. We stood there for hours, never speaking, just enjoying what we knew would be our last moments together. But eventually we had to pull apart.
He left that night. We said our good-byes and I wordlessly watched as he got into the truck and drove away. I broke down crying on his front lawn, afraid of the future that I was going to have to face, without Brian. A frightening thought had been eating away at me every since he had told me he was leaving, and I then realized it was true. Brian was out of my life - forever.
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