I blinked, startled, as the world came back into focus around me. Don, the photographer at this shoot, was glaring impatiently at me, his hands on his hips. "What? Oh, sorry, Don. I guess I was kind of off in another world." I stammered.
"So what else is new?" he muttered under his breath.
Maybe if I'd heard that, I would have realized what I was doing earlier. But I didn't hear it, and I didn't realize what I was doing.
"Why do you keep pushing everyone away? We're your friends, we're trying to help you!" Kris had sounded frustrated.
"I know that, and I appreciate it, I really do," I lied, "but I need to work this out on my own." Why won't people just leave me alone?
She told me to my face what I was doing. Yet it didn't get through, I kept being stubborn and pushing people away.
"Hey, Kara! Listen, me and the guys and Kris are going out, we're gonna spend a whole day just wandering around town and having fun. Wanna come?" Brian asked when he called me at 7 in the morning.
"Uh, no, that's okay. I-I'm not feeling very good…" Another lie, to add to my collection. Don't they understand? I don't need their help.
Or so I thought. Holding back from everyone was killing me, and everyone but myself saw it.
"Kara, what's wrong with you? You haven't had your mind on work ALL MORNING!" Jenn, my choreographer, asked during a brief 10-minute break she'd called. I'd been tripping over my own feet during the whole rehearsal, snapping at my dancers, and ignoring everyone else.
"Nothing. I guess I'm just a little uptight."
Jenn looked at me levelly. "Bullshit."
I stared at her. "What?"
"You heard me. Bullshit. You know exactly what your problem is. Listen, I know losing AJ hit you hard, but it's time you got over it. We're preparing for your tour here! You can't afford to have him on your mind."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I just sat there and stared open-mouthed.
Her voice softened. "I'm sorry, Kara. Maybe that was a bit harsh. Why don't you talk to somebody, go home and have a good cry. It'll do you a world of good." Jenn smiled wryly. "And it won't hurt your dancers' feelings either."
Instead of returning her smile, I clenched my jaw. "I don't cry. I don't need to talk to anyone either. But thanks for your concern." Why does everyone assume I need help? I'm fine on my own. No one seems to get that.
Jenn sighed. "Alright then, since you're not getting anything accomplished today you might as well go home."
I nodded curtly. "Thanks."
~*~AJ's POV~*~
Why is she being so stubborn? I wondered, then realized what a dumb thought that was. She's always stubborn. But why can't she realize what she's doing to herself-to everyone else? I sighed as I watched her alienate yet another friend.
"Watching Kara again?" Daniel, my best angel friend, asked.
"Yeah."
"Why don't you go talk to her then?" Daniel suggested casually.
"WHAT?"
"Go talk to her. Tell her what she's doing. Help her out."
I was determined not to let Daniel see how much I didn't know by asking about it, so I replied, "I didn't think of that. Maybe I will."
Daniel left, and I was alone, my mind spinning with questions. Go talk to her? How? When? How do I get her to listen to me? She won't believe it's real-or will she? Finally I just decided to go ahead and try, even though I had no idea what I was doing.
So one night I just floated on down to our apartment-I mean her apartment. It was kind of hard to get used to the fact that nothing there was mine anymore.