Promises
This short story was written by Kristy (me!).
"You promised you'd never leave me," I said softly as I stared at my late fiancee's grave. A tear rolled down my face, but I wiped it away before anyone could see. I knelt down by the grave, rereading it, the words still not registering in my mind.
Brian Thomas Littrell
1975-1999
He was a wonderful young man with a sensitive nature and an unforgettable sense of humor. We love him and will miss him dearly.
I carefully kneeled down and laid flowers by the grave. "I love you Brian. I always have and I always will," I whispered. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"How are you doing, Mari?" AJ asked.
"Fine," I answered distantly.
"Liar."
"Well, yeah."
"He loved you, you know."
"I know he did. Unfortunately, that just makes this harder. I know I should be happy, since he's in a better place and all, but I just can't help it. He was only 24! Goddamnit AJ, I loved him!" I started sobbing and AJ took me into his arms. "We were supposed to get married and have children and be like all the other happy families. It's not fair!"
"Shhh, Mari, it's okay," AJ said, trying to comfort me.
I nodded and tried to stop crying. I was unsuccessful.
"Come on, let's go," AJ said after a little while.
I agreed and stood up. After taking one last look at Brian's grave, we walked out to AJ's car. I climbed into the passenger seat and he drove away from the cemetary. I spent the entire ride staring out the window. As I did so, the events of the past week flashed through my mind.
~*~FLASHBACK~*~
"Good morning, soon-to-be Mrs. Littrell," was the first thing I heard when I woke up.
My eyes focused and I found myself looking at the most amazing guy in the entire universe - in my opinion, at least.
"Good morning, fiancee," I replied.
We both smiled and he gave me a long good morning kiss. When we pulled away I climbed out of the bed and walked over to my closet.
"Where are you going?" Brian asked.
I turned around to face him. "I'm getting ready for work," I said. "Unlike you, I do not have the next 2 weeks off."
"Do you have to go?" Brian whined, giving me the irresistable puppy-dog look.
I sighed. "Do you have to give me that look?" I said, matching his tone perfectly.
"Yes, I do. It's the only thing that works."
"Well, it's not working this time hon. I have to go to work. But," I grinned, walking back over to him, "I get off at 5, so you and I can spend the ENTIRE evening together." I leaned in and gave him a long, passionate kiss. After a few minutes I pulled back and started walking away. "That's to hold you over. But now, I'm getting ready," I called over my shoulder as I walked out the door.
I finished getting ready and stepped into the kitchen to see Brian sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee. He stood up, walked over to me, and took me into his arms.
"Brian?" I murmered.
"Yes, baby?"
"Promise me something."
"Anything."
"Promise me you'll never leave me. Promise me you're always going to be a part of my life. Promise me we'll always be together."
"I promise, baby. I promise."
I smiled and kissed him one final time. Then, with one last look at him, I walked out the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Mari, AJ wants to speak to you," a weak voice said.
I looked up from my article and found Corinne, my close friend and co-worker who happened to be dating AJ McLean, standing near my desk. I noticed she was crying and I immediately got this sick feeling in my stomach. I knew something bad had happened. I nodded and picked up the phone.
"AJ?" I said cautiously.
"Mari, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but I have to. I have some bad news," a voice said. It sounded so different that I almost didn't recognize it. That's when I realized AJ was crying. I'd known AJ for 4 years and I had never seen him cry. The sick feeling in my stomach only got stronger.
"Is it Brian?" I asked.
"Yes. Mari, he was in a car accident."
I gasped, my head spinning, a million thoughts running through my head at once. "H-He's ok, right?" I stammered.
Silence.
"AJ, Brian's alive, right?"
More silence.
Finally AJ spoke again, barely loud enough for me to understand. "Mari, he didn't make it."
Somehow, the words didn't register in my mind. I heard them, but I didn't understand them. I just sat in silence, not saying a word. After a minute or so, I spoke. "W-what do you mean?"
I heard AJ sigh. "He's, well, he's dead."
Dead. Dead. Brian was dead. My fiancee. My future husband. The man who was going to be the father of my children. Brian Thomas Littrell, the man I loved more than life itself, was dead.
I hung up the phone and fell to the floor, crying and gasping to breathe. Corinne immediately dropped to her knees and let me cry on her shoulder. My co-workers looked at me, concerned, but to me they weren't even there. To me, no one was there.
~*~BACK TO PRESENT~*~
"Mari? Mari? Hello?"
I snapped out of my thoughts and found AJ gently shaking me and calling my name. I realized that the car had stopped moving and I turned to look at him. He had a look of worry in his eyes. I knew he was concerned about me. AJ and I had been good friends for several years. It was kind of wierd, really - I introduced him to Corinne, and he introduced me to Brian. And now we were in serious relationships with them. I stopped myself. Brian and I weren't in a serious relationship anymore. Brian was gone.
"Ready to go inside?" AJ asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I nodded wordlessly and got out of the car. We both walked into Corinne and AJ's apartment. They had insisted I stayed with them for the time being, and I had agreed gratefully. It was just too painful for me to be in the apartment Brian and I had shared right now.
Corinne hugged me when AJ and I walked into the TV room. "How are you doing?" she asked, with the same concerned look AJ's face held.
"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm fine!" I muttered as I sat down on the couch.
Corinne and AJ exchanged worried glances. The two of them started talking like I wasn't in the room.
"Did you give it to her yet?" Corinne asked him.
"No, I didn't. She's in bad enough shape as it is," he replied.
"She is, but I think you need to give it to her. I know her and she's just going to get mad if you don't soon."
"Yeah, I know, but I'm worried about her."
"WOULD YOU GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT EVEN THERE? I'M NOT DEAF! I CAN HEAR EVERY FUCKING WORD YOU'RE SAYING ABOUT ME!!!" I yelled, standing up from the couch.
"Mari, calm down. We're just worried about you. Sit back down. AJ has something to give you," Corinne said as AJ ran off to the master bedroom.
He returned holding a jewelry box, the kind that bracelets come in. He sat down on the couch next to me. "Mari, there's something you don't know about Brian's accident. This may be painful for you, but I think you should know. Brian was in the accident when he was on the way back from picking up a bracelet he'd had made for you. This is it. It's yours," he said, handing me the box.
I swallowed hard and took the box from him. With one deep breath, I opened it up. There sat the most gorgeous silver bracelet I'd ever seen in my life. I gasped.
"There's an engraving," Corinne said softly.
I nodded and looked closer. Sure enough, it was engraved. The words read 'I'll always be with you. -Brian'. I swallowed hard again as I examined it. Then I stood up and ran to the guestroom, throwing myself on the bed. Still holding the bracelet, I broke down, retreating to my tears.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next day, Corinne and AJ had to go to this dinner party thing. They didn't want to leave me alone, by I used my powers of manipulation and I managed to convince them to go. I knew this was my only opportunity.
I sat on the edge of the bed, wearing the bracelet, playing with the gun I held in my hands. As I did so, a million thoughts swarmed through my head. Pieces of my life, especially memories of my relationship with Brian. The relationship that would no longer be. I sat there for hours, knowing I was wasting the precious time I had before they arrived home, but not really caring. Finally, I felt like I could do it. I held the gun up to my head. This is it, I thought. Goodbye everyone. I'll miss you. I took a deep breath and started to pull the trigger.
"NOOOOOO!!! Oh my god Mari don't do it!!! PLEASE!!!"
I dropped the gun in shock. I looked up and saw Corinne and AJ running towards me. I sighed. I had waited too long. They reached me and hugged me tightly.
"Oh my god, Mari, why did you try to? You can't! There's too many people that care about you!" Corinne said.
"I know. That's not the problem. Goddamnit, why can't you see? Why can't you understand? It was my fault he died. If we hadn't been in love, he wouldn't have been in the car accident, and he wouldn't have died! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM!!! I'VE TRIED AND I CAN'T!!!" I cried, breaking down, tears streaming down my face.
"God, Mari, it's not your fault! What's meant to happen will happen. You believe in that theory as much as we do. I don't know why Brian had to die, and I don't think it's fucking fair either. But it doesn't matter, cause he's gone. We all wish he wasn't, but he is. And knowing how much he loved you, he wouldn't want you to be going through all this pain, and trying to kill yourself, just because he's dead. It's hard, Mari, but please don't do this. We've all had enough loss for a lifetime," AJ said.
I nodded, crying too hard to speak. As much as I hated to admit it, AJ was right. I couldn't imagine life without Brian. But I was going to have to.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~ONE YEAR LATER~*~
AJ and Corinne are engaged now. Big surprise there. I'm so happy for them. I want them to have the happiness Brian and I never got a chance to have. The wedding is in a month, so things have been hectic recently. Since I'm the maid of honor, I've been helping Corinne out with all the planning. It's painful, but I'm surviving. The wedding's going to be great - I can tell. I told Corinne to never let AJ go. I don't think she will.
As for myself, well, I'm actually glad I didn't commit suicide. I still think about Brian everyday of my life, and I think I might do that for the rest of my life. But I'm starting to move on. Brian will always hold a special place in my heart, but I know he wants me to be happy. So I'm trying. I've even started dating again. No serious relationships - I'm not having another one of those for a LONG time. I'm just starting to learn what it's like to have fun again.
You know what? When Brian first died, I thought he'd broken his promise to me. But now I've realized that he he didn't break it. Everything I do, everywhere I go, he's there, watching over me. No physically, but in another sense. Don't ask me how, but I just know he's there. He didn't break his promise. Brian will always be with me. Forever.
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