So Close Yet So Far Away
This short story was written by me (Kris).*Author's Note: This story is dedicated to every single Backstreet Boys fan who has ever felt this way - and I know there are several of you.*
So close, yet so far away...
The words echoed in my mind, bouncing around in my head rapidly, repeating themselves continually. Those six words were the only ones I could think of as I watched them perform with incredible emotion, in my mind, singing to me, but in reality, singing to approximately 20,000 other fans.
That fact in itself was a cold reality. A brutally cold reality. For two years they had been the objects of my affection, never leaving my mind, and for two years I was able to make myself believe that I knew them and loved them and they loved me back. Two years of my life were filled with ongoing fantasies - the fantasies that kept me going through the darkest moments of my life.
And now each one of my fantasies were destroyed, and that made me terribly angry. Why were they destroyed, you ask? Because now those five men were singing right in front of my eyes, and for once I wasn't seeing them on TV, or in a picture, or in a music video. They were live, right there, in the same room (as large as it was) as I was. And this proved that they were indeed real people, which in turn proved that my fantasies would never come true.
Seeing them live only made me want them more. Not necessarily romantically - I wasn't that foolish. However, I wanted to be their comforter; their listener; their friend. I wanted so desperately to be a part of their lives, so desperately that it caused physical pain. I knew their public image, but I did not know them. I wanted to know them - the REAL Brian, AJ, Kevin, Howie, and Nick - the true men of the Backstreet Boys.
However, no matter what I wanted, and no matter what I saw them as, to them I was only another fan. Of course they sincerely loved and cared about their fans, and they made efforts to meet thousands of them. But how many of those fans did they truly get to know? How many fans CAN a pop star truly get to know? I wanted desperately to be their friend, but in reality I was only one of millions. Loved, but not known. And at the moment they were right in front of my eyes, but I could not touch them, hug them, talk to them, or be their friend. I was surrounded by 20,000 others like me. If I screamed, they would not hear me, for my voice would be lost among the others. If I smiled, they would not see me, for from the stage my figure blended in with thousands of others. If I pointed a laser pointer at them, yes, they would see me all right (or rather, they would see the laser), but in addition to temporarily blinding them, I would be 'escorted' out of the arena. No matter what I did, I had no way of making any sort of impact on them - after all, I was simply another fan.
I knew at that moment that this night would change my fanaticism for the rest of my life. I would never look at them the same, for instead of obsessing over them, I would now only admire them - from afar. Maybe someday I will meet them, and maybe someday I will be able to tell them how much they have gotten me through. However, that is in the hands of fate - and fate alone.
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