"Brandi, I love you. I know I'll never forget this and I hope you won't either." He grabbed my hand and kissed it. My face got hot and I could feel the tears forming at the corners of my eyes.
"Oh, Brian, I promise, I'll never forget. And you know what?! When I'm up there, I'll ask him if I can be your guardian angel. To be there for you like you were for me. I love you." By this time, tears were streaming down my face and I was finding it hard to breathe.
"Shhhh. Don't talk like that. We still have plenty of time. Let's not talk about that. Right now is a happy time. Let's enjoy it."
I nodded. He leaned in to kiss me. After he did, I jumped.
"Brian, unlock and open the door. I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea!" I smiled as he got out of his chair and unlocked and opened the door.
"Brandi," He began. "I have to be at rehearsal at 8:30. I am sorry I have to leave you. I don't want to but I promised Fatima I'd be there early." He looked at me as the doctor walked in.
"Hello, Mr. Littrell. How are you today?" Brian looked at him and gave him a knowing smile.
"Okay, I guess. Uh, doctor, can I ask you a favor?" The doctor nodded. "Well, I'm going to rehearsal and I was wondering if Brandi could come too." He smiled at me as my face lit up.
The doctor looked at his charts. "Well, I'd rather have her here to make sure she's okay. But I have faith in you, Brian. Take care of her and have her back her by 6:00. If anything happens, bring her here IMMEDIATELY. I'll go call her mother to see if it's okay." He walked out of the room.
"Brian, thanks. I'm glad you invited me." I smiled at him.
"Yeah, Brandi. It's not a problem. I want you there."
I nodded as the doctor walked in.
"Okay, it's alright with your mother, Brandi. Go and have fun." He looked at his charts and then from me to Brian.
He walked out of the room and I jumped out of my bed so fast. I ran to Brian and gave him a big hug. My drawers were flung open quickly and I was dressed in less than 5 minutes. I brushed my teeth, put on my hat and a little make-up and we were out of there by 8:00.
The drive to the warehouse was quiet. Sorrow was looming and I could feel my heart breaking. We pulled into the nearest parking spot to the entrance and walked in.
Every head in the place must have turned to look at me. I confidently smiled as Brian led me to the nearest chair to sit down. Brian broke the ice.
"Okay, Fatima, let's practice "Don't Want You Back." That's the one I'm really having trouble with." He walked over to her.
"Okay, Brian. Let's start from the top."
They stood side by side and began dancing as the music started. I sat and watched for the next hour and then they took an hour for breakfast.
"Hey, sweetie, how ya doing?" I looked at Nick, who was looming over me. I almost started crying, but I fortunately didn't.
"I'm doing good. A little tired though. I think I'll go get something to eat."
He smiled at me. "No, it's okay, I'll get it. I don't mind. I was on my way over there now anyways. What do you want?" Nick asked politely.
I smiled at him. "Thank you. Um, I'll have a yogurt, a banana and an orange juice."
He nodded and walked over to the table where the food was set out. I saw Brian sauntering my way and my face lit up. I smiled at him as he sat down.
"So, what do you want to eat?"
I shook my head at him.
"Oh, okay. Brandi, when are you gonna do it?" I knew what he was talking about.
"Soon enough. When I think the time is right. I promise. And by the way, Nick just went to get my food. Thank you anyway, Bri." I leaned over to kiss him as Nick walked back. He sat down beside Brian.
"Thank you, Nick."
We all laughed and began eating. An hour later, they were ready to get back to rehearsing.
"Okay, everyone. Ya'll ready to go?! First, we're gonna work on 'Show Me The Meaning.' That's the one we're fixing to do as a video, so we need to work on it."
I gasped. I didn't know if I was ready to hear that song just yet. As the music began, Brian looked at me. I think he knew I was hurting inside. As the song played, I saw Brian look over at me and he mouthed the words to the song. That was the last straw....I burst into tears. The music stopped as Brian walked over to me.
"Brian Thomas Littrell. Get your pretty Backstreet butt over here before I have to threaten bodily harm on you. How are we ever gonna..." Fatima stopped as she saw why Brian stopped.
"Brandi, honey, are you okay?!" He crouched in front of me and wiped a tear from my cheek.
"Um, yeah, but I think I just need to, I don't know, go do SOMETHING!" He nodded at me. He understood.
"Okay, sweetie. We'll go do something." I nodded at him this time. Nick walked over.
"You should take her out to do something SHE wants to do Brian." He smiled at me, although I could see his look of worry written all over his face.
Tears started streaming down Brian's face. He was worried.
"Brandi, I know what you're going through. Not because I went through it personally but because I was around someone who went through it. If you EVER need me, I'm always here. I promise." Kevin said as he walked over to the nearest chair and sat down.
Brian put his hand under my chin and made me look at him. "What are you feeling inside, Brandi?"
I wiped a tear from my chin. "I'm confused, lonely, heartbroken. I just want to get out of here."
He kissed me. I looked behind Brian to see Fatima walking over to us.
She hugged me. "Brian, if you want, you can go and spend some time with Brandi."
He smiled at me. "Do you want to?" I nodded.
"I'd love to!" He grabbed my hand. "Bye everyone. Thank you for being so understanding!" I hugged everyone as we walked out.
"We'll be over to the hospital to see you tomorrow, Brandi. Bye sweetie." Kevin hugged me.
Brian and I walked out of the warehouse into the morning sun.
For the next 8 hours we had a blast. We went shopping, to the movies, to lunch, and at 4:45, we went and ate an early dinner. He bought me a ring. It had two hearts intertwined in the middle. It was so cute. It was sooooo romantic when he gave it to me, too. He said it was to seal the promise that he and I had made the previous night. I, of course, started crying. We arrived at the hospital at 5:53. Right before 6:00. My curfew! We went to my room and watched t.v. til about 7:30, then the doctor made Brian leave because visiting hours were over with.
He left and I was left alone with my thoughts and memories of the days events. The doctor came in at about 9:00 o'clock to check on me while I was writing a letter to Brian. I quickly hid it under my pillow as he walked in. He looked at the machines around me, then at his charts and left. I pulled the notebook out from under my pillow and continued writing 'til I finished it. I put it in an envelope and addressed it to 'Brian Thomas Littrell'. I held it in my hand and called the nurse. She came in a few minutes later and I was crying.
"Oh, Brandi, dear, what's the matter?" She looked at me and ran over to me.
I shook my head. "Oh, Rita, it's nothing bad. I just want you to do me a favor."
She nodded as she looked at my letter. I showed it to her, but didn't let her read it. I wiped some tears from my face and began talking.
"When I...die, will you give this to Brian Littrell? One of the Backstreet Boys. He'll probably be by to visit me, and I won't be here. Give this to him. I'm putting it in my top drawer and only you will know it's here. Can you do that for me?" Tears were still streaming down my face.
She hugged me to comfort me. "Oh, sweetie, yes, I will. I promise. Now, you get some rest. I'll be by in the morning to check on you. Night sweetie." She turned of my lamp and left.
The next morning, I woke up to a soft knock on my door and Brian's soothing voice whispering my name. I moaned for him to come in. The door slowly opened and in came Brian, Nick, Kevin, AJ and Howie. I looked at Brian and smiled. For some reason, he looked upset.
"What time is it?" I asked trying to turn over to look at the clock.
Kevin was quick to answer. "It's 7:15. We promised you we'd be by to see you. Since we didn't know if we'd have time later in the day, we thought we'd start our day out on the right foot."
Howie interrupted him with his gayness. "Well, actually Kev, I started the day out on my left foot. I got up on the left side.."
I couldn't take it, so I interrupted HIM. "HAHA." I used my fake laughter to humor him. "When do you guys have to be at dance rehearsal?"
"Well, 9:30 today. We told Fatima we were stopping by to see you, and she said we could come in later today." Brian smiled at me and leaned over to kiss me.
I stopped him. He frowned. "What? Do I have bad breath?!"
I laughed. "No, I do."
They all laughed at me.
"Brandi, I don't care. We all get it sometime. I'll forgive you."
And he kissed me without warning. And I didn't stop him this time. Everyone laughed at us.
"So, Brandi, do you wanna come to rehearsal again today? We'd love for you to." Kevin said.
I frowned. "Oh, guys, I'd love to, but my friends, Shirley and Tami are coming to visit me today. They'll be here around 8:30."
Brian smiled mischievously. "Well, hey, you can bring them too. If they want, they can be in the video. We need some girls to dance with."
I smiled at him. He was so cute when he was happy. He reminded me of a kid in a candy store.
"Well, okay. I guess so. I have to okay it with the doctor though." I pushed the call button and a few minutes later, the doctor came rushing in with his clipboard.
"What's wrong?!" He asked me as he smiled at the guys.
"Oh, nothing. I was wondering if I could go with Brian again today?"
He nodded. "Okay, it's fine by me. He had you back on time yesterday and I trust him. I just have to call your mom." He walked off and came back a few minutes later.
"She said it's okay. And she also said she likes to sleep, so if you ever wanna go with Brian, we can allow you too without calling her. You just have to o.k. it with me first. I'll let you be with your visitors. Be back by 6:00. Bye." He left the room as Brian hugged me.
For the next hour, we watched cartoons. I laughed like a kid again, like I didn't have a care in the world. At 8:15 or so, I got in the shower and got dressed. I flipped on the music channel to wait for Tami and Shirley. I thought for a minute and laughed to myself.
"What so funny, huh?" Brian asked me.
I shook my head. "Well, I didn't tell them that I know you guys. They're big fans of yours, so I thought I'd warn you so you can prepare yourself. They're gonna hate me. Oh well, I'm sure they'll get over it!"
Just as I said that, there was a knock on the door. I made AJ and Nick answer it. Then I heard a gasp as they opened it.
"Oh, okay. I see how you wanna be. You have the BACKSTREET BOYS visit you in the hospital and you don't tell us. We love you too!"
Tami looked mad but I could tell she was just joking. She hugged me. Then Shirley followed her lead.
"Well, sorry. That's not the best part though. I'm dating Brian!" I smiled at him and Tami screeched.
"I'm so happy for you!" She hugged me..then Brian.
"Okay, well, oh, yeah, the guys wanna know if you two would like to go with us today to rehearsal. If you want, you can be in the video. They're in dire need for some girls to dance with."
Tami dropped her jaw. "Sure. We'd love to." Shirley and Tami agreed simultaneously.
They sat on the windowsill and we continued to watch cartoons til it was time to go.
When we got to rehearsal, I danced with Brian, Tami danced with Nick, and Shirley danced with AJ.
I liked being around Brian and spending time with him. He treated me normal, like I would be around forever.
After rehearsal, they took me to the hotel. Shirley and Tami stayed with and the Boys went to dinner.
~*At Dinner With The Guys*~
Brian was beaming and Nick had been worried all day. He wondered what was wrong with him... Nick made a mental note to ask Brian later.
Somehow, the dinner conversation led to Brandi and Brian smiled real big.
"Why YOU so happy?" Nick asked.
Brian reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box. Everyone gasped. He opened the box to reveal a large diamond.
Kevin spoke up. "Uh, Brian, that's not what I think it is, is it? You're not planning on...are you?" He asked shocked.
"Yeah, actually, I am. I want to be with her Kevin."
Kevin shook his head. "Brian, she's not gonna be around very long. You can't do this. You'll end up with nothing but a broken heart. I don't think you're ready for that kind of hurt." Kevin was getting angry.
"Don't tell me what I can and can't handle and what you think I'm ready for. I'm going to do it and I don't care WHAT you think!" He laid some money on the table and pushed his chair back. "See ya'll at the hotel!" He walked out before anyone had time to protest.
Brian went to his hotel room and lay thinking in bed til late in the night. Soon, he fell asleep.
The next morning he got up before anyone was awake. He was gonna go to the hospital. He wanted to visit her before rehearsal. He got a shower, got dressed and wrote a note. On his way out, he slipped the note under Nick's door and headed to the hospital.
He arrived at the hospital at about 7:15. As he walked past the nurses station, Nurse Rita stopped him.
"Mr. Littrell, you can't go in there. She's not doing too good. Last night, the doctor took her into surgery in hopes of removing a large portion of the tumor consuming her body. But there were complications." He got weak in the knees and his stomach started churning.
"Oh, God, is she okay?!" The nurse shrugged.
"We hope so. But we're not sure. Instead of waiting here to hear something, you should go on about your day. I'll be sure to call you if anything happens." He nodded.
"Oh, okay. Bye." He turned and walked towards the exit. The nurse sighed as she thought of that helpless girl laying in that hospital bed.
That day at rehearsal was the worst for Brian. He didn't do too well and none of the others knew why. Finally, at around 5, his cell phone rang. He silently prayed to God that she was okay as he answered the phone.
"Hello?" He said nervously.
The woman on the other end sounded cheerful as she replied a quick hello. "Brian, she's doing better now. But, she can't have visitors. Her heart's still kind of weak, but if you'd like, you can come see her in the morning." He breathed a sigh of relief.
"Oh, God, that's great! Tell her I'll be there tomorrow. Thanks Rita. Good bye." He hung up the phone.
For the rest of rehearsal, he was on cloud nine. The woman he loved was saved....once. 'How many times more?' a small voice in the back of his mind asked. After rehearsal, he went to the hotel and quickly fell asleep.
The next morning, he woke up bright and early. He was in the best mood! He thought of what he was going to do today and smiled to himself. He walked out into the hall to Nick's room. He wanted some moral support when he asked her. He knocked on the door and a sleepy Nick answered.
"Man, Rok, it's WAYYYYY too early. What DO you want?!"
Brian smiled. "I'm going to ask her to marry me. I want my best friend to come too. Please?!" He pleaded.
"Okay, give me 10 minutes. I'll meet you in the lobby."
He slammed the door in Brian's face and got changed. 10 minutes later, the two met in the lobby and the drove to the hospital.
As Brian entered the cancer ward, Nurse Rita pulled an evelope out of her drawer and she sighed. She looked at it once more. Brian walked towards Brandi's room but Rita stopped him. He turned around to look at her.
"Brian, you can't go in there. They're cleaning up."
"Okay, I'll wait." Nick looked at Brian and thought of what the nurse had just said.
"No, I mean, she's not there anymore."
Brian's eyes lit up. "YES!!! She went home. I didn't know she was better."
The nurse shook her head. "No, dear. She passed away."
She handed him the envelope, squeezed his hand and began walking away. Brian stood there stunned, until he came back to reality. He called the nurse back.
"Yes, Brian?"
He wiped a tear from his cheek. "Wh-where is she?" He asked. Nick looked at him.