Oreo Sprout is here again, la la la la la. Tiptoe through the posies, kiddos, 'cuz I'm back with another ridiculous confection thought up by me, myself, and I.Multiple personalities can alwaysmake it too crowded in here. On with the ranting- it's a comparison...what would be a better lifestyle- star? Or Fan?
The advantage to this is obvious- you become stinkin’ rich!
However, I would never choose to degrade myself by allowing my face to be plastered across teenybopper magnets and notepads, bubblegum and whatnot. I have respect for myself, and I sure as hell wouldn’t want the embarrassment of having to sign a cheap-ass fruit-of-the-loom T-shirt with my face on it.
On the other hand, you do get to hang out with other rich stars such as yourself and be admired by all teenyboppers alike
BUT you shall be ridiculed by metallers and Korn fans mercilessly. The only piece of ass you’ll be able to score are twelve year old teenyboppers who are eager to show you what they’ve recently learned in sex ed. Go figure, eh?
But then again you can never forget that you shall become stinkin’ rich. Your face will be shown in dozens upon dozens of magazines and you shall be worshipped like goat cheese.
Then again, the only magazines that will keep on foolishly displaying your pearly whites are dumb ones like BOP. The kind of magazines that will perfectly line your birdcage and are there when you’ve run out of toilet paper. Would you seriously allow yourself to be featured in the same magazine as Hanson? Not I.
You are respected and revered by millions . . .
. . . of teenyboppers and flirtyboppers. You won’t be able to do anything without being recklessly speculated by the wandering eyes of the press. Even if you happen to drink a tiny drop of wine or even set a small fire to your own house, the press will be there, ruthlessly displaying your sanctimonious image as false. Yes, you won’t even be able to worship goat cheese without millions knowing about it.
You’ll get to be on TV and of course that’s always an opportunity one usually doesn’t get on a regular daily basis
Although it depends on which TV show you’re on. Now, if you’re on, say, TRL, there’s a 50/50 chance of being either made fun of or sarcastically referred to as a “rock god”. Then again, if it’s BSB TV, then that’s more your field of worship. The flip side of it is that whatever you do, if even one strand of curly blonde hair is out of place your fans shall go ballistic. You’re forced to wear more makeup than Linda Tripp, and stylers dress you up like your mommy (Don’t worry, Justin. We understand).
You will be showered with lots of free crap wherever you go—from hotel towels to free slurpees in the local Orlando 7-11, to even . . .
Teenybopper panties with your face printed on the ass. And sports bras. The occasional phone number and tape showing fat girls huffing and puffing to your songs. Sometimes the tapes tend to be a little bit more . . .erotic, but you must take it all in stride. Depending on how old the girls are and how legal.
Or course, people are unfazed by whatever you do.... in their eyes, you're a god and can do no wrong
Of course, unless you have a girlfriend, after which both you and your Significant Other (Limp Bizkit reference) will be ridiculed and hated by teenyboppers and flirty boppers all over the world. As far as they know, you must remain a virgin who has never known the meaning of the world "f**k"
FAN
What's an advantage to being a fan?.......Anonimity?
Yeah, it's just wonderful to be a nobody. Another face in the crowd that's just good for earning money
(Notice the biting sarcasm here?)
Of course, that means you do have a chance with your favorite star....
As long as you're legal, that is Stars always dedicate their awards to fans
After all, how else did they become stinkin' rich? You have a chance to buy lots of cool memorabilia
Yeah, **cough cough** wonderful stuff....like yo-yos that you send allyour allowance on. What a drag Concerts can be fun
Of course you'll have to deal with 15,000 replicas of yourself, half of which want the same man as you (unless you want Joey that is) It's great seeing your favorite stars up close...
...While of course looking like the biggest spaz while doing so, screaming out their names and having their names painted on your face. For the love of goat cheese, they know their own friggin' names, alright, people!? Going to concerts once again is fun, especially after getting the very last tickets....
...Which cost $900 and are in the very last section right smack behind a pole, after waiting 7 hours in line to get them.... oh y es. What fun they are.
Even though as a star you're constantly ridiculed and shamefacedly admired by girls who haven't even acquired **cough cough** "Britney Spears-thingies" yet.
But like Meja so eloquently expresses, it's all 'bout the money. And people admire you, no matter how teenyboppy they are. Don't take for granted the power you have. After all, teenyboppers are pretty powerful themselves and you have the power to control them!!!
Do I sound a bit fascist here?..... Oh well. Fascism. It's a beautiful thing.