The Way home
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The Way Home

Beloved Catherine,

....The affliction felt within my heart, within my soul, surpasses everything that I have ever experienced in my existence. I feel... empty and alone. I am here, but I am nothing. Without you I possess no purpose in this life. I failed you Catherine, for this there can never be forgiveness. Only shame and disgrace. I will be forever punished by the absence of your light, and reminded of that punishment everyday when I gaze into the smiling eyes of our son Jacob. Yes Catherine, our son is beautiful. He is the conformation that we loved. That we became one with each other. That our love lives.

.....If only I had, had the courage to tell you all that I was feeling. My needs, my desires... yes, and my selfishness for wanting you all to myself. These feelings had caused me great shame for not wanting to share you with the world above. Now they bring me only pain and grief. I know now, with my silence I have caused much anguish. I had only to ask and you would have come to me... shared my life here below. I had only to ask and the entire world would have been mine... been ours to share. By my silence you were deprived of what I should have given to you freely. So much you had to suffer because of me. Because I lacked the courage to share with you all that you gave to me. The love I saw in your eyes, felt in your arms, and heard whispering to me from your heart. These same feelings I could have shared with you, but did not, have damned me, destroyed me, condemned me to a lonely existence of ageless despair.

.....It is too late for this life My Love, so I shall ask now for the next. It will be many years I am sure, but one day we will be together again, I promise you. When that times comes, I will share with you all that I am. I will love you with my body as I have always loved you with my heart. Everlasting, never ending, completely without reserve.

.....Please Catherine, wait for me? Receive me when my life has ceased? Hold me to yourself in death as you have held me in life? Be mine in eternity and I in return will relinquish all my fears and bare my soul unto thee.

I love you Catherine,

I miss you,

Vincent

.....It was a private ceremony. Vincent was alone. Leaning closer to the fire that burned brightly within the cavern, Vincent kissed then fed the neatly folded letter into the flame. His body trembled as he rocked back on his heels. Tear filled eyes scanned upward as they witnessed particles of charred paper ascending through the opening in the ceiling. Vincent's hands trembled as they extended themselves toward the sky. His voice wavered and cracked.

....."Please God," he choked as tears overflowed to moisten his cheeks. "Allow the constellations to shine this message toward the heavens, for I know in view of her greatness here below, My Catherine could be nothing less than an angel."

.....It had been six months since Catherine's passing, and although Jacob had brought him much joy, there was still a void that could not be fulfilled. Not by the child, not by Father, and certainly NOT by Diana. Standing in Fathers study she had let Vincent know that she was there should he need someone. A hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, and more if that was his desire. Diana was more than willing to wait.

....."Soon you will need somebody to help carry the burden, lessen the pain. Somebody to take care of your needs. Now that you have tasted life you'll soon hunger for more and I'll be waiting for you. You see Vincent, You have what I want and I have what you will need. I can give you more than you ever hope to wish for."

.....Diana's words were soft and meant to be reassuring. She knew of the aloneness brought on by that unfulfilled biological urge. She wanted him to realize she really did care for him. That she desired him as Catherine had. Vincent in his grief turned sharply with a menacing "Growl"

....." And I suppose had I not found my son, You could give me another" he spat, "and all would be well again? NO Diana, there is nothing to replace my loss, Anywhere!" he shouted as he paced before her. "Some things are Irreplaceable!"

.....Bracing his hands, Vincent leaned heavily on the desk as Diana watched from behind. His voice was barely audible.

....."The stars in the midnight sky... irreplaceable. The blue of the oceans depths... A tender kiss upon my lips...

.....Closing his eyes Vincent grew silent as his memories swept him back to the first kiss he shared with his beloved Catherine. A grievous sigh escaped him. His massive shoulders slumped forward and his shaggy head dropped to his chest.

....."...And Catherine... My beloved Catherine. Matron of my heart, Mother of my child, Keeper of this... my life. Until I am once again by her side, there can be no fulfillment. There can never be... a replacement."

.....Vincent shot Diana a quick glance over his shoulder.

....."Leave me now... Please. I have no desire for your... companionship."

.....Minutes passed and Diana had not budged. She was about to speak when Vincent stepped past her entering the passageway leading to his chamber. Grasping the intensity of his message, Diana left.

.....In the stillness of his chamber, Vincent composed a letter, He had to somehow let Catherine know that he had truly loved her, loved her still, would love her... always, and should there be an after life, he would come to her, willingly without reserve. Message sent, he wept.

.....Weeks slid mournfully by as Vincent tried in vain to get on with his life in the underground community. He was finding it extremely difficult to concentrate on any one thing. The lessons he had laid out for the children were only partially finished, half taught. The chess game with Father was played and lost in three moves, Father being the victor. Even while reciting his favorite childhood stories to his son Jacob, Vincent found himself not remembering the fable's end.

....."How was it possible for Father to go on after Margaret, or Eric after Ellie? How can one expect to go on when they are only half there? No... less than half, for half of me was buried with her and the half that remains... no long functions adequately. All that is left is a shell, fraught with caustic aloneness."

.....An urgent message being tapped on the pipes startled Vincent to alertness.

CAVE-IN ~ MIDDLE CHAMBERS ~ CANIN TRAPPED ~ EMERGENCY ~ GET VINCENT

.....With Jacob in Mary's care, Vincent raced off.

.....Upon reaching the rubble the crowd that had gathered told Vincent what had happened. Canin had been working on a new system. The stone and earth surrounding this section of the tunnels was softer and not meant for turning into chambers, but Canin thought he could use support beams in various places to stabilize and strengthen. Then it would be unnecessary to have to use the chambers far below.

.....It turned out Canin was uninjured and only five feet of dirt separated him from the others. The chambers unhampered space allowed two, perhaps three hours of air. Vincent managed to dig through and pull the Stonecutter to safety.

....."You're very lucky Canin," said Vincent placing a dusty hand on the man's shoulder. "But whatever possessed you to build in such an unstable area?"

....."Come with me and I'll show you." Canin was brushing sand from his hair as he backed up toward the cave-in. "Over here" he beckoned.

.....Down and across from the disaster sight was a very small chamber. Five support beams stood in place in the corners and the center of the room.

....."It's a private bathing chamber." Spoke Canin. "It works quite well. I thought with a few more supports, a larger chamber would be possible."

.....The two men entered the tiny chamber. Vincent looked around in amazement.

....."I would never have thought it possible" Pushing on the center post Vincent turned back to his friend. "It does seem to be quite sturdy....

.....But as he spoke the ground beneath the larger man appeared to open up and swallow Vincent and the support beam, taking both clear out of sight. Canin stood staring in wide-eyed shock. There was nothing, no evidence at all that Vincent had even been standing there. A harrowing cry erupted from somewhere deep within the stonecutters lungs as he began frantically pawing the ground in search of his leonine friend. The faster Canin pulled the sand away the more elusive the passageway became....

Vincent didn't want to open his eyes. He was warm, comfortable, and content. He thought he could almost hear Catherine's voice echo somewhere in the distance. So long had it been since he'd felt so serene. To remain in this state suited Vincent just fine. Catherine's voice seemed to grow louder, more insistent.

....Vincent groaned. "No, if I open my eyes I will only find that I am dreaming. I wish to remain asleep."

....Slumberous, he rolled to his side. Breathing in deeply he thought he caught a familiar scent. A warm light breeze caressed his cheek. A voice seemed to whisper sweetly into his ear.

...."You must wake up. You can't stay here. Please Vincent, wake up?"

....Vincent knew that voice as well as he knew his own. "but" he thought to himself. "If I open my eyes the elusion will fade and I will again feel the aloneness of being without her."

....As if being kissed Vincent felt moistness on his forehead and a hand tangle itself within his golden tresses.

....Vincent could resist no longer. Opening his eyes he was blinded by an intense white light. Shielding his eyes with the back of his hand Vincent squinted into the brilliance to the exotic vision beyond.

....Beside him on the grass mere inches away, was Catherine. She was dressed in a long white gown with tiny gold embroidered roses framing its modestly low cut neckline. The sleeves hung loose to a single point that didn't quite reach the tips of her delicate fingers. Green eyes sparkled with love as full lips curved into a warm smile.

.... "If only my dreams were always this real." He sighed.

....Catherine released her hand from his hair to tenderly stroke his cheek. "You're not dreaming Vincent."

.... Endearing yet puzzled he tilted his head to one side.

.... "All of this," she said gesturing with a wide swing of her hand. "And me, it's all real."

.... "You're really here? But how?" Questioned Vincent.

.... "No, I'm not Vincent. You are. I have not come to you, you have come to me. On the other side."

....Sitting up Vincent took Catherine's hands in his. "All that matters is that we are together again, and this time I will not fail you Catherine, I promise!"

....Catherine lowered her gaze and Vincent could feel her sadness.

.... "What is it Catherine? Why do I feel your melancholy?"

.... "Because Vincent, for the first time you have failed me." Vincent looked at her questioning as she continued. "You tried in every way possible to free me from Gabriel and his men. Because you didn't succeed doesn't mean you failed. It only means that it was not to be. You were fighting with all the power you possessed as I was. Unfortunately... We lost. My battle ended here."

.... Pulling her close, Vincent expressed. "And now I am here with you. So tell me, how have I failed you?"

.... Standing, Catherine led Vincent to a small pond. Waving her hand she spoke softly. "Look." The waters rippled, and before him was a picture of despair. Canin, Mouse, Pascal, and Father were all digging frantically into the dirt floor of a small chamber. Father was weeping the name Vincent as his bloodied hands rammed again and again into the sand and stone where Vincent had disappeared.

.... Canin was blaming himself for taking Vincent to the chamber. Pascal felt guilty for calling to him on the pipes, and Mouse, he felt responsible for not keeping a better watch over the man he had grown to love so dearly, his best friend in all the world, Vincent.

.... "Look at their faces Vincent, see the sadness in their hearts? Look at our son, what can you feel there?"

.... "But... This was not my doing. I did not plan for this to happen!"

.... "You didn't fight to survive either. If you don't fight you cannot stay. There is another place for those who give up, and if you give up now... we will never be together... Never! For us, for our child Vincent, you can't quit now. Look at him, Jacob grows weaker by the moment. He is not yet old enough to survive without the bond you share. Without you close to him he will die and then you will have failed me a second time. But if you return now and fight for your life you will win!

.... "Yes" he sighed. "I can feel him growing weak."

.... "Vincent, I received the message you sent and you must not feel so negative. I know how deeply you loved me, how deeply you love me now. I knew the desires you felt, but I also felt your fears. Our time will come Vincent, this has been promised to me. You must know that you have never failed me." Holding his hands close to her lips she whispered. "Please Vincent, don't give up! Eternity belongs to us!" Catherine moved his hands down to her breast. Holding them firmly against her heart she voiced fervently. "You have promised me all that you are. I will promise this to you... I will wait until forever if need be. I will not only receive you when your life on Earth is done, but I will be there as well to guide you into the beyond. I will hold you to myself in this life closer than I did before. I will calm your fears and bring them to their knees. For in this life we will be free to walk in daylight as husband and wife without fear of persecution. Our physical union will be smiled upon by the Gods because like myself they know your heart and a heart like yours could only belong to a man. Your spirit can only belong to me as mine will belong to you. Now Vincent, your decision holds the key to our destiny."

.... Vincent shrugged his massive shoulders. Turning to face her, he looked directly into her eyes. "Then I have no choice" came the quiet reply. "I must go. Be well Catherine."

.... "And you Vincent." She said embracing him. Tilting her face up to his Catherine closed her eyes. Vincent leaned forward and placed his mouth over hers. The kiss was brief but deeply felt. As they parted, a mist began to ease its way around them. Catherine stepped back and placed her hand on his chest above his heart as she spoke.

.... "Where ever you go, where ever I am, I'm with you. Simply search your heart."

.... She turned to leave and as she walked through the mist Vincent noticed for the first time. Catherine had been endowed with a pair of slender white wings that folded gracefully behind her. A true vision of heaven, but then in Vincent's eyes had she ever been anything else...?

***

.... Fighting for air and desperately swimming through small stones and sand, Vincent felt several hands clasping his out stretched arms. As Father and the others hoisted him up from certain death, he could hear Catherine's voice echo in the distance.

"Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.
For solace you must search your heart
You'll find me there, we'll never part.
Eternity is ours you'll see,
I promise I will wait for thee."

By: Darlene