RAVER SELF DEFENSE 101

Recent attacks on ravers from PLUR-challenged elements of our society has left many of us feeling frightened and helpless. When hugs and smiles fail to disarm antagonism from the vibe-impaired, ravers only need to be aware of the powerful arsenal already at their disposal.

Self Defense Tips For Ravers - Part 1 - Raver Weaponry

Bean Bag Chairs - can be used as an assault weapon. Toss at approaching assailant to confuse or temporarily disable. Can be used to absorb blows. Will deflect bullets if filled with pennies or lead weights.

Plow Pops - sharpen the stick end. When threatened, slowly remove blowpop from mouth, then thrust stick end forward into assailant's stomach or groin area.

Vinyl Records - With some practice, you can learn to toss records frisbee style at assailant's neck area for beheading purposes. Do not practice near friends.

Whistles - Can be used to startle and infict hearing pain to oncoming assailants. Note: Although regular people sometimes use whistles as a distress signalling device, most of your fellow ravers will flee from the sound of them rather than come to your aid.

Flyers - Stacks of smaller ones can be thrown in the face of an assailant to blind them. The large commercial ones can be used to inflict a serious paparcut.

Water Bottles - these too make good throwing weapons; even better if filled.

Blinking Lights - wave slowly in front of assailant to hypnotize them. If that fails, throw.

Speaker Cabinets - 2 or more ravers needed to lift and throw. Get permission from owner of sound system first.

Sound System - recent experiments have demonstrated that certain sound frequencies can be tuned to resonate and rupture internal organs. DJs should always carry a few such recordings at renegade parties. Do not mix these up with regular record collection. Aim speakers at antagonists, play recordings at normal volume.