July 19, 1999
Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 06:56:06 -0700
From: Khanh Nguyen
To: mailinglist@drDrew.com
Subject: Welcome to the Official drDrew.com
Newsletter!
Welcome to the Official drdrew.com Newsletter
July 19, 1999
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WIN A TRIP TO HOLLYWOOD TO MEET DR. DREW!
Now that you registered at drdrew.com you are eligible to win a trip for you and a friend to visit Hollywood and meet Dr. Drew. Also, every day one of our members will win an autographed copy of the "Dr. Drew and Adam Book." See site (www.drdrew.com) for details.You have a chance to win - make sure your friends do too!
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Dear Members,
Welcome and thank you for becoming a part of our new community, drdrew.com. This is the premiere of our weekly newsletter, and we appreciate you being one of our original members. Each week I will answer a range of questions from our members here. Please share this with your friends and encourage them to submit their questions. The more experiences and perspectives we share, the more helpful and enjoyable our community will be.
Drdrew.com will focus on the things you care most about--your health and
relationship issues. We will constantly expand your understanding of
important topics and connect you with inspiring, creative, and supportive people who can help serve as a foundation for a healthy lifestyle.
I am grateful for this opportunity to be of service to you in this capacity--to practice my profession in new and creative ways. I am continually thankful that you allow me to be a part of your life. We are
very excited about this new site and we hope you will enjoy creating this community with us.
Stay Well,
Dr. Drew
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QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
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When drdrew.com launches in September, Dr. Drew will answer a different question every day. In the meantime, Drew has selected a few of your user questions to answer in our newsletter each week.
QUESTION ONE: If there is a chance that I will be having sex with my girlfriend, who should bring the condom? I want to, but I don't want to
seem like I'm pressuring her or that I was expecting to have sex.
DR. DREW: Having a condom available should be common courtesy and etiquette! There shouldn't be any resistance in carrying a condom with you, just remember not to actually store a condom in your wallet, as your body heat may break down the latex.
Your girlfriend is not going to feel pressure to have sex if you don't pressure her. Your emotional posture will determine her experience with
this intimate encounter. Certainly, if you whip out the condom, insisting on her moving forward with physical intimacy, she is going to feel pressured. On the other hand, if the relationship is developing naturally, the availability of a condom will be perceived as a responsible gesture.
In addition to the condom, you should also have an emergency contraceptive kit available in the event that a condom fails or some other mishap occurs that could lead to a pregnancy. People need to be aware that they have 72 hours in which to take emergency contraception after such a situation. If they use this medication properly, it is extremely effective in preventing pregnancy.
QUESTION 2: I am 15 years old, and I can't seem to stop engaging in "cyber sex." I feel that I can easily ask girls on the Internet to have sex. But, in real life, I can't even ask a girl to go out. Why is that?
DR. DREW: I'm concerned with many of the interactions people have in chat rooms--in particular when it comes to intimate dialog. The usual barriers and cues that guide someone through an interpersonal interaction are simply not present, so the interactions build largely on fantasy. While you have indulged your fantasy, your real social skills have suffered.
To have awkwardness and difficulties relating to people at your age is rather normal and something you would want to work on. That is, you have to risk the rejection that is absent in the cyber world. With real human interaction, it's possible that it won't happen the way you wish or fantasize. But, until you develop the skills to establish valid relationships with real people--face to face--your attempts at gratifying the need for interpersonal contact will be hindered. Happiness is dependent on real relationships and
these relationships are dependent on social interaction skills we all must
learn.
QUESTION 3: My girlfriend is being treated for an opiate addiction. She is in a recovery program mandated by her employer. I'm trying to be supportive but her denial can be challenging. Alcohol has never been her drug of choice, so is it harmful to drink an occasional beer around her? I occasionally drink beer or wine. Should I abstain completely or just not drink around her?
DR. DREW: First of all, let me say congratulations that your girlfriend is embarking in the process of recovery. I'm sure you understand that opiate addiction is a very serious addiction fraught with difficulty and
relapses can be common. As such, it is extremely important that you do your part in her treatment.
Without some treatment for yourself, this could be a very painful and
confusing experience. In fact, a very strong predictor of success for an
addict in recovery is the degree of involvement of important people in his or her life.
I would participate in whatever family elements of treatment available in her treatment program. At this stage in her recovery, I would also keep her environment very safe: there should be no substances of abuse in her environment. This includes alcohol, as it is challenging to her and only risks her recovery. She may tell you that it doesn't bother her or she doesn't care. I assure you, however, this puts her in harm's way and jeopardizes her recovery.
The most important task for you is to involve yourself in a copendency recovery program such as ALANON or NARCANON. In these programs, you will
engage in the 12-step meeting, get a sponsor and work the steps. It is
very important that significant people in the addict's life change and
grow as he or she changes and grows. Otherwise, you will suddenly create
forces that keep them in their disease.
Note: Don't be threatened by her recovery or the connections she makes with her recovery peers. These relationships are essential to her survival at this point.
QUESTION 4: I have a sibling who suffers from anxiety and depression. Supposedly, there is a genetic predisposition to this in my family. I have had the occasional "panic attack," but I don't feel I suffer from depression and anxiety. On the other hand, I consider myself to be very "shy" when it comes to approaching women. I get nervous/anxious and I usually refrain from approaching them. This happens even if I know they are interested. Could this "shyness" be a manifestation of my anxiety? Do you have any suggestions on how to overcome this problem?
DR. DREW: There does seem to be a genetic predisposition for depression and anxiety. However, having that family history doesn't necessarily mean you are going to develop those symptoms. It sounds like you are experiencing some psychiatric symptoms, in that panic attacks are really not normal. They can be a manifestation of more serious mental health disorders. You describe yourself as "shy" and shyness is nervousness or anxiety in response to social situations. This could be related to a type of Anxiety Disorder called Social Phobia. True Social Phobia is an intense and unreasonable fear of encountering unknown social situations. Most often, however, our shyness comes from experiences of shame and ultimately from an absent sense of one's self or self-worth.
Throughout adolescence, all of us experience some degree of these sorts of symptoms--including panic attacks and shyness. Certainly, if you feel these symptoms interfere with your social interactions, it is appropriate to seek professional assistance. For the most part, however, your situation sounds like a normal part of the challenges of development--something you will overcome with time.
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MORE DRDREW.COM QUESTIONS COMING YOUR WAY NEXT WEEK. BE SURE TO TELL ALL
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MEET DR. DREW IN PERSON!
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