September 13, 1999
Date: Mon, Sep 13th 1999 15:51:09
From: sara@drDrew.com
To: mailinglist@drDrew.com
Subject: drDrew.com Newsletter -- September 13, 1999
THE OFFICIAL DRDREW.COM NEWSLETTER
September 13, 1999
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In this issue:
* Win a Trip to Hollywood to Meet Dr. Drew!
* An excerpt from your letters on role models
* A personal note from Dr. Drew on mixmatched relationships
* Dr. Drew answers questions on pot, erection problems, Internet dating,
and male infections
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WIN A TRIP TO HOLLYWOOD TO MEET DR. DREW!
Now that you registered at drDrew.com, you are eligible to win a trip for
you and a friend to visit Hollywood and meet Dr. Drew. Also, every day, one
of our members will win an autographed copy of the "Dr. Drew and Adam
Book." See site (www.drDrew.com) for details. You have a chance to
win--make sure your friends do too!
Congratulations to drDrew.com daily book winners from last week: Jodilynn,
Six, Leahtim, Lis17el, Snoopy101x, Daisypusher23, and Mindfuzz! See the
newsletter next week for this week's winners.
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Dear Member,
>From reading your responses to last week's newsletter, it seems many of you
have strong people in your lives you can look up to. People wrote in about
everything from famous people to ordinary heroes. Thanks to all of you who
wrote in. Here is an excerpt from one particularly moving letter:
"The person that I most admire is my mom, but I didn't realize this until
she died two months ago. She was a long time alchoholic who knew that she
had a serious problem that one day might kill her...I know that no 16 year
old is best friends with their mother and we weren't...but after she died I
found her diary that she had kept for a while just to me when she was in
treatment for the third time. She told me how she hates it too, she hated
it that way and wished she could change back...just that she had at one
point reached that level of honesty with me and herself I know demands
great courage and vulnerability."
* * * * * * * * * *
The only certainty about relationships is how unpredictable they can be.
Two people who you think are perfect for each other will suddenly realize
they are going different places in their lives and break up forever. Then
two people who you would never put together in a million years will
suddenly find true love. One couple I will never forget taught me that love
gets through the toughest of times. I'll call this couple Mike and Delilah.
I remember the first time I met each of them. Mike was an alcoholic
attending my chemical dependency unit. He raged with grandiose stories of
all the different celebrities he knew. He left the program without making
any significant progress or committing himself to recovery. I met Delilah
around that same period of time, when she was an inpatient in the same
psychiatric hospital. She didn't know Mike at the time. She was a heroin
addict in and out of the hospital repeatedly. She was never willing to even
begin to look at her heroin addiction nor the recovery process. I offered
my services should they become necessary, but at that point in time I felt
treatment was only enabling her continued heroin use.
Ultimately, Delilah stopped using heroin and totally surprised me by coming
to my practice with her boyfriend, Mike. This was the same Mike I had
worked with earlier, and he was not drinking as regularly as he had been.
Much to my surprise, he slowly became quite pleasant to be around despite
his occasional drinking binges.
Delilah unfortunately developed multiple medical problems such as diabetes,
emphysema and peripheral vascular disease, and ultimately needed open heart
surgery. In spite of these problems, their relationship continued to
flourish as I watched in amazement. These two, for whom I thought there was
little hope of a meaningful or safe future, found a source of security,
inspiration and intimacy through their relationship. As a result of
creating true intimacy, they assisted one another through their emotional
healing. I have no doubt that without this human connectedness both would
have been dead long ago. Since this was not within the layout of the usual
recovery program, I was consistently amazed at how effective this was for
them.
Unfortunately the growth of their relationship was not able to continue, as
Mike was killed in an accident. My heart continues to go out to Delilah and
my hope is that Mike contributed enough to her life that she could continue
in her own personal growth and attempts at finding health. I continue to
support Delilah -- and will always remember that extraordinary relationship
and how wrong I can be sometimes with conventional wisdom.
Now I turn the question over to you. Have you ever been in a serious
relationship with someone you never expected? Has creating intimacy with
another person helped you move beyond any issues in your past? Is the
relationship still going strong? If not, what did you learn from the
experience? Email us at sarab@drdrew.com.
Stay well,
Dr. Drew
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QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
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QUESTION 1: If I go out to a club every other week and dance for three to
four
hours while other people in the club are smoking pot, can this second hand
pot show up on a drug test?
DR. DREW: Many of my drug-addicted patients have attempted to claim
secondhand exposure as a reason for positive drug test results. However,
one hundred percent of their claims have turned out to be bogus and were
merely excuses for having been caught using the drug. The second hand
exposure excuse has definitely been used many times. I'm certain that if
you locked yourself in an enclosed vehicle and lit a small bonfire of
marijuana, there would certainly be some pot in your urine. However, as a
matter of clinical reality, I have never seen this.
QUESTION 2: I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 18. We've had sex a few times, but
I haven't been able to climax without masturbating myself. The first time
we had sex I dismissed it because it was a "one-night stand" and I
thought
that I was just nervous. I've heard about impotence (inability to have an
erection) and premature ejaculation, but I have not heard about getting an
erection and then not being able to climax. Is this a common problem? Will
I be able to have kids some day?
DR. DREW: The problem you are describing is generally something that is
overcome with time, comfort in a relationship as well as with age and
experience. It is certainly not unheard of. It is important that your
partner understands exactly what you need in order to climax and then
experiment with your partner in the necessary activity. Your role is to be
open in your communication and share this information. And I have
never heard of this preventing someone from having children.
QUESTION 3: I have a question about meeting people over the Internet. I
plan to meet a girl with one of my friends and was wondering what you
think.
DR. DREW: I have a real concern about people who meet over the Internet.
Relationships on the Internet are largely built upon fantasies. They do not
have the usual social cues or sensory interactions that we rely upon to
make our assessments of another person. I definitely agree that you take a
friend with you if you plan to meet this girl. I also think that she should
take a friend with her. If people develop a relationship on the Web, I
believe that having a friend go with them keeps the relationship at a
reality level and adds an essential safety to the interaction. That is, in
discussing the relationship later, they are less likely to create a fantasy
in their heads about who the mystery person is.
On the one hand, I am concerned. On the other hand, if you stick to my
criteria for how the relationship should be conducted after an Internet
introduction, I am reasonably supportive.
QUESTION 4: Can guys get yeast infections?
DR. DREW: Men can sometimes get yeast infections. Although they can carry
the yeast in the urethra (the opening of the penis), it usually does not
cause an infection. However, it is not uncommon to get a yeast infection on
the skin of the penis. This is easily treated with a topical medication.
Yeast is also a common infecting agent of the mouth where it causes
something called oral thrush. Oral thrush can occur in both males and
females. It tends to occur when there has been some alteration in one's
immune system (the system which fights off diseases). Occasionally this can
even occur after a course of antibiotics. Finally, yeast can occur in other
areas of the skin, typically in moist areas or folds such as beneath the
breasts or in the creases at the hip.
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IMPORTANT NOTE: The content presented in this newsletter is not intended to
take the place of professional medical treatment. For specific medical
concerns, you should seek the advice of a qualified health provider.
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