Hanson Road Rules

I’m sorry. I let me start at the beginning.

Last summer, MTV produced a show called “The Real World - Hanson.” They picked four kids between 12 and 17 to live in a house and film a music video with the band Hanson. Believe it or not, I was one of them. Hard to believe, right? Well, it gets even more shocking. While I was there, Taylor Hanson and I fell in love. That’s right, Taylor Hanson loves me! The guy who could have picked any girl in the whole world chose me, another guy! I was just some wannabe actor, who couldn’t even admit that he liked guys, but Taylor showed me it was possible.

It was the happiest time of my life. Three weeks with Taylor. He showed me how to live my life and not worry about what other people would say, to follow my heart. He gave me my first kiss. He was my first in alot of other ways too. We both knew our time together wouldn’t last forever, but I thought that our love would. Maybe I was wrong.

After I got back, I was sort of a minor celebrity. There were interviews with local TV stations, radio stuff too. No one knew about Tay and me, but still I was on MTV every week when they broadcast the show. All the kids at school asked me about it, even the ones who would have never admited that they liked Hanson. I had tons of girls asking me out, even a couple of guys, but I only had eyes for Tay.

When I saw him last, Taylor gave me a cell phone. Every day after school, I would rush home to use it. We would talk for hours. He would tell me how his promotional tour was coming, and I would tell him about the drudgery of school. He loved to hear about school, since he’d never been in an actual classroom a single day in his life. The wonders of home schooling.

The phone calls started to taper off, though. More and more, I would get someone from his management on the phone. They would tell me that Taylor was busy, and ask if I wanted to leave a message. After about forty messages, I got the hint that maybe someone wasn’t writing them down anymore. About a month ago, the cell phone was shut off. I tried calling him on my own phone, but I was put back in 'message Hell' again. Even my letters started to get returned. I tried e-mailing him but his web address was canceled. Then I tried to locate him through AOL. Do you know how many Hanson fakes there are out there on the ‘net?

I resigned myself to the fact that it was over. I guess he didn’t want to see me anymore. Maybe he had found someone else, or realized that he didn’t like guys or something. That’s when I stopped caring. I don’t mean I stopped caring about Taylor. I mean I just stopped caring about everything. I turned into some sort of zombie. I didn’t even want to feel my heart beat again, because I didn’t want to feel anything anymore. When I lost Tay, I gave up every emotion.

Today is Thursday. I got up and went to school, as usual. I listened to my teachers talk about subjects that I knew more about than they did, as usual. I had lunch with my friends, as usual. Then I took the bus home, also as usual. Every day is pretty much the same. Not like when I was with Taylor. Now, it’s like the whole week is just one big day, only I get to change clothes.

When I got home, my mom told me that Hanson would be on David Letterman. She knew that I liked them, and she joked that I could see my famous friends again. It wasn’t the same, though. All it did was start that whole “missing Taylor” feeling I had inside again. It was a feeling I didn’t like. So, I decided not to watch. I’d rather the hollow feeling than this dull pain.

It was almost midnight, and I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know why, but I turned on the TV. David Letterman was just about to introduce the second song Hanson would perform on his show, and I decided that I should just stop feeling bad and watch.

Maybe it was some psychic side of me trying to tell me something, or maybe it was Divine intervention, or it was dumb luck. My mouth dropped open when I heard what Taylor said.

“Before we start, I would like to send out a 'hello' to my friend Jaxsper. I don’t know why you lost contact with me, but I hope that you’re ok. Maybe you can catch up with our tour. I miss you.”

"Tonight you're mine, completely. You give your love so sweetly. Tonight the light of love is in your eyes, but will you love me tomorrow? Is this a lasting treasure or just a moment's pleasure? Can I believe the magic of your touch? Will you still love me tomorrow?"

He doesn’t know why I lost contact with him? My mind started reeling. Maybe he didn’t stop caring about me. Maybe he didn’t even know that I was calling him all those times. What did he think happened to me? What if he hates me because he thinks I stopped caring!

I pulled up the hansonline site on my computer. It told me that Hanson would be in New York for a couple of days, then move onto Canada.

It was one of those movie moments. You know, when the stage goes dark and the spotlight falls on you? I decided at that moment that if Mohammed wouldn’t come to the mountain, then the mountain would come to Mohammed. Maybe I couldn’t reach Taylor by phone, but I sure could see him in person. I would catch up to their tour, and nothing and no one would stop me.

My name is Jaxsper Finn, and I am alive inside. Last summer I met Taylor Hanson. We fell in love with each other, and pledged to always be together. Something happened and now he is gone from my life. It would take a miracle to get him back, and I believe in miracles - with all my heart!

Sagittarius North, or Sage as all his fans called him, had joined the Hansons for “Some Assembly Required” a school assembly tour telling kids to stay in school. This week Sage, Hanson, and a few other teen stars were appearing before three New York high schools.

Sage’s popularity was growing. He had just finished another feature film, this after a few years as the big, teen-heartthrob on a soap opera. Sage had been on the cover of all the teen magazines for the last six months. He was popular, good looking, charming, and he knew it.

Hanson was up onstage singing their new single, “Lonely Boy” and Sage had positioned himself close enough backstage to get a good look.

“It began in the Spring. I was looking for another lonely heart. I tried to find the answer, tried to find the missing part. Now it’s Fall, and the wind is blowing. It’s still cold inside my heart. I’m all alone, and my heart is calling, ‘Is there no one, who can love this lonely boy? At the end of the day, there’s no one to hold my hand. Is there no one, who can love this lonely boy? At the end of the day, there is just no one who understands.”

Ike liked the re-working Taylor did on this song. “Lonely Boy” wasn’t actually a new song, but instead an updated version of a song from one of their earlier recordings, “Boomerang.” Isaac was happy that Tay had taken the initiative to suggest that they bring the song back. Taylor had developed new harmonies, and a different musical arrangement for the song, even re-wrote some of the lyrics. Plus, Ike thought that it played up on Taylor’s own ‘teen heartthrob’ status. It sure made all the girls love him and the band more, when Tay sang about being lonely. It made all the fans think that they could be the one for Taylor.

The band finished. They could still make all the girls scream. Ike and his brother rushed backstage and the MC from one of the radio stations took over the crowd and introduced the next act.

“Great song, Taylor,” Sage said. “You seem to put alot of yourself into your work.”

“Thanks, ummm Sagittarius isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but call me Sage. You know, you sang that song like you really felt it. Is it true?”

“Is what true,” Taylor asked.

“That you’re a lonely boy?” Sage responded, moving in closer.

Sage liked Taylor. He liked alot of boys. Sure, magazines like “Bop” and “Teen” made it look like Sage was a real lady’s man, but Sage knew what he really wanted. He wanted guys, and lots of them. He was sure that Taylor was “his way” too. “Why, just look at him,” Sage thought, “The feminine features, the sensitive song lyrics. All of it.” Yep, Sage knew that Taylor would be a nice catch for him, at least for right now.

Zac bounded into the room and interrupted the subtle sparks shooting between the other two boys.

“Hey guys,” he yelled. “Whatcha eating, dude?” Zac picked up the half eaten sandwich from Sage’s table.

“It’s my sandwich, kid. Had my assistant get it for me before the show started.” Sage answered, “You mind putting it down. I was, sort of talking to your brother here. You know, alone.”

Zac answered, “First of all, don’t call me kid. You’re...what a whole 4 years or so older than me, old man. Second, I’ll answer the question for Taylor. He has someone, he’s not lonely at all. Right, Tay.....Tay?!”

Taylor tore his eyes away from Sage’s gaze for a second. There was something about Sage that he liked. He was so direct, not to mention good looking. Taylor had denied his homosexuality for a long time. When he was on tour, there was a few guys he saw that he wanted to get to know better, but he was always afraid to make the first move. He thought he would be lonely forever, until last summer when he met Jaxsper. Taylor didn’t know why, but it seemed like Jax had stopped loving him. It had been months since he had heard from him. Now, there was this new guy. Taylor couldn’t be sure, but he thought that Sage might be coming on to him.

Taylor answered, “Ummm, yeah I have someone who loves me.”

“You don’t sound very convinced, Taylor,” Sage said, raising an eyebrow and flashing his sparkling smile. “Are you sure? Who is this lucky girl?”

Zac dropped Sage’s sandwich and said, “It’s just someone, alright. They fell in love over the summer. They’re a great couple, ok? That’s all you need to know.”

Sage turned back to Taylor and said, “Secret girl, huh? Come on, brag. Tell me about her. We’re all guys here.”

Taylor answered, “Ummm well, I’m not really a big secret sharer. I like my secrets, that’s why they stay secret.”

“What about you, Zac.” Sage said turning towards the younger boy. He could tell that Zac was sort of protecting Taylor from something. Sage wanted to find out from what. “You want to tell me about Taylor’s lucky love?”

“Sage, do you really want me to answer that, or just glare at you?”

“Ok, ok. Sorry. Just wanted to hear about the lucky girl who got you, Taylor. You must be able to take your pick.” Sage walked over to the table and picked up his sandwich. We walked back towards Taylor holding it in front of him and said, “Here, want a bite.”

Sage lifted the sandwich to Taylor’s mouth. Tay couldn’t take his eyes off this boy. He opened his mouth and let Sage feed him a tiny bit of the sandwich.

“Mmmm,” Taylor said, swallowing the bite. “What is it?”

“Meatball hoagie from Molinaros. Best in the city. Maybe I could take you there, as long as you’re in town.”

Zac walked between the two boys. “Nah, I think Taylor’s kinda tired. We did the Letterman show last night, and we have the other ‘Assembly Required’ shows to do tomorrow and Thursday. So, tonight we were just going to veg out and order a movie from the hotel room. Right Tay? I think Ike has the list of movies on pay-per-view. Be right back.”

Zac ran off to get the list from Ike. He didn’t want to leave Taylor alone with this snake for very long. Sage gave Taylor one last smoldering look before he heard the MC announcing him onstage. It was Sage’s turn to talk to the students now.

“Well, that’s my cue,” Sage said as he walked towards the stage, “I’ll see you at tomorrow's show, Taylor. You know, we still have two more schools on this tour. Maybe you’ll be up for doing something later?”

Zac came running back and said, “Oh good, that loser’s gone, huh? What’s with that guy anyway? Asking you about all that personal stuff.”

Taylor was almost too busy watching Sage talk to the crowd out on the stage to notice. He took the list of movie choices that Zac handed him. Taylor looked down, reading the list of five movies.

“Looks like you have some choices to make, huh Tay?”

“What?” Zac said, half listening. He was too engrossed in yet another pay-per-view movie on the hotel television. It was B action movie Zac had picked out with plenty of explosions and car crashes. Taylor wasn’t particularly interested in it.

“I said, ‘do you think I’m yesterday’s news?’ You know. Tired, stale. Zac, it’s been awhile since we’ve come out with a new album. Our new single ‘Lonely Boy’ is doing ok but it’s no ‘Mmmbop.’ I’m just wondering. Do you think maybe that’s why..... ummm some people have stopped being excited about me?”

“You’re talking about Jaxsper right? Come on, Tay. Just say it. You’re wondering why Jaxsper has stopped calling you. It’s not our fame you’re thinking about. We’re doing ok with it. I mean, come on, we don’t have a new CD out but we’re going to soon. This ‘Some Assembly Required’ tour is kinda lame but we still pack them in. Besides, you and I both know that you never really enjoyed all the rabid fans pawing at you anyway. You’re really wondering why Jaxsper hasn’t called.”

“Yeah, I guess. I know that we’ve been kinda busy. Still, he used to call every day. It’s been too long since I’ve heard from him. Sage says.......”

Zac unglued his eyes from the television and interrupted Taylor, “Excuse me? That was, ‘Sage says..?’ Taylor, why do you talk to that guy? He’s a total jerk. Sage is so full of himself!”

Taylor answered, “What is it with you? I talked to Sage earlier on the phone when you were down by the pool. Why are you so mean around him? What’s so bad about Sage?”

“A better question is what’s so good about him? Taylor, you know he was so coming onto you earlier, and he has this way about him. He’s so smug.”

“Zac, he’s a guy. Just because I like boys doesn’t mean that everyone does. Look at you and Toby. You’re friends right? I doubt Sage likes me in... you know... that way. Don’t jump to conclusions.”

“Please, Taylor. I didn’t jump to conclusions. I just took a teeny tiny step and the conclusions were right there. Stay away from that guy, Tay. He’s bad news.

Zac turned back to the television and turned up the sound. The car crash sound effects rattled the room.

Taylor started to get mad. He didn’t feel as if he had many people to talk to about the whole ‘liking guys’ thing. Ike had a sort of quiet acceptance of it, but didn’t like discussing it. Taylor’s father knew but it was difficult for Tay to talk to his dad about love and stuff. Zac was the only one who Taylor could turn to, and yet Zac just didn’t seem to understand Sage at all. There was something about Sage that Taylor liked. His confidence, his poise, the way Sage took control of Taylor and the situations. Taylor could just sit back and not have to worry about anything, since Sage was the one in control. “Zac wouldn’t understand anyway,” Taylor thought, “He’s just a kid”

“I think Sage is cool, Zac” Taylor said. “Besides, it’s none of your business.”

Zac looked up from the television. Now he was getting mad. He said, “Taylor, it is so my business. I got you and Jaxsper back together. I have a personal stake in this too. I think he’s great for you and I know how much he loves you. You’re my brother, man. It’s my business. Have you even tried calling Jax?”

Taylor said that he would. He left to use the phone in his part of the hotel suite, leaving Zac alone with his movie.

____________________________

The phone rang at Jaxsper’s house, just as his mother was getting out of the car. She ran towards the house, unlocking the front door and calling her son’s name. He didn’t answer. She dropped her overnight bag and answered the phone.

“Umm, Hi. You must be Mrs. Blankenfinch. This is Taylor Hanson. Is Jaxsper there?”

“I don’t think so.” Jaxsper’s mother said. “I just got home though. I was away for a couple of days but it doesn’t look like he’s here. Wait, did you say Taylor Hanson? Oh, how nice of you to call. I told Jaxsper that you were going to be on television the other night. It’s nice for him to have such a famous friend.”

Taylor became excited. Maybe Jaxsper had heard the message Taylor sent out to him 1when they played on David Letterman. “Did he watch the show, Mrs. Blankenfinch?”

“I don’t think so, dear. I wanted him to watch, but he said something about how he couldn’t stand to see it. I’ll tell him you called though. I’m sure he will want to talk to you.”

____________________________

Taylor hung up the phone. Why didn’t Jaxsper want to see him anymore? Taylor started back into the other room to ask Zac, but the sounds of the TV gunfire told him that Zac wouldn’t be in a listening mood. I got his jacket and headed towards the hotel lobby.

The doors opened to the elevator. Taylor saw Sage inside.

“Hey. What a surprise catching you here. I know we have the same hotel but I never see you out,” Sage said. “I thought you were staying in tonight. Didn’t your little brother say something about watching TV?”

“Yeah,” Taylor answered as he stepped into the elevator car, “but it was some lame movie?”

“Guns Over Brooklyn right? I was just watching it.” Sage said. “What a coincidence. Out of all the movies, you and I were watching the same one.”

Sage moved closer to Taylor in the elevator. Unlike most people, Sage didn’t look at the doors or stick to the corner of the elevator. He faced Taylor dead on. His eyes fixed on Tay. It made Taylor both excited and self conscious.

“I suppose it’s a coincidence, but I walked out. Zac seemed to like it but I didn’t”

“Oh, I didn’t like it either. That’s why I’m here. I thought it was like a warmed over version of ‘Bambi’ without the political subtext.”

Taylor laughed and nervously brushed his hair behind his ear. He said, “Well, I don’t know about all that. I just thought it was too loud.”

“I know just what you mean. Give me a romantic love movie and a nice tub of ice cream any day. You and I have similar tastes, Taylor,” Sage said. “Speaking of tastes, what kind of ice cream do you like?”

“Well, I guess chocolate-cherry. Last summer, a friend of mine introduced me to it. It’s really cool, plus it brings back good memories for me.”

“Sweet,” Sage said in an almost condescending manner, “but have you ever thought about what it would be like to only be able to eat chocolate-cherry for the rest of your life? Now me, I like to mix it up. One day it’s Rocky Road, the next it’s Butterscotch or English Toffee. Maybe today’s it’s Malibu Creame. It’s nice and sweet.”

Sage moved even closer to Taylor and pulled the hair back from behind Tay’s ear. He told Taylor that he shouldn’t wear his hair like that, it made his ears stick out.

“What would you say if I asked you to go out and get some Malibu Creame with me, Taylor?” Sage said.

“Are you asking me out?” Taylor said.

“I didn’t say that,” Sage said raising and eyebrow. “I just said, ‘what if’ So, what’s the answer? I’m heading out right now. Come with me. Then I can see if you’re going to stick with your same old cherry-chocolate or if you would like to taste a sample of my Malibu Creame.”

The doors to the elevator opened to the lobby. Taylor walked out. He went over to the hotel phone and called Zac’s room.

“Hi, Zac. Tell Mom and Dad that I’ll be back soon,” Taylor said into the phone. “I’m just going out to get some ice cream.”

He half wished he could show the story to Jaxsper, but he dismissed it. That would completely freak Jax out. He was just grateful that Jax trusted him enough to travel to New York with him. Anyway, it was just a story. It’s not like Quick really wanted to torture or hurt someone. He just thought it sounded kind of exciting, not just for him but for his willing “victim.” He could never bring himself to really hurting someone in real life. Those kind of people were sick.

___________________________

Taylor left Sage’s room. Sage didn’t exactly seem like the cuddle type anyway. After he was finished screwing Tay, he said something to him like, “Well, I hope I can see you tomorrow.” Then rolled over in the bed. Tay took that as his signal to go.

He leaned against the wall and looked back at Sage's room. It wasn't a rape. Taylor knew what he wanted when he went back to Sage's room. He knew exactly what was going to happen. Sage told him back at the club. If he wanted to, he could have really made Sage stop. Taylor just hoped that if he went along with Sage, then maybe he would experience something he might enjoy. Be more like Sage and not care about feelings or consequences. Just be in it for the quick ride.

Sage was different than Jaxsper. Taylor thought that was what he needed now. Sage was in it only for his own pleasure. Jaxsper took his time, and really loved Taylor. He cared about how Taylor felt, and wouldn't be so rough. Sage wasn't like that. He was fast and furious. Taylor knew that Sage didn't care about him.

Taylor wondered why he did that. Why did he let himself go off with Sage? What was wrong with him? Why did he so desperately need to feel love from someone that he would put himself into that position. It was so unlike him.

He decided that it was like a drug. Not the alcohol that he drank with Sage, a different kind of drug.

Taylor had come to think of the love he had, and felt returned from Jaxsper, as a drug. It was something that he craved constantly, something that he ached for. The love was something he obsessed on; it was something that made all the complicated things in his life become simplified; something that he wanted more and more with each small taste. Maybe his love for Jax was more like a vitamin, one that invigorated and sustained him. Something that filled him up with an energy that he could feel running through every cell in his body. Either way, he knew that he wanted to feel that love again. He wanted so badly to have Jaxsper in his life so that he could love him, and maybe feel that love returned. He wouldn’t find that feeling with Sage. Taylor knew that much.

Taylor limped off to the elevator. His ass was sore from his time with Sage. His heart aching from the void inside.