My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my
sister's bureau and lifted out a
tissue-wrapped package."This," he said, "is not a slip.
This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and
handed me the slip. It was exquisite: silk, handmade
and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag
with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.
"Jan bought this the first time we went to New York,
at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was
saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess
this is the occasion."
He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with
the other clothes we were taking to the morticians.
His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment,
the he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't
ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day
you're alive is a special occasion."
I remember those words through the funeral and the
days that followed when I helped him and my niece
attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected
death. I thought about them on the plane returning to
California from the Midwestern town where my sister's
family lives. I thought about all the things she had
not seen or done. I thought about all the things she
had done without realizing they were special.
I am still thinking about his words, and they have
changed my life. I am now reading more and dusting
less. I am sitting on the deck and admiring the view
without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I am
spending more time with my friends and family and less
time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life
should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure.
I am trying to recognize these moments now and
cherish them.
I am not "saving" anything: we use our good china
and crystal for every special event-such as losing a
pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia
blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel
like it.
My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out
$28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing.
I am not saving my good perfume for special parties:
clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have
noses that function as well as my party going friends'.
The phrases "Someday" and "One of these days" are
losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it is worth
seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see hear and do
it now. I am not sure what my sister would have done
had she known that she would not be here for the
tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would
have called family members and a few close friends.
She might have called a few former friends to
apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like
to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner,
her favorite food. I am guessing I will never know.
It's those things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry for putting off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with someday. Angry because I had not written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I did not tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them. I am trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.
And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.
The Rose Pathway
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