Instructions for Microsoft's New TV Dinner
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree
to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You
may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would
constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may,
however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are
encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven:
Insert the dinner into the
oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven:
Insert the dinner and
press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave oven:
Insert the dinner, enter
the ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the
weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and
press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and
cook the dinner exactly to your specification.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case
your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure.
Remove the dinner from the oven and enter:
ms.nodarn.good/tryagain\again/again.darnit
This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the
microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work,
contact your oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the
brink.
Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big,
larger than the dinner itself, having many useless
compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future
menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven, you
will need to upgrade your equipment.
Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only
the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another
variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you
really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all
you really need.
Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller
versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only
be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for
future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved
packaging.
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98.
However, that version has yet to be released. Users have
permission to get thrilled in advance.
Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in
the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a
feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been
defrosted anyway.
Thank you for purchasing Microsoft Products.
Email: aaronsteinmetz@yahoo.com
