Moe's Phone Gags
As any avid fan of The Simpsons knows, Bart likes to call up Moe with crank calls. On this page I have listed most (I think all) of the fake names that Bart has used and some of the more shall we call them "Colorful" responses by Moe. Enjoy this page and whatever you do don't call Moe's anytime soon!
Some Enchanted Evening
Bart with Lisa and Maggie
Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic here?
Wait a minute...
Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find
out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!
Bart and Lisa laugh
(Some Enchanted Evening)
Bart with Lisa and Maggie
Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
Marge picks up the extension and hears:
Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear
I'll cut your belly open!
(Homer's Odyssey)
Bart with Lisa
Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!
Wait a minute...
Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're
dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!
Bart and Lisa laugh
(Moaning Lisa)
Bart with Lisa
Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!
Oh, wait a minute...Jacques Strap
It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold
of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!
Bart laughs
(One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish)
Bart with Lisa
Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I
wanna Seymour Butz!
Oh, wait a minute...
Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my
hands on you, I'm gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!
Bart and Lisa laugh
(Principal Charming)
Bart (in Principal Skinner's office)
Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has
gotta be Homer Sexual!
Homer says "Don't look at me!"
Oh, no...
You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll
sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner, on the other end of the line, says "You'll do what,
young man?"
(Blood Feud)
Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to
catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with
an ice pick!
Bart and Lisa laugh
(Treehouse of Horror II)
Bart with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the Sherri/Terri twins
Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and
big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
Oh, wait a minute...
Bart laughs; Mrs. Krabappel sees him and then laughs as well
(Flaming Moe's)
Bart
Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
There is a Hugh Jass at Moe's; he takes the call
(Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk)
Bart
Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea
O'Problem here?
Barney says "You sure do!"
Oh...it's you, isn't it?
Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your
head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!
Bart laughs
(New Kid on the Block)
Bart
Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss!
Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney says "Maybe your standards are too high!"
You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm
going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving
dogs in your butt!
Bart tells Moe his name is Jimbo Jones and gives his own
address: Jimbo and Laura Powers are making out in Bart's
living room
(New Kid on the Block)
Laura Powers with Bart
Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right, everybody, put down
your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!
Laura and Bart laugh
(The PTA Disbands)
This isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher for
Mrs. Krabappel's class during the strike
OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here".
Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
The students in the classroom laugh
All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
More laughs
All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
Still more laughs
Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get
it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well,
children, I can't help that!
Moe runs out of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe's name
off of a list of what are now former substitute teachers
(Homer the Smithers)
Mr. Burns says "I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland"
Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it?
Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick
'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay?
Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
(Bart on the Road)
(Homer) Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
(Moe) Eura Snotball?
(Homer) What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag
to your butt and mail you to Iran!
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