Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here in silence
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fills your heart with love

Todd was running around the penthouse frantically. He was searching high and low for a Christmas present he had hid from Starr. "Where the heck did I put it?" He groaned out loud as he flopped into the sofa. He had bought this specific gift for Starr months ago. He knew she would be ecstatic when she realized her daddy could get her the original outfit little Cindy Lou Who wore in the movie, and "Santa" couldn't deliver. He knew it would get Blair's goat, but he didn't care, after she ran off with Starr and everything else she had done to him lately she deserved it all.

He had to find it and quick. He had a therapy session with the new shrink in a little over an hour. He wasn't sure how he felt talking to another shrink after Rae recommended him. He was new to Llanview, a loner in a way. He kept mostly to himself. As soon as Rae had suggested him, Todd had him checked out. After researching him Todd believed that Dr. Kevin Collins was just as nutty as he was, but Rae figured he could deal with her most difficult patient so Todd figured he would give him a chance. The ringing phone brought him out of his thoughts. "WHAT!" He barked into the receiver.

"Daddy, don't yell you're starting to sound like mommy and that red haired lady."

"Sorry Shorty, What's up?"

"Nothing, I was just calling to make sure you were still coming for me tomorrow for Christmas." He could hear the anxiety in her young voice. It pained him greatly to know that he caused her such agony.

"Of course I am Shorty. Why wouldn't I? Never mind. How is Aunt Viki?"

"She's good. She and Uncle Ben and I are making cookies. Jessie and Will are coming over in a little bit. We're having' Christmas here tonight. It's gonna be so cool Daddy."

"Well, have fun Shorty. I'll let you get back to baking with Blondie and Dagwood. I'll pick you up at noon tomorrow okay?"

"Awesome!! I love you Daddy. Merry Christmas."

"Same to you Shorty." Todd waited on the line till he heard Starr's end of the phone click. He hung up the phone and turned back toward the couch when suddenly he remembered where he had stashed that present.

He was rummaging through his closet throwing out everything as he searched. Then he came to a small box in the bottom corner. "What's this? I don't remember putting that there." He grabbed it and tore the lid off. Then his eyes focused on the contents of the box. Tears immediately began to form in his eyes as his body slid down the closet wall. He grabbed the Santa hats and held hers to his chest. It still smelled like her. He was immediately transported back to The Bayberry Inn. He could hear her laughter, see that sparkle in her gorgeous brown eyes, and that beautiful smile. He sat like that for the next hour. He knew he had to let go, at least for now. Collins was waiting for him. He placed the hat back into the box and put the box back onto the top shelf. Then grabbed his coat and headed out the door.

Dr. Kevin Collins was still getting used to Llanview. He didn't think it to be anything like Port Charles, and that is one of the main reasons he choose to relocate there. A change of pace, and a quiet place to reflect and try to get on with his life after Eve's death. He had been putzing around his office all morning. He had only one appointment today, and from the looks of the file on Todd Manning it was going to be a VERY interesting session. He had done a lot of research on Todd's case since his friend Rae Cummings had called and asked him to take over. He wanted to know everything he could possibly know about Todd. He found Todd to be a very complex man. One with a fear of being human, was what Rae had said about him. Like himself Todd had been given some hard knocks by life and Todd chose to express his emotions in outbreaks of anger. Kevin could relate to that on some level, though Ryan had been the angry one. Kevin wanted to help Todd get his life back together, and restore some hope into his own.

Todd hesitated outside Kevin's door for a few minutes before entering. He dreaded the days of therapy, but he knew deep in his soul they were helping. He was less angry, more understanding, even a little more patient as of late. That was the problem. Therapy had come to him a little to late, he had already lost her.

"Hi, Todd."

"UH yeah hi Doc."

"Uh Todd, I thought we had decided you would call me Kevin. Make this a little more personal. It make that process easier."

"Easier for you maybe." Todd mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing. Let's get this started already."

"Sounds good have a seat. I spoke to Rae earlier this morning. She was wondering how you were."

"So what'd you tell her?" Todd asked with furrowed brows.

"I told her you were doing fine, that you were making progress."

"Oh."

“So I think we left off with the unfortunate flight your first ex-wife sent your second ex-wife on. It was a two story flight right?"

"Something like that." Todd groaned. It was torture for him to talk about Téa, but he knew it was part of the process, at least that was what Rae and Kevin had been telling him.

Before Todd knew it his two-hour session with Kevin was up. He had done a lot of yelling and throwing and crying during his session today. He was drained when the session was over. They always drained him. He had talked about the window incident, his custody hearing, his feeling for her at that point, all the way up to their trip to the Bayberry. The memories were bittersweet for Todd. He loved remembering everything about her and the way she made him feel, but he absolutely hated the memories of him pushing her away and denying how he really felt about her. He had treated them both so unfairly.

Todd grabbed a six-pack and headed for his bedroom. He grabbed the hats from the shelf and curled up on the bed. He popped the cap off a beer and slowly gulped the liquid. He just wanted to be numb and remember her, to see her as her remembered her, to just feel her and nothing else. Some Christmas this was turning out to be. Nothing but heartache for him. "Where are you Téa? Where are you Christmas?"