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HEARTSICK
     
Todd had a bad case of cabin fever. He was surrounded by luxury and had every comfort Viki could provide, but he was incredibly frustrated by the slow recovery process of his body. All the doctors kept telling him he was lucky to be alive. He should rest and let nature take its course. But patience had never been Todd’s long suit. When Larry Wolek had refused to release him from the hospital, he had tried to walk out and ended up unconscious in the stairwell. After a few more days of vigilance by the hospital staff with Todd threatening to bolt at least once an hour, Viki had finally convinced Larry to let her brother finish recovering at Llanfair under her care.
Todd hadn’t been all that thrilled with the new arrangement either, but it did cheer him up to see how much it annoyed Ben and Kevin when Viki fussed over him. It also solved the awkward problem of what to do about Blair. He had brought her to live in his penthouse with Starr, but there was no way he wanted to be under the same roof with her now. Blair had been by to see Todd a few times, and had seemed very confused by the coldness and disinterest he showed to her. He would tell her eventually that he wanted her out of his home and his life, but it would have to wait until he was strong enough to fight her if she decided to bolt with his kid. But meanwhile, he was forced to lay in bed day after day, agonizing over the weakness of his body when he all he wanted to do was run out and find Téa.
After resting a minute against the doorjamb, Todd started shuffling along the hallway. It was Christmas Eve and he was alone in the mansion except for a couple of servants. Viki and Ben had gone out to do some last minute shopping, so it was a perfect opportunity for him to make a break without anyone clucking at him to get back in bed. Christmas…Delgado had said she’d be back by Christmas, and he’d be damned if she’d find him flat on his back again. He was going to get up and start living life again, even if it killed him.
He was breathing hard and in considerable pain by the time he reached the back stairs, but after resting again, he decided to attempt them. He managed to make it down the stairs and into the kitchen without feeling woozy. Although it was just the familiar kitchen of Llanfair, he couldn’t help feeling triumphant that he had managed to escape from his sickbed. Just being out of forced confinement gave him a sense of euphoria. There was a large plate of decorated Christmas cookies sitting on the counter, and for the first time in weeks, Todd actually had an appetite. Opening the refrigerator, he grabbed a carton of milk and plunked himself down on a stool in front of the cookies. He began by biting the head off a gingerbread man and washing it down with milk he drank directly from the carton. He ate several more cookies in the same manner. Feeling rested and refreshed, he began to plan his next move. It might be fun to sneak into the library and take Kevin’s presents from under the Christmas tree. He could carefully open them up and replace the contents with something disgusting…like rotting banana peels, he thought as he skinned a sample of the fruit. He was chuckling to himself when the back door opened. He stiffened. Busted.
“Todd! It’s great to see you up and about, Pal.” Sam Rappaport set a pile of packages on the table and headed over to gently clasp Todd on the shoulder. “But should you be out of bed already? You’re still very weak.” Sam’s brother Ben followed him in and looked at Todd with a disapproving glare.
“I’m fine, Coach,” said Todd, pulling away from his friend with annoyance. “But I’m getting sick and tired of you and Viki ordering me around. If I have to spend one more minute stuck up there in that hideous room ‘recovering’…well, let’s just say I won’t be my usual charming self.”
Ben snorted in disgust, grabbing a pile of Christmas presents and leaving the room without another word. Sam took a glass from the cupboard and sat down next to Todd. He poured some milk and helped himself to a cookie. “Look, I’m just concerned about you, Boomer,” he said thoughtfully. “But if you’re feeling up to it, I have a few things I need to discuss with you—legal things. The police commissioner isn’t too happy with you right now.”
Todd grimaced, his eyes hardening. “I suppose it’s my fault that he and his clown cops are incompetent,” he said angrily.
“He thinks you’re lying to him, Todd. The doctor said you were shot at almost point blank range. How could you not see who did it?”
“Duh! The docks….midnight….has the great commissioner ever heard of a little thing called darkness? I’m not a cat, I can’t see in the dark!” Sam studied his protégé carefully, looking skeptical.
“Look, pal. I don’t know who you’re trying to protect, but if you know who did this to you….”
“I told you I don’t know!” shouted Todd, getting agitated. “Why would I lie about something like that? Tell the commissioner he can take his suspicions about me and stick them up his…”
“All right, Todd….all right,” said Sam, holding up his hand for peace. He was worried that it wasn’t good for Todd to get so upset. “I’ll tell Bo that you’re sticking by your story.” Sam stared at him for a long time. Todd fought against the urge to squirm under his scrutiny and met his gaze calmly. Oh yes…RJ would pay for what he had done, but Todd had plans to take care of that himself. There was no way he was going to let Bo Buchanan have all the fun. He hadn’t decided yet how he was going to seek revenge, but a little blackmail beforehand never hurt. “OK, then,” said Sam, looking away. “There’s something else.”
“Shoot,” said Todd, laughing heartily at Sam’s startled reaction to the word. “I mean, go on and tell me, Coach,” he clarified as his chuckles subsided. “You and Viki have no sense of humor, you know that?”
“This is no laughing matter,” said Sam solemnly. “You could be in a lot of trouble over this.”
“So? When am I not in trouble? What is it now?”
“The cops ran tests on the gun they found next to you on the docks that night. The ballistics match the bullet that almost killed RJ last winter….remember? In the parking garage? You’re still facing charges in that shooting, and this gun match might be all the evidence they need to put you away.”
“So the low-life that shot me planted a gun to make me look guilty. C’mon, Sam! Do I have to think up this stuff for you? You’re the high and mighty lawyer.”
“Why would someone that wanted you dead try to frame you, Todd? He must have thought he’d killed you…what would be the point?”
Todd shrugged. “Maybe to throw the cops off his trail. If they thought I did it, they’d stop looking for the real shooter.” Again Sam looked less than convinced.
“Lawyer-client privilege here, Pal. Just tell me….that was your gun, right? You were going to shoot RJ that night, but he got you first. Isn’t that what happened?”
Todd broke out in laughter again. “You’ve been watching too many movies…you’re tripping, Coach. I can’t have a gun, remember? I’m a convicted felon and it would be illegal for me to be in possession of a weapon.” He put on his best innocent face.
“Bo isn’t going to let this drop,” Sam began, but Viki returned from her shopping trip at that moment. She was startled to see Todd sitting in the kitchen.
Dropping her grocery bags abruptly, she rushed to his side. “What are you doing down here? Oh my goodness, you didn’t try the stairs by yourself, did you?” Todd pulled away from her when she tried to feel his forehead.
“Will you cut it out, Viki! I’m not some kid. You don’t need to fuss over me. I’m a big boy and I’ll decide when I’m ready to give up on this invalid stuff. Trust me, I’ve had enough!” Viki backed off, but she couldn’t control the worried look that remained on her face.
“I just don’t want a repeat of what happened at the hospital when you fainted…”
“That was weeks ago. I’m better,” Todd snapped. Inwardly he winced at the pain in his chest.
Viki hesitated a moment more, then busied herself unpacking the grocery bags. She glanced at the crumbs in front of her brother. “I brought you some soup from the deli. Will you let me heat it up for you, or are you going to make a meal of gingerbread cookies?”
Todd grunted but didn’t argue, so Viki emptied the to-go container into a bowl and put it in the microwave to heat. She took a seat on the other side of her brother.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better, Todd, because there is something I want to discuss with you.” She glanced across at Sam and they exchanged a knowing look. “Actually, we’d both like to discuss it.” Todd looked back and forth between them. He was starting to seriously regret dragging himself out of bed.
“This isn’t about the shooting again, is it? Because I already told Sam that I don’t know who…”
“It’s not about that, Todd,” said Viki interrupting him. She took a deep breath. “It’s about Téa.” Todd stared at her in silence, his eyes wide. The only sound in the room was the humming of the microwave. Viki found it hard to go on when faced with the raw emotion on her brother’s face. His expression was a mixture of pain, hope and abject need.
“What about Delgado?” Todd managed to ask after a long while. His voice quivered a bit in spite of his efforts to appear nonchalant. “Did you find her? Is she here?” He looked over his shoulder to the door.
Viki leaned forward, blinking back tears. “Todd, Téa is dead. You know that. You have to stop doing this to yourself.”
Todd turned around, his face crumpling with anger. He started and clutched his chest at the pain the sudden movement caused in his wound. “Delgado is not dead! How many times do I have to tell you that! I saw her with my own eyes—twice!” Viki and Sam exchanged another glance and Todd caught it. “You don’t believe me. You think I’m crazy!” he said in horror.
“We don’t think you’re crazy, Boomer,” cut in Sam. “But you were shot…you lost a lot of blood…you were in coma for three weeks. Of course things are kind of fuzzy.”
“The private investigator I hired at your insistence has turned up nothing, Todd. There is no sign that Téa survived that accident.” Viki cringed at Todd’s withering look of disdain.
“Listen to me, both of you,” he said through a clinched jaw. “I know what I saw. Téa was here, in Llanview. She wasn’t a ghost. She wasn’t a figment of my imagination. I don’t care what you or any quack PI has to say. Delgado is alive.”
“I know you’re convinced of that, Todd, and that’s why I want to talk to you. Now that your body is healing, you need to think about your spirit, your heart. Losing Téa was a terrible blow. Of course it isn’t something that you can get over easily.” Taking a deep breath, Viki glanced at Sam for support. “You need to see someone, Todd.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Someone trained in grief therapy. A doctor, Todd.”
“A shrink? You’re back on that again? You don’t give up, do you Viki?” said Todd bitterly, lurching unsteadily to his feet. “I don’t need ‘grief therapy’ because Delgado isn’t dead. Why can’t you believe that!”
“I talked to Rae Cummings and she’s willing to…”
“No! I don’t want that witch anywhere near me. I’ve had it with you two hypocrites. You say you want me to get better, but your idea of help sucks!” He turned on his heel and took a few steps toward the door. Both Viki and Sam jumped up, horrified. But as Todd reached the door, he looked down at his bare feet and bathrobe then out to the freezing winter weather. Snorting in disgust, he careened toward the stairs.
“Let me help you, Boomer!” shouted Sam, running across the room.
“No! Leave me alone!” Todd clutched the handrail and started dragging himself up the stairs. Sam and Viki watched in concern as he made it to the landing and turned the corner. They listened as his heavy footsteps continued upward, exchanging dismayed looks as they heard breaking glass. Sam bounded up the stairs, followed by Viki. In the upstairs hall, they found Todd draped over a table as he struggled to regain his feet. He had knocked several knick-knacks to the floor.
“Boomer,” said Sam sadly, reaching out to help him. Todd reluctantly allowed Sam to help him up. He swayed unsteadily and Sam had to support him the rest of the way to his bedroom. They got him into bed and Viki fussed around smoothing the covers and checking the dressing on his wound. All the while, Todd glared at them, but he didn’t have the strength to even voice a complaint. As he seethed with frustration, his eyelids began to droop as the exertion of the last hour caught up with him.
“You rest now,” said Viki soothingly as she turned off the light. “Starr is coming over later and if you’re up to it, you can come downstairs and watch her open her presents. But now you need to regain your strength.” Viki and Sam left the room.
Out in the hall, Viki gave in to tears. Sam patted her shoulder in comfort as they made their way back to the kitchen. “Oh Sam. He’s so delusional. Téa’s death has broken him,” sobbed Viki softly. Sam brushed at his own eyes.
“He’s strong, Viki, and he’s been through a lot in his life. He’ll heal. We just have to give him some time.”
“I hope you’re right, Sam,” said Viki softly as they returned to the kitchen. “We need a Christmas miracle.”
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There was nothing illuminating the library at Llanfair but the fire and the Christmas tree lights. Propped up an easy chair, Todd glanced at the mantle clock. 11:43pm. Only a minute had gone by since the last time he checked. He thought that the thing must be broken because it seemed to be moving extraordinarily slow.
He was all alone now, after the hoopla of Christmas Eve. It had been hell enduring the combined Rappa-Davison-Buchanan family celebration with all their hangers-on, but he had done it for Starr. She had been the only child in the group and had reveled in being the center of attention and being lavished with gifts from almost everyone there. Todd had made it through by focusing on his daughter and pretty much ignoring the rest of his relatives, including his interfering older sister. He still couldn’t believe the scene that afternoon. Viki and Sam actually thought he was hallucinating, or that he’d gone completely crazy. So no one else had seen Delgado in the hospital or on the docks? He had seen her and that was all he needed to believe.
After Blair had picked up Starr, Todd had returned to his room. He needed to recover his strength for what was ahead. When everyone else had gone to bed, he had dressed warmly and hauled himself back downstairs.
When he had come out of the coma in the hospital and found Téa crying over him, he had wanted to hang on and never let go. He had always had a gut feeling that she hadn’t died in the car crash, and to wake up and see her—well, it was probably the most incredible surprise of his life. But Téa had pulled away and said she couldn’t stay. Todd had become agitated trying to stop her from leaving, and finally she had promised to come back at Christmas with some answers for him. It hadn’t satisfied him in the least, but at the time he was too weak to get up and go after her. He had no choice but to stay at the hospital and Viki’s and get better. But it was finally Christmas Eve and time for Téa to keep her promise. She had appeared both of the previous times right at midnight, and Todd’s instincts told him she would choose that time again. So, he had dragged himself downstairs at Llanfair for the third time that day.
He had a million questions for her, not the least of which was why she had allowed him to believe she had died, but he had had a month to think things over and realized that he couldn’t start out with accusations. He wanted her back too much to risk driving her away with another display of his temper. Whatever her reasons, he’d accept them, so long as Téa agreed to give their rocky relationship another try.
Finally, the mantle clock struck the hour of midnight. Although he was trying to play it cool, Todd couldn’t help turning his head and looking to the terrace door. He could see nothing except the little piles of accumulating snow on each pane in the window. Well, Delgado must have gotten held up in the bad weather, he thought as he turned back to the fire. But by the time the clock had ticked off another quarter hour, his patience was at an end. Biting down hard against the pain in his chest, he pulled himself up from the chair and moved over directly in front of the French door.
It was snowing, but not hard, and the moon cast a soft glow over all the whiteness in spite of the cloud cover. Todd peered into the gloom, squinting his eyes to focus better, but he could see nothing. He stood there as long as he could, but when another ten minutes had gone by and there was no sign of Téa, he was forced to admit that he was too tired to keep vigil any longer. He was all but crushed with disappointment and rage, and for a moment he even doubted himself, wondering if Sam and Viki were right and he belonged in a loony bin. He flung away from the window and took two quick paces toward the foyer. But suddenly he stopped in his tracks, his heart quickening its pace. After a long moment and a deep breath, he turned around and retraced his steps. Rubbing at the frost on a pane, he pressed his face tightly against the cold glass.
Yes! There! It was an indefinite shape under a bare tree that hadn’t been there a minute ago. Todd peered at it for a long while, but he couldn’t detect any movement or other indication of life. “Delgado?” he whispered softly, not daring to believe. Finally he couldn’t stand it anymore and he fumbled at the door handle. A blast of icy air hit him hard as the door swung open and he gasped against the cold and the pain it caused in his chest. He grabbed a heavy throw from a nearby chair and gamely stepped out onto the terrace, wrapping it around his shoulders.
The form under the tree hadn’t moved. Todd took careful steps toward it, thankful that the snow was only a couple of inches deep. He hadn’t stopped to get a flashlight and the darkness seemed to deepen as he gained the edge of the lawn and started into the wood. Finally he was only a few feet from the person or thing he had seen from the house. It was hard to see in the dark and the snow, and the unbroken stillness of the shadowy figure was starting to creep him out.
“Delgado?” he asked softly. He stepped back quickly and almost fell as the shadow whipped around with lightning speed. With his back against a tree, he could finally make out a pale face in the midst of the darkness. It was someone wearing a very large black hooded cape. Taking a deep breath, Todd moved forward again.
“Todd.” It was her voice! Todd almost melted with relief and joy.
“I’ve been waiting forever,” was all he could think of to say.
“I’m sorry. I…I wasn’t sure if I should come. I…I’ve been trying to work up some courage.”
“You’re scared of me now?” he asked, hurt by her remark.
“No,” she answered quickly. “Not of you, Todd. It’s…it’s…I don’t want to hurt you.”
Todd shuddered involuntarily. This wasn’t starting well. “Come in the house, Delgado. Everyone’s in bed and you can keep up your ghost routine. They all think I’m crazy because I told them you’re alive, you know,” he said, turning toward the terrace. He had gone about ten feet before he realized she wasn’t following him. He turned around to find her planted in the original spot. “Delgado?” he asked in confusion.
“I’m sorry they don’t believe you, Todd, but I’m happy they think I’m dead. It’s the way I want it.” She spoke so softly he had difficulty hearing her over the quietly falling snow. With a heavy sigh of frustration, Todd retraced his steps. “Todd,” began Téa, but he held up a hand to silence her.
“No, let me say this, OK? Look, Téa, I know you’re pissed about that fight we had.” He swallowed hard, trying his best to keep his cool. “And I’m not saying you’re wrong. I…I was a jerk. But don’t run out on me—I need you.” He took a couple of deep breaths and reached up under his blanket to hold his chest wound. The cold winter air was really starting to cause him pain. “I almost bought it this time and…and you saved me. I know you’re the one that pulled me back when I was about to give up and die. That’s gotta count for something, Téa.”
“Todd, you have a lot of people besides me that care about you. Starr, Viki, Sam… We’ve made three tries and we just can’t seem to sustain a relationship. You know what they say, three strikes and you’re out.”
“Don’t say that, Téa. I’m…I’m different now, and I can’t live without you.”
“That’s a lie.” The silence hung heavy between them. The falling snow sounded like a jackhammer. “You have lived without me, Todd,” she finally said. “You left and didn’t contact me for over fifteen months. When you came back to get me, I gave up my whole life for you, but it still wasn’t enough. You promised to try, but you didn’t.”
“I gave you what you wanted, Téa,” he said through a clenched jaw.
“You made love to me, yes. Once. But you didn’t give me what I wanted, Todd. After that night, you clammed up…you wouldn’t even touch me, and you rarely even spoke or told me your thoughts and desires. That night….when you pushed me away…it was the final straw.” She turned away, rubbing frantically at her face.
After a long silence, Todd moved up behind her. “So, I hurt you and you had to strike back. Make it look like you were dead, and bury the poor schmuck under the guilt. Is that the game, Delgado? Because it really sucks!”
“Do you really think I’d do that to you intentionally? I almost died that night!! I was unconscious for weeks, Todd. Do you understand me? Weeks! When I finally realized who I was I went looking for you. When you weren’t at our apartment, I went to Llanview. And guess what I saw, Todd? Yeah! You were hanging all over Blair at the Crossroads!”
“I thought you were dead! Give me a break!”
“Right,” she said sarcastically. “Look, Todd, I know what I saw. You had completely forgotten me. And Starr…I know she wants you and Blair back together. Everyone thought I was dead already, so why not take advantage of it and let things play out the way they were meant to be and live the life I’ve always wanted at the same time?”
“It’s not what I want, Téa. I want you, not Blair.” A long silence developed between them. Todd’s teeth started chattering. He felt way too cold, but his chest was on fire.
“Todd, I love you….I do. I probably always will. But….how can I put this? I finally have everything I’ve been searching for all my life. And…and….there is someone else.”
Todd almost fainted right there. “Someone else? Who?” In spite of himself, he couldn’t help the anger in his voice.
“It’s not what you think,” said Téa, her voice growing hard. “But I’m happy, Todd. Can’t you understand that? All my life I wanted unconditional love, and acceptance, and…and a home, and I finally have it.”
“Who is he?” said Todd in a blistering tone.
“How typical of you to jump to the wrong conclusion,” she replied in a scathing tone.
“This is all a game to you, isn’t it?” he shouted. “Make me think the unthinkable, show up just in time to help your old boyfriend do me in, pull me back from the only peace I’ve ever known. Revenge…is that what it’s all about with you, Delgado? Because it sucks! I’m laying it all out for you here. I…I love you. I want to make a life with you. So quit the grim reaper cape and the crappy vampire movie dialog and come home! I…I need you!”
Téa sobbed aloud. “I love you, too, Todd. Remember that. But I’ve made my choice…this is goodbye. I hope you have a nice life with Starr, but it won’t include me. I’m tired of fighting it. I can’t make you happy. So now I have this chance for a good life myself, and I have to take it. Goodbye, Todd.”
“No! I won’t let you go!” he shouted. With the last ounce of his strength, he lunged for her, grabbing her upper arms through the thick material of the heavy cape. “Do you hear me, Téa? You’re not going anywhere. We belong together, whether we’re happy or not. Remember I told you we don’t get ‘happily ever after’. But I know the only chance I’ve got for any kind of peace is with you!”
Téa tried to wrench away, shocked by the power in Todd’s grip. She had underestimated the effects of his illness. “I’m sorry, Todd, but I can’t think of just myself now! We’re better off apart.”
“No! I don’t accept that!” Before she could react, Todd grasped her tightly and pressed her against his body. His mouth came down hard over her lips. The minute their lips connected, fire spread through her body, down to her very core. It was as though his kiss ignited her blood. Todd slid an arm inside her cape, caressing her back and pulling her even more closely against him. Téa reached up and ran her fingers through his hair, responding to his kiss, letting herself enjoy their singular connection for the last time.
Suddenly Todd’s eyes flew open. He stared into her eyes in disbelief. Téa tried to pull away, but it was too late. With a gasp of realization, Todd held her at arm’s length, glancing down to the space between them. “What? Oh my God!” he cried aloud. Téa took advantage of his shock to pull away. She swirled away into the increasing snow, seemingly disappearing without a trace. “No!” shouted Todd. “Téa! Come back! Delgado!” He trudged a few steps farther into the blackness, but his strength was at an end.
With a sudden wave of dizziness, he collapsed into the snow on his knees. “Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa!” he screamed with a heart-rending wail. He fell face first into the snow and lay still.
“Oh my God! Todd! Help me, Ben!” cried Viki, almost blinded with fear. “Todd, can you hear me!” she shouted at the unconscious lump in the snow, pulling the overcoat she wore over her nightgown more tightly across her chest.
But Todd couldn’t hear her. His world was nothing but blackness now.
To be concluded in my Valentine's story....
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