Friday, October 28, 2005

Todd breathes a sigh of relief, as he hears the key turning the lock to his penthouse's door. Starr walks through the doorway, and he grins at his daughter's weird monster costume, still unsure of exactly what she's supposed to be. "It's about time you got home," he tells her.

"Dad," says Starr, rolling her eyes and sounding annoyed. "I'm home on time, so quit it. You said I could stay at the party until 10 PM. Well, I left at 10, and here I am. If Katie's mom didn't drive so slowly, I would have made it home faster, so there. Blame Katie's mom, not me. And besides, the Angel Square Community Center is a very safe place these days, so lighten up, oh worrywart father of mine."

She joins her father on the couch and kicks off her shoes, rubbing her tired feet. "I can't believe how much I danced! I think I need to soak my feet and throw away these shoes. You know, I hate it when we have to celebrate a holiday early, in order to have a party on a Friday night and not a Monday night. By the way, I know you wanted me home tonight, but I still get to spend Halloween with Katie, like you promised, even though it'll be a school night, right?"

"I said you could, so quit nagging me about it, okay, Shorty?"

"Okay."

"So, you had a good time?"

"Yeah, dad. I had a great time." She looks at him for a moment, tips her head to the side and smiles at him.

"What? Are you in sugar shock or something? Why are you staring at me?"

"I'm just making a mental note of what your face looks like at this moment, because your expression is about to change."

Todd gives her a look. "And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?"

"I saw somebody tonight."

"Mm hmm. I'll bet you saw lots of people tonight. You were at a party, duh?"

"This person isn't just anybody. This person is somebody special."

"Oh, God. Here we go. What's his name? Does he have a record?"

"Dad, this person is a she, not a he, and you know who she is."

"Oh? Okay, who did you see, Shorty?"

Starr's demeanor softens, as well as her voice. "Téa."

Todd's heart leaps up into his throat. He finds it difficult to breathe, and Starr notices his face flush a little. "Are you okay, Dad?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. You saw Téa? Téa Delgado?"

"Do you know any other Téas?"

"No. So, you saw Téa?"

"Yeah, she was at the party...with her daughter."

Her daughter. Todd feels overwhelmed by the news that the love of his life has a child with another man. He is struck by strong feelings of jealousy, but he is also happy for her. That's progress. Five years of therapy is finally paying off. He'd had a nervous breakdown around Halloween of 2000 and has been in therapy ever since. Back then, he had been diagnosed as suffering from depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He was an inpatient for a couple of months, but he has stuck with therapy for years now, going to his one hour session every Wednesday at 2pm, without fail. He's still Todd Manning, only he doesn't hate who Todd Manning is anymore...most of the time, anyway.

"Dad! Earth to dad!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I was just thinking. Wow, Delgado has a little Delgado."

"Yes, she does. Oh, dad, she's just the cutest little thing. She's absolutely beautiful and adorable and sweet and smart..."

"You are talking about the kid, right?"

Starr playfully swats at her father. "Yes, dad, of course I am."

"Well, Delgado is all those things, too..."

Starr watches her father get that far away look in his eyes, the look he always gets whenever the subject of Téa Delgado comes up, which isn't often, but when it does, he always reacts in the same wistful, heartbroken way.

"Anyway, her name is Annie, and she's three years old."

"Three? Wow."

"She has big, brown eyes and a lot of energy, and she gabs non-stop...and yes, I'm talking about the kid, dad."

"Of course. I knew that." Todd jumps up off the couch and paces the living room floor. "Hey, um, Starr? How did you know it was Téa? I mean, are you sure it was Téa Delgado? You were pretty little when she left Llanview."

"Yes, dad, it was Téa. I recognized her from the pictures you keep hidden of her in your room, in your desk at The Sun, in your car..."

"I get the picture, Shorty, no pun intended."

"I remember Téa very well. She was an important part of my life when I was young."

"You're still young."

"Whatever. The point is, I know Téa when I see her, okay? In fact, I recognized her a lot more easily than she recognized me. It was her. Besides, I did more than just look at her, you know? I talked to her. She was thrilled to see me. She hugged me and called me all these cute little Spanish terms of endearment. She's way cool."

"Yeah, she is. So, uh, was she alone? I mean, other than her kid?"

"Translation: Did she have a man with her? No, dad, she didn't. It was just Téa and Annie. She and Annie's father are divorced."

"Oh."

"Translation: Alright!"

"Starr..."

"It's okay, dad. You don't have to pretend with me. I know how you still feel about Téa. That torch you carry for her that you think you hide so well...let's just say it burns brightly enough to light up Yankee Stadium on a very dark night. Everybody knows that, so I don't know why you bother to pretend. You really need to face your feelings head on and deal with them."

"Whoa! Who's the parent and who's the child here?"

"Dad, those boundaries were only clear when Téa was my step mom. I remember. Get over it."

Todd raises his eyebrows, but he doesn't argue with her. "So, uh, how is she?"

"She's fine."

Todd looks at her, expectantly, and Starr laughs. "Would you like me to elaborate, dad?"

"That would be nice," Todd says, sarcastically.

"Where should I start?"

"Well, where does she live...and why is she in Llanview?"

"Okay, she lives in Manhattan, and she's here for some Vega family function. She told me that she comes to Llanview every so often and has throughout the years."

"She has been here, here in Llanview, throughout the years?"

"Yeah, but she sticks to Angel Square and only visits the Vegas."

"Oh," he says, disappointment obvious in his voice.

"Look, I asked her why she never came to see us, and she said that she thought it was best if she stayed away. She said that she didn't want to intrude on my life and that she knew you didn't want to see her ever again."

Todd doesn't respond verbally, but Starr can tell that he is very hurt by the fact that Téa has been in Llanview many times and has never tried to see him.

"Hey, dad...come on. She was just doing what she thought was best, for all of us. Um, look, I wasn't going to tell you this, but..."

"But...what?"

"She saw you and mom, right before you had your, you know, your breakdown thing, and she thought you guys were together, so she stayed away, for my sake. She wanted my happiness more than her own, so she stayed away."

Todd puts his hands over his face, rubbing his tired eyes and then his goatee. "We weren't together."

"Yeah, but she doesn't know that."

"You didn't tell her?"

"No. I didn't see the point. She thinks she made the right decision for me, for all of us, so I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was wrong. I didn't want her to regret the choice she made, you know? She has a special place in my heart, and I just didn't want to hurt her."

"So, you let her believe that your mom and I were together?"

"Yeah. She probably thinks you are now."

"God," he sighs.

"I'm sorry. I guess I should have set her straight, but she seems happy, you know? I want her to be happy. I want everyone to be happy."

"Yeah. You did the right thing, Shorty. I want her to be happy, too."

"Yeah," she says, quietly. "Well, I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning, dad." Starr kisses her father on the cheek and runs up the stairs to her bedroom, leaving Todd alone with his mind focused on the one woman he has never been able to get over...Téa Delgado.

***

Todd spends a sleepless night, unable to stop thinking about Téa. He stands by the huge window in the living room, looking out over the sleeping city, wondering if Téa is down there, somewhere, or if she left for home earlier...wondering how many times she has been down there, somewhere, over the years, and he never knew.

He thinks back to how many times over the past five years he had felt her presence but had dismissed it as impossible. Now, he knows better. He was right. He had felt her near, and he wants to kick himself for never doing anything about it.

He fights the intense urge to get into his car and drive to Carlotta's house, to see if Téa is as near to him as she feels, because he knows that it wouldn't be right to leave Starr alone in the penthouse at night. He can't take her to Blair's house, because she and Max are on their second honeymoon in Hawaii. Viki is out of town on business until Sunday. No, the only responsible thing to do is to stay with his daughter and wait until morning to see Téa and her daughter.

He leans forward and places his forehead against the glass, closing his eyes and sighing her name, "Delgado."

***

Todd takes Starr to breakfast at Carlotta's diner, hoping to see Téa and her daughter, but they aren't there. Starr asks the waitress where they are, and she is informed that they just left for home about ten minutes before Todd and Starr arrived. Todd is very disappointed, and Starr has an idea.

"Dad, why don't you jump into your car and go after them? I can take a bus home."

"No, I'm not leaving you alone in Llanview. Besides, I doubt Téa would appreciate me springing myself on her and her daughter like that."

"Well, I don't know how else you're going to see her, because she clearly isn't going to be sending you any invitations, you know?"

"Exactly, so maybe it's for the best that I don't see her. I mean, what would it accomplish, other than making us both uncomfortable? Seeing her would be too awkward. Yeah. We should just leave things the way they are."

"Uh-huh. See, that's the kind of attitude and the kind of thinking that has kept you two apart all these years."

"Shorty, I doubt she wants to see me, okay? She has had plenty of opportunities to run into me here in town, and she has intentionally avoided having any contact with me. Gee, I may be reaching here, but I get the feeling that's how she wants it to be."

"Dad," she says, rolling her eyes. "You're a wuss."

Todd looks at his daughter for a moment. "Yeah, I guess I am," he says, quietly.

"So, that's it? You're just gonna let her get away, again?"

"Yeah. She's better off without me."

"Yeah, right. Good grief."

"Starr..."

"Oh, no, you're right. You should just let this opportunity to reunite with the woman you love slip away. No biggie. Let's go."

Todd watches, as Starr quickly gathers her things and walks to the door. As he throws money on the table, he glances over at the counter. He thinks back to when he had proposed to Téa at that very counter. She had given him so many chances in the past, and he blew them every time. He would always push her away, and she would always come back...until one time, he did, and she didn't. And now, five years later, he is faced with the harsh reality that losing Téa still hurts like hell.

"Are you coming?," asks Starr, interrupting her father's memories.

Todd looks at her. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah." With one last look at the counter, he turns and ushers his daughter out of the restaurant and into the car.

***

Todd sits at his sister's kitchen table, listening to his daughter tell her aunt all about how she saw Téa and how the news that Téa was in town has sent her father into a near-depression.

"Maybe you can talk some sense into him, Auntie Viki, because I'm not getting anywhere. I keep telling him to go to her, to try again, but he won't. He just sits around and mopes. I told him I could stay with you tonight, and I'm already staying with Katie tomorrow night, so there's no reason for him to stick around this town, not when the lovely Ms. Delgado awaits him in Manhattan."

"My goodness, Todd, your daughter seems to have everything figured out...and I must say, I agree with her."

"You would," grumbles Todd.

"Todd, sweetheart, answer this question for me, okay? What is the harm in trying? The worst case scenario is that it doesn't go well, and then you're right back where you started. You really have nothing to lose...and possibly everything to gain."

"It's different now, Viki. She has a kid."

"Yes, I know. Starr told me, but I don't see how that negates your chances with her. Téa always admired the way you related to Starr, so I'm sure she'd be comfortable to have you around her child. Granted, I'm glad she didn't see the way things were going 5 years ago, but things are much better now, and I think you're ready for this."

"It's not her kid that worries me."

"Okay, then what is it?"

Todd sighs. "That she won't be happy to see me. What am I saying? Of course, she won't be happy to see me. She'll probably call the cops or something. There is no way that Téa wants to see me or to have anything to do with me."

"Well, you won't know until you try. Call her."

"I don't know her number."

"Find it. You and I own newspapers, for Heaven's sake. I'm certain that, between the two of us, we can find a telephone number for an attorney in Manhattan."

"I don't want to call her, okay? If I called her, I know that the second I heard her voice, I'd freeze and hang up. She probably has caller ID and, oh, I don't even want to think about it."

"Todd..."

"No."

"Dad..."

"Not a word out of you, either, Shorty. This topic of discussion is finished. Got it?"

"You're a big meanie sometimes, dad. A big, stubborn meanie. I don't understand you, that you would let her slip away like this, but then...I guess that's why you've spent the last 5 years pining away for her, because you don't have enough guts to go after the woman you love. If you did, she would have been with you all this time, every day in the past five years, instead of starting a new life in Manhattan...without you."

A tense silence falls over the three. Suddenly, Todd gets up and walks to the door, running his fingers through his long hair. "Okay, fine. Shorty, you're staying here tonight, if that's alright with your aunt."

Viki nods that it's alright.

"Okay, and Viki, you'll have to take Shorty to school tomorrow, and she'll be staying with her friend tomorrow night. Is that okay?"

Viki nods that it's okay, her smile growing broader by the second.

"Oh, quit it, both of you. You're grinning like lunatics," Todd gripes. "God, you know, I thought for a while there that I was actually somewhat sane, after all the therapy and crap, but now, I'm not so sure. The fact that I'm even considering doing this...no, the fact I am doing this, makes me certifiable."

"Certifiably in loooooooooove," teases Starr.

"Oh, I hate this," laments Todd.

Viki stands up and walks over to her brother. She places her hands on his cheeks. "Yeah, maybe, but you love Téa. You always have, and you always will. Go to her, Todd. Go to the woman you love. Go to Téa."

Todd's stern expression softens. "Yeah. I think I'll do that."

"Yay!," shouts Starr, bouncing up and down wrapping her arms around her father.

"You be good, Shorty, got it?"

Starr lets go of him. "Yes, dad. I'll be reasonably good."

"Starr, I won't go if..."

"Go! Go. I'll be good. Sheesh."

"Hey, I know what your genetic pool is, kiddo, so cut me some slack in the trust department, okay?"

"Whatever, dad. Just go."

"Hey! Wait a minute! You don't know her address, Todd."

"Yes, I do. I looked it up last night. I lied about not knowing her phone number, too." He takes a deep breath. "Okay, I'm going." He doesn't move. Viki and Starr stare at him, making motions toward the door with their hands. "I'm going...soon...okay, now. God!" He turns and leaves the house. Viki and Starr smile at each other and give each other a high five.

***

Todd stands outside Téa's apartment building, trying to summon the courage to push the buzzer. He can't make himself do it. He feels paralyzed by the knowledge that he is so close to her. Just as he decides he isn't ready and turns to leave, someone opens the door and brushes past him, not waiting for the door to close. Without giving himself time to think, he prevents the door from closing and slips into the building.

He walks up to the top floor of the warehouse-style building and stops in front of Téa's door. He takes a moment to catch his breath; although, he is more winded from anxiety than from climbing stairs. He swallows hard, knocks on the door and waits.

Nothing.

He knocks, again. Just as he is about to leave, the door is yanked open, and there stands a tall, gorgeous, Latino man, wearing only a towel around his waist. He is dripping water on the wood floor, obviously having been interrupted in the middle of taking a shower. Todd does a quick scan of the man standing before him, noting his tattoos, his earring, his attitude. He doesn't like this man at all and feels incredibly jealous of him.

"Who are you and what do you want?," he asks Todd.

"Uh, is Téa here?"

"Who wants to know?"

"None of your business, just tell her an old friend is here to see her, okay?"

"No, it's not okay. Who are you?"

"Look..."

"Hey, who are you, man? What do you want with my sister?"

Todd's eyes grow wide. "Your sister? You gotta be José! You're Téa's full-brother. Yeah, you've got the, um, the same eyes."

"Are you hitting on me? Because, I don't play that way, man!"

"No! No, God no! I don't, either, I was just saying that...never mind."

Both men eye each other with suspicion and stand up straighter. Todd clears his throat. "So, you are José, right?"

"Yeah...and you are?"

"Todd. Todd Manning."

José stares at him, narrowing his big, brown eyes. "Téa's ex."

"Yeah, that's me. Her ex. So, how about it, man, is she here?"

"Is she expecting you?"

"No."

"Then, why are you here?"

"I just...wanted to see her, okay? My kid, Téa's ex step daughter, saw her the other night, and I just wanted to see her, too, I guess...I dunno. Is she here?"

"No."

"Any idea when she'll be back?," asks Todd, growing impatient.

"No. She went to her ex's, her other ex's, to pick up her daughter from an overnight visit. He lives in the Hamptons, so she won't be back for a couple hours."

"Wow, Téa finally made it to the Hamptons," Todd says, quietly.

"Yeah, big whoop. She hates it there, but she has to deal with it, because of the shared custody thing. Look, I'll tell her that you stopped by, okay?"

"Yeah, I..."

"José, are you coming back, querido?," a female voice purrs from a room Todd can't see. His heart beats faster at the sound of that word he hasn't hear in many years. Querido. Téa is the only one in the world who ever called him querido.

"Si, I'll be right there," José yells. "Hey, I gotta go. Like I said, Téa will be home later. I'd invite you in to wait, but, well...you know."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks." Todd slowly turns and heads down the hallway. José feels kind of guilty, but only for a moment, because he hears his lover's voice, again, and forgets all about the man who came to see his sister.

***

Todd glances at his watch. It's nearly 9 PM, and still no sign of Téa. He slumps down in his seat, pushing against the steering wheel, in an attempt to stretch his cramped back. Earlier, he had watched José leave the building and walk with his girlfriend down the street. He had considered sneaking back into the apartment, but he stopped himself, telling himself that his days of breaking and entering were a thing of the past. Too bad he can't say the same for his stalker habit.

The street Téa lives on is quiet, but he finally sees a car coming. It's a black SUV, and as it turns into the underground parking garage across the street from him, he can clearly see that the driver is Téa. He can also make out the form of a sleeping child, in a car seat. Tears spring to his eyes, as he starts to comprehend that he is actually seeing his Delgado, once again.

From where he sits in his car, he has a great view of the brightly-lit stairwell through the large windows, and he can see Téa carrying her sleeping child in her arms, up to their apartment. He sees lights coming on inside her home, but unfortunately, José had closed all the window blinds before he left, so Todd can't see anything, once Téa and Annie are inside the apartment.

As desperately as he wants to see her, to talk to her, he doesn't think he should intrude upon Téa and her sleeping child at this moment. He waits until he sees the lights go out. He starts his car, and with one last look at Téa's home, he drives away to find a hotel.

***

Todd has driven by Téa's apartment building so many times today, he is surprised he hasn't been arrested by now. Upon seeing the first batch of trick-or-treaters darting through the streets, he decides to finally park his car across from her building.

Soon, Todd sees José walking down the street, stopping to admire the children in their costumes. Todd grins at how obvious it is that big, tough José Delgado loves kids...just like himself. Even though having José here complicates matters tonight, Todd is glad that Téa has him, and possibly other family, with her and Annie.

He watches as José enters the building and climbs the stairs. There had been such a glare from the sun on the windows all day, that he had been unable to see into the apartment, but the sun has finally set and lights have been turned on, allowing Todd to see inside a little. He can see Téa, and she takes his breath away. She is smiling broadly and laughing. Since Annie is so short, Todd can't see her, but it's obvious that Téa and José are talking to the young girl.

A few minutes later, Todd sees José and Annie leave the building, hand in hand. Todd laughs at the sight of this child he has never met, but whose mother he loves more than he can comprehend. She is dressed as a bumble bee, and her wings and antennae are giving her problems, as they flap in the breeze. She starts giggling, so Todd rolls down his window to hear the sound...and it's just like Téa's laughter. Joyous and free. Beautiful.

José and Annie go skipping down the street, laughing as she swings her plastic pumpkin candy holder around. As much as he wants to meet Téa's daughter, Todd knows he needs to settle a few things with Annie's mom first. Once José and Annie are busy going door to door, Todd's attention turns to the apartment above him. He takes a deep breath and exits his car, walking up to the door. Before he gets there, he notices that kids are going in and out of the building freely, due to the occasion, so he enters the building and heads up to Téa's place.

He stays down the hall a bit and watches a few groups of kids get their candy from Téa, who is dressed as a witch...the sexiest witch Todd has ever seen. After the crowd has dwindled, he approaches her door and knocks. Within moments, the door opens, and they stand face to face for the first time in an eternity.

They stare at each other for a very long time, neither sure of what to say. Finally, Todd takes a chance and speaks.

"Trick-or-treat, Delgado?"

Her previously unreadable expression changes, as a sly smile slowly spreads across her face. "Well, that would depend, I guess."

"Yeah? On what?"

"On what your tricks and your treats are like these days."

They spend a few more moments looking at each other, before Todd thinks of his answer. He wants to put on a strong front, but he can't keep his voice from breaking. "Well, my trick is that I showed up here, unannounced, after having missed you every damned second of every damned day since the day you left me. And my treat? Well, that's easy. It's you."

Téa's eyes fill with tears, as she takes in the sight of him and hears his words. He looks so different than he did when she left him, that summer five years ago. His hair is back to its natural color, and it's long, again, the way she loves it. His goatee is back, too. He looks so much like he did on the night of their second wedding, that her mind is transported back to that time. Her heart tightens with the painful memories that she thought had been forgotten, but it doesn't last long, because the passage of time has helped to heal those old wounds...somewhat.

Todd is concerned by her tears, that are now cascading down her beautiful face. He braces himself for the big brush off he knows is coming, for the big "go to hell" he knows he is about to hear. He watches her closely, as she sets down the huge bowl of candy she is holding. She looks back into his eyes and wordlessly closes the gap between them, enveloping him in the warmest embrace he has ever felt. He quickly wraps his arms around her, holding her tightly to him, determined to never, ever let her go.

The End