30 WAYS TO IDENTIFY A BABY BOOMER

1. — You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

2.— You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

3.— Your back goes out more than you do.

4.— You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

    5.— You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

6.— Your are proud of your lawn mower.

Hotrods - a '50's passion

    7.— Your best friend is dating someone half his age... And isn't breaking any laws.

    8.— Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

9.— You sing along with the elevator music.

10.— You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

11.— You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

12.— You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

13.— You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

14.— You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

15.— People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"

16.— You have a dream about prunes.

17.— You answer a question with "Because I said so!"

18.— You send money to PBS.

19.— The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

20.— You take a metal detector to the beach.

21.— You wear black socks with sandals.

22.— You know what the word equity means.

23.— You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

24.— Your ears are hairier than your head.

25.— You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

26.— You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

27.— You got cable for the weather channel.

28.— You can go bowling without drinking.

29.— You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

30. You still read MAD or CRACKED magazine but hide it from your kids and spouse.

THEN AND NOW: THE '60s VS. THE '90s/2000

Then: Long Hair
Now: Longing for hair.

Then: The perfect high.
Now: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

Then: Keg.
Now: EKG.

Then: Acid Rock.
Now: Acid Reflux.

Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's warm.

Then: You're growing pot.
Now: Your growing pot.

Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.

Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Then: Seeds and stems.
Now: Roughage.

Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.
Now: Popping joints.

Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
Now: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

Then: Paar.
Now: AARP.

Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
Now: Being caught with Hustler magazine

Then: Killer weed.
Now: Weed killer.

Then: Hoping for a BMW.
Now: Hoping for a BM.

Then: The Grateful Dead.
Now: Dr. Kevorkian.

Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint.

Then: Rolling Stones.
Now: Kidney stones.

Then: Being called into the principal's office.
Now: Calling the principal's office.

Then: Screw the system!
Now: Upgrade the system.

Then: Peace sign.
Now: Mercedes logo.

Then: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
Now: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.

Then: Take acid.
Now: Take antacid.

Then: Passing the driver's test.
Now: Passing the vision test.

Then: "Whatever"
Now: "Depends"

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THE '60'S QUIZ

1. For a while after the Beatles "arrived," they were challenged by another member of the "British invasion"; their first big hit was "Glad All Over"; the group was....

2. Ringo's real name is _______.

3. And who was the drummer that Ringo replaced (the unluckiest drummer in the history of music)?

4. When the Beatles first came to America, one New York disk jockey had such close access to them, he became known as the "fifth Beatle." Who was that?

5. He was "Little Stevie Wonder" back in the early sixties; and he "burst onto the scene" with a hit called _________.

6. Another enormously talented blind singer got his start back in the sixties is Ray Charles. One of his first hits was, "Hit the Road, _____."

7. And which of his biggest hits has become an official state song?

8. She had a beautiful voice and perfect pitch. The lead singer of "The Mamas and the Papas" was Mama Cass _________."

9. He was only a teenager himself in the late fifties when he wrote and recorded a song called "Oh Please, Diana." We're talking about ________.

10. This same artist wrote one of Frank Sinatra's "signature songs" (that was also made popular by Elvis). That song is.....

11. We all remember that Buddy Holly was killed in a plane crash. It was a horrible cold and snowy day in February, 1959. In what state did the plane crash take place?

 12. Singer Don McClean called that "the day __________________"

13. Richie Valens was also killed in that crash, along with the man known as The _____ ________

14. But his real name was J. P. ___________

15. Who starred in the movie about Buddy Holly?

16. Another singer died in a plane crash in 1968, weeks before his biggest hit ever made it to the charts. 17. Peter, Paul, and Mary.... I want their last names... one at a time: first, Peter....

18. Now Paul...

19. And Mary....

20. What was that one single that was a hit for Paul (often played on one particular occasion)?

 21. In the late sixties, __________________ sang "Up, Up, and Away."

22. "... in my beautiful, my beautiful __________."

23. Give yourself a bonus point if you can name the writer of "Up, Up, and Away."

24. Who was the lead singer for that group?

25. Daughter Nancy Sinatra had only one big hit. It was called...

26. But one of Frank's first duets was with his daughter. Together they sang....

27. At first, they were known just as "The Supremes." But then egos got in the way, and they became "_______               _____ and the Supremes."

28. And ironically, what was the title of the last single put out by the original Supremes?

29. In the mid sixties, trumpet player Herb Alpert had a series of instrumental hits with his band, the_________.

30. Also with a Latin flair was Sergio Mendes and __________________'

31. Herb Alpert's singing career began and ended with what song?

 32. In the late sixties, she started out as the drummer in the small band with her brother. But she had such a perfect voice, she soon did all the vocals for ______________.

ANSWERS TO THE '60'S QUIZ

1. Dave Clark Five

2. Richard Starkey

3. Pete Best

4. Murry the K

5. Fingertips, Part II

6. Jack

7. Georgia On My Mind

8. Elliott

9. Paul Anka

10. My Way

11. "Iowa-near Clear Lake, Iowa"

12. "the day the music died"

13. The Big Bopper

14. Richardson

15. Gary Busey

16. Otis Redding

17. Yarrow

18. Stookey

19. Travers

20. The Wedding Song

21. The Fifth Dimension

22. balloon

23. Jimmy Webb

24. Marilyn McCoo

25. These boots are made for walkin'

26. Something Stupid

27. Diana Ross

28. Some day We'll Be Together

29. Tijuana Brass

30. Brazil '66

31. This Guy's In Love With You

32. The Carpenters

THE '70'S QUIZ

TRUE OR FALSE?

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1. Man walked on the moon for the first time.

      2. "All in the Family" debuted on television.

      3. The astronauts of Apollo 13 had to abort their mission when an oxygen tank exploded.

      4. The Russians landed a man on the moon.

      5. Puerto Rico became a state.

      6. Richard Nixon was forced to resign from the presidency.

      7. An oil shortage caused motorists in the U.S. to have to wait in line... sometimes for hours, to fill up their tank.

      8. The Supreme court ruled, in the famous Miranda ruling, that a suspect must be informed of his rights before he can be questioned.

      9. Elvis died.

      10. An accident at the Three Mile Island nuclear plant generated fears of a "nuclear meltdown."

      11. President Kennedy was assassinated.      

12. President Nixon imposed wage and price controls in an attempt to hold down inflation.

      13. The U.S. gave up in the war in Vietnam.      

14. Nearly half a million boomers partied at an event called Woodstock.      

15. The Supreme Court ruled that abortion was legal.

      16. The voting age was lowered from 21 to 18.      

17. Dr. Martin Luther King was assassinated.    

  18. The U.S. military draft came to an end.      

19. Charismatic cult leader Jim Jones led hundreds of followers to Central America, and then convinced them to commit suicide.

      20. The Supreme Court ruled that capital punishment laws on the books were unconstitutional. Hundreds of convicted murderers thus automatically had their death sentences nullified.

      21. Feminist Gloria Steineim ran for president.      

22. A U.S. vice-president was forced to resign amid charges of bribery.

      23. Ronald Reagan was elected president.  

    24. The disco was "in."

      25. The disco was "out."

      26. Nelson Rockefeller became Vice-President.      

27. The FCC was flooded with requests for CB licenses as hundreds of thousands of motorists jumped on the CB (Citizen's Band) radio bandwagon. "Breaker, breaker 19 - we got a convoy here."

      28. The personal computer was born.

      29. "Saturday Night Live" premiered on NBC television.

      30. Cell phones became popular.

      31. Bill Gates dropped out of college and formed the Microsoft Corporation.    

  32. Eight-track tape players were "in."    

  33. Eight-track tape players were "out."      

34. Gov. George Wallace was assassinated while running for president.

      35. The Surgeon General announced for the first time that smoking was a health hazard.

      36. Commercials for cigarettes were banned from television and radio.      

37. President Gerald Ford pardoned Richard Nixon for any crimes he may have committed in connection with the Watergate scandal.

      38. The Beatles went their separate ways.      

39. The Ed Sullivan Show went off the air. Guests on the last show included Gladys Knight and the Pips.

      40. John Lennon was assassinated.

      41. Jane Fonda visited North Vietnam, thus serving as a propaganda tool of the North Vietnamese.

      42. The first Super Bowl was played.      

43. "M*A*S*H" premiers as a series on television.

      44. Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson team up to record "Ebony and Ivory."

45. Two women tried but failed... to shoot the president.

      46. Muhammad Ali retained his heavyweight title by defeating Smokin' Joe Frazier in the "Thrilla' in Manilla."      

47. The Miller Brewing Company introduced the world to Lite beer.

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ANSWERS TO THE '70'S QUIZ

1.F 2.T 3.T 4.T 5.F 6.T 7.T

8.F 9.T 10.T 11.F 12.T 13.T 14.F

15.T 16.T 17.F 18.T 19.T 20.T

21.F 22.T 23.F 24.T 25.T 26.T

27.T 28.T 29.T 30.F 31.T 32.T 33.T

34. 35. 36. 37.T 38.T 39.F

40.T 41.T 42.T 43.F 44.F 45.T 46.T 47.T

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45 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU'RE LOST BETWEEN A BABY BOOMER & GEN X'ER:

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1. There was nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together.

2. You know who shot JR.

3. You've ever conversationally used the phrase, "Jane, you ignorant slut!"

4. You remember when Jordache and Sasson jeans were cool.

5. You sat for a class picture in an Izod shirt with the collar up.

7. The Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.

8. You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!" or "Candygram!"

9. Three words: Atari, IntelliVision, and Colecovision.

10. You remember "Friday Night Videos" (before the days of MTV).45 ways-boomers

11. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.

12. While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying.

13. You took family trips in a station wagon.

14. You rode in the "very back" of the station wagon and made faces at the people in the cars behind you.

15. You watched "HR Puffenstuff" as a child, but now that you're older, you really understand that it would have been much better had you known about drugs at the time.

16. "Schoolhouse Rock" played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language.

17. You've ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in a Duran Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video.

18. You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made your old Big Wheel quite obsolete.

19. The phrase "Where's the beef," still doubles you over with laughter.

20. You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in TRON.

21. Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something that can only be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting."

22. This timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life:
A. Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the creatures are WAY cool.
B. Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early double digits, and you are convinced that the special effects are much better, the characters are cooler, and you want one of every collectible out there.
C. Return of the Jedi hits the theaters, you are now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or Han Solo's butt, respectively.

23. You've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton (but not in the last five years, okay!).

24. You're starting to believe now that maybe having the kids go to school year round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

25. You're doing absolutely nothing pertaining to your major.

26. You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.

27. You ever used the phrase "Kiss mah grits!" in conversation.

28. You remember trying to guess the episode of "The Brady Bunch" from the first scene.

29. You spent endless nights dreaming about being (or getting together with) the Bionic Woman, Wonder Woman, or the Six Million Dollar Man.

30. You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding on "General Hospital."

31. This rings a bell: "...and my name is Charlie. They work for me."

32. You know all the words to the double album set of Grease.

33. You ever had a Dorothy Hammill haircut.

34. You sat with your friends on a Friday night and dialed 867-5309 to see if Jenny would answer.

35. "All skate, change directions" means something to you.

36. You owned a pair of Rainbow suspenders just like Mork used to wear.

37. You bought a pair of Vans and wanted to order a pizza in history class so you could be just like Spicolli in Fast Times.

38. You were too young to go see The Blue Lagoon so you just had to settle for secondhand reports.

30. You remember when there was only PG and R – none of this PG-13 crap.

40. You learned to swim about the same time Jaws came out and still carry the emotional scars.

41. Your jaw would ache by the time you finished those brick-sized packages of Bazooka gum.

42. You ever climbed in and out of the car through the windows.

43. VCRs cost $2,000.

44. Rotary dial telephones.

45. You actually believed that Mikey died after eating Pop Rocks and drinking a Coke.

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TOP 100 SONGS

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Groovy tunes, dudes. Debate with your boomer buddies about what should or should not be on this list, or, more likely, the order, or who sang what. These are crowd pleasers. I like every last one.

1. American Pie, Don McLean
2. Satisfaction, Rolling Stones
3. Light My FireDoors
4. The House of the Rising Sun, Animals
5. Good Vibrations, Beach Boys
6. Unchained Melody, The Righteous Brothers
7. The Lion Sleeps Tonight, Tokens
8. California Dreamin', Mamas and the Papas
9. Hey Jude, Beatles
10. Sounds Of Silence, Simon & Garfunkel
11. Only The Lonely, Roy Orbison
12. White Rabbit, Jefferson Airplane
13. Born To Be Wild, Steppenwolf
14. Oh, Pretty Woman, Roy Orbison
15. Bridge Over Troubled Water, Simon & Garfunkel
16. Dock Of The Bay, Otis Redding
17. Layla, Eric Clapton
18. Maggie Mae, Rod Stewart
19. Leavin' on a Jet Plane, Peter, Paul & Mary
20. Yesterday, Beatles
21. Under The Boardwalk, Drifters
22. Stairway To Heaven, Led Zeppelin
23. When A Man Loves A Woman, Percy Sledge
24. Crystal Blue Persuasion, Tommy James & The Shondells
25. I Got You Babe, Sonny & Cher
26. In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, Iron Butterfly
27. Imagine, Lennon, John
28. For What It's Worth, Buffalo Springfield
29. My Girl, Temptations
30. Me and Bobby McGee, Janis Joplin
31. Cherish, The Association
32. Runaround Sue, Dion & The Belmonts
33. Downtown, Petula Clark
34. Let It Be, Beatles
35. I Saw Her Standing There, Beatles
36. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, Roberta Flack
37. Blowin' in the Wind, Peter, Paul & Mary
38. Respect, Aretha Franklin
39. He's A Rebel, Crystals
40. Stand By Me, Ben E. King
41. Happy Together, Turtles
42. Colour My World, Chicago
43. Dream Lover, Bobby Darin
44. Stop In The Name Of Love, Supremes
45. Mack the Knife, Bobby Darin
46. A Summer Song, Chad & Jeremy
47. Duke Of Earl, Gene Chandler
48. All I Have To Do Is Dream, Everly Brothers
49. I Think We're Alone Now, Tommy James And The Shondells
50. This Girl is a Woman Now, Gary Puckett & the Union Gap
51. Joy To The World, Three Dog Night
52. Baby Love, Supremes
53. Someday We'll Be Together, Supremes
54. In The Still Of The Night, Five Satins
55. Dark Side Of The Moon, Pink Floyd
56. Crimson And Clover, Tommy James & The Shondells
57. Penny Lane, Beatles
58. Big Girls Don't Cry, Four Seasons
59. Peggy Sue, Buddy Holly
60. Rock Around The Clock, Bill Haley & The Comets
61. Puff, the Magic Dragon, Peter, Paul & Mary
62. At The Hop, Danny & the Juniors
63. Gimme Shelter, Rolling Stones
64. Did You Ever Have To Make Up Your Mind, Lovin' Spoonful
65. Do You Believe In Magic, Lovin' Spoonful
66. Lookin' Out My Back Door, Creedence Clearwater Revival
67. She Loves You, Beatles
68. Diana, Paul Anka
69. Earth Angel, Crew-Cuts
70. The Boxer, Simon & Garfunkel
71. Another Saturday Night, Cooke, Sam
72. Mrs. Robinson, Simon & Garfunkel
73. Great Balls of Fire, Jerry Lee Lewis
74. Along Comes Mary, Association
75. I Can't Help Myself, Four Tops
76. Best Thing that Ever Happened, Knight, Gladys & the Pips
77. Your Song, Elton John
78. Venus, Frankie Avalon
79. Close to You, Carpenters
80. Summer In The City, Lovin' Spoonful
81. Suspicious Minds, Elvis Presley
82. Only You, The Platters
83. Love Me Tender, Elvis Presley
84. Don't Think Twice, It's Alright, Peter, Paul & Mary
85. Blueberry Hill, Domino, Fats
86. Wake Up Little Susie, Everly Brothers
87. Johnny Angel, Shelly Fabres
88. You Didn't Have To Be So Nice, Lovin' Spoonful
89. I Only Have Eyes For You, Flamingos
90. Young Girl, Gary Puckett & The Union Gap
91. Moon River, Henry Mancini
92. He's So Fine, The Chiffons
93. Help, Beatles
94. Wonderful World, Sam Cooke
95. Don't Be Cruel, Elvis Presley
96. Chances Are, Johnny Mathis
97. True Love Ways, Buddy Holly
98. Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer, Nat Cole
99. Cryin' in the Chapel, Elvis Presley
100. I Am I Said, Neil Diamond