Megatron: Welcome to The Price is Right! And here's our host, Inferno Burner!
~ Crowd cheers as Inferno comes onstage ~
Inferno: Thank you my Queen. Who are the unfortunate fools to come on our show today?
Megatron: Today's contestants are Optimus Primal, Dino Bot, Rat Trap, and Chee Tor! Come on down!
~ The four contestants come on down ~
Inferno: Now here is our first item up for bid!
~ We see model Blackarachnia come out in a tacky dress ~
Megatron: This dress you see our model Black Arachnia wearing is made by Hasbro!
Inferno: Optimus, what is your bid?
Optimus: $1,000!
Rattrap: (Hitting himself over the head) It's made by Hasbro Monkey-Brain! There's no way it'll cost THAT much!
~ Optimus just shrugs ~
Inferno: Dino, your bid?
Dinobot: It's Dinobot! Not Dino!
Inferno: Silence traitor! I just want your bid!
Dinobot: $10
Inferno: Rat?
Rattrap: $5 and it's Rattrap!
Inferno: (Ignoring Rattrap) And Chee? Your bid?
Cheetor: Cheetor
~ Inferno just stares at him blankly ~
Cheetor: Cheetor…
Inferno: Who…
Cheetor: Oh, never mind! I bid $1!
Inferno: And the price of the dress, $2! Get over here Chee!
Cheetor: Ultra-Gear! What are we gonna play?
Inferno: Not 'we'… 'You'…
Cheetor: Okay…
Inferno: The game is called "Hole-in-One"
Cheetor: (Very excited) I know this game!!!
Inferno: Good, because I wasn't going to explain it anyway…
~ Later, Cheetor got all the prizes wrong, so he should have to putt from the farthest line from the hole, but… ~
Inferno: Well, since you're a minor, we'll let you putt from the first line.
Cheetor: Cool! (Not even understanding what Inferno meant)
~ Cheetor gets ready to putt, 1 inch away from the hole. But when he hits the gulf ball, it misses the hole completely! ~
Inferno: That was pathetic!
~ The audience is laughing now ~
Cheetor: Aw man! (He walks away, head down in embarrassment)
~ Unfortunately for Cheetor, he just happens to step on a land mine ~
KABOOM!!!!
~ We see little pieces of Cheetor landing all over the studio ~
Inferno: (To no one in particular) Remind me to thank Who's Damn Insane for those land mines…
Megatron: And I thought his name was Suddam Hussein or something like that.
Inferno: Like anyone cares
Megatron: True
Inferno: So who's next to come on down?
Megatron: Someone by the name Mike…
~ A whole bunch of guys get up out of their seats ~
Inferno: A last name would help, my Queen
Megatron: It doesn't give one, but it says the guy's from Canmore
Mike: That's me!!
~ Mike gets up and goes to Contestants' Row ~
Mike: I'm Mike, from Canmore!
Inferno: Canmore? Where's that?
Mike: It's in Canada, eh
Inferno: Canada… what province?
Mike: I can't remember…
Inferno: Okay… um, what's the next item up for bid?
Megatron: This lovely couch!
~ We see a couch with Blackarachnia, in robot mode, with Silverbolt, beast mode on it. Blackarachnia is petting Silverbolt ~
Megatron: This couch is made by Lazy-Boy furniture! And as you see, we have an ugly dog here. So if you want an ugly dog of your own, just go to your local SPCA.
Silverbolt: (Growling) I'm not ugly! Right Blackarachnia?
Blackarachnia: (Lying) Bowser, you're the cutest bot ever!
Inferno: Silence you two! Now, Mike, what is your bid?
Mike: Can I have the doggie?
Inferno: (A bit angry) Yes, but can you give me your bid already?!
Mike: You didn't say 'please'!
~ Inferno takes out his flame thrower and points it at Mike ~
Inferno: Please this!
~ Inferno burns Mike to a crisp ~
Inferno: Anyone else like to drive my patience?
~ The other contestants just shake their heads and back away from the psycho ant ~
Inferno: Good! Now Optimus, your bid?
Optimus: $100!
Inferno: Dino?
Dinobot: It's Dinobot! Can't you get it right you moron! Anyways, I bid $20
Inferno: Rat?
Rattrap: $21
Dinobot: (Threatening Rattrap) Why you little…
Inferno: And the retail price of the couch is, $20! Get over here you traitorous scum!
Dinobot: Watch it, or I'll hit you so hard, your face will be on the other side of your head!
Inferno: Oh, I'm so scared!
Dinobot: You better be!
Megatron: Ahem! Can you please continue the game!
Inferno: My apologies Royalty!
Megatron: That's better. Now, Dino, now you're gonna play, Plinko!
Dinobot: (Sarcastically) Oh joy!
Megatron: Where you get a chance to win $1,000,000,000!!
Dinobot: Nice…
~ Model Airazor comes up and gives Dinobot some chips (not the kind you eat!) ~
Dinobot: What the slag are these for?
Inferno: You walk up those steps there, then you try to drop the chips into the slots.
Dinobot: Oh…
~ Dinobot walks up the steps. Then drops the first chip onto the Plinko board. The chip lands in the $0 slot ~
Dinobot: (Growling) $0! How can this be?!
Inferno: Relax! You still have two more chips!
~ Dinobot does the same with the other chips, both land in the $0 slot ~
Dinobot: WHAT?!!! How can I lose?!
~ Dinobot starts firing his eye-beams at the Plinko board. Then he takes out his sword and starts totally destroying the board ~
Inferno: Someone restrain him please?
Waspinator: Wazzpinator will rezztrain Lizard-Bot!
Inferno: I meant someone who will actually succeed in restraining him!
Waspinator: Wazpinator will succeed! Wazzpinator rulezzz!!
~ Waspinator goes to try and restrain the furious Dinobot. Unfortunately, he is hit by Dinobot's eye-beams ~
Waspinator: Why doez Univerze hate Wazzpinator?
~ Waspinator then goes into stasis-lock ~
Inferno: (Sighing) Why me?
~ Later, Dinobot is finally restrained, and Waspinator is put into a CR chamber ~
Inferno: Okay, we have two places in Contestants' Row to fill.
Megatron: Yes, will Black Cat and Grim Lock, come on down!
~ Black Cat and Grimlock take their places in Contestants' Row ~
Inferno: And here is our next item up for bid!
Megatron: That's right! From Hooker Furniture, is a… um, hooker!
~ A hooker comes out ~
Rattrap: Hello!
Black Cat: (To Rattrap) Now YOU would be interested in THAT, would you?
Rattrap: Eh, shut-up! No one likes you!
~ Black Cat ignores Rattrap ~
Inferno: Now, Black, what is your bid?
Black Cat: It's Black Cat.
Inferno: Whatever.
Black Cat: I bid $1,000,000,000
Rattrap: You SO over bid!
Black Cat: I did that on purpose! You're so stupoid!
Rattrap: What in the Pit is a stupoid?
Black Cat: You!
Inferno: Will you both shut-up?!
~ Black Cat and Rattrap shut-up ~
Inferno: Grim, your bid?
Grimlock: I lov bLakC AknIa aND MOOn Ktty!!!!
Inferno: That's nice, what's your bid?
Grimlock: GRIMLOCK6666@hotmail.com
Inferno: Do you want me to shoot you?
Grimlock: NoTHig wILL com beTWEnn me anD MK!!
Moon Kitty: (From audience) Please just shoot him already!
Inferno: No, I have a better idea… Scavenger, RazorClamp. He's yours to torture!
~ Scavenger and RazorClamp smile evilly at Grimlock ~
Scavenger: Heh, this is gonna be fun…
RazorClamp: Oh yes, tons of fun!
~ They drag Grimlock off to be tortured. We hear his screams as they leave ~
Inferno: Optimus, bid?
Optimus: $1!
Rattrap: You also over bid! I bid 20 cents!
Optimus: You can't bid that! The price is suppose to be rounded off to the nearest dollar!
Inferno: Not anymore
Optimus: Damn…
Inferno: And, the price for the hooker is 21 cents! Get over here Rat!
Rattrap: Yes!!
Inferno: Okay, you are going to play a new game. This game requires no prices.
Rattrap: So this should be easy.
Inferno: No, you have to stare at a picture of what you'll look like in Beast Machines. If you can look at it for 30 seconds without cracking, you win a new car.
Rattrap: Okay, how bad can it be?
Inferno: Very…
~ Inferno sits Rattrap in front of a Beast Machines picture of himself ~
Rattrap: Oh Primus, that's ugly!
~ It takes like 15 seconds before Rattrap cracks and runs out of the building screaming ~
Inferno: That was fun!
~ Later, at the big wheel thingy ~
Inferno: Okay, I'm sure you all know the rules for the wheel
Cheetor: (Who has just been repaired) No, is it like "The Wheel of Fortune"?
Inferno: No, and I'm not explaining it
Cheetor: You're mean!
Inferno: I know. Now spin the wheel.
~ Cheetor goes to spin the wheel. It stops on 0 ~
Cheetor: Hey! There isn't suppose to be a zero there!
Inferno: There is now!
Cheetor: Do I get another spin?
Inferno: No.
Cheetor: This sucks!
~ He walks away, only to step on another land mine ~
KABOOM!!!!
~ Pieces of Cheetor everywhere! ~
Inferno: Next!
~ Dinobot walks up to the wheel and spins it. It stops on 200 ~
Dinobot: What?!! How can I go over on one spin?! This thing should DIE!!!
~ Dinobot destroys the wheel much the same way he did the Plinko board ~
Inferno: Not again!!
Waspinator: (Who is repaired again) Wazzpinator will help!
Inferno: Why me? Primus, why me?
~ Waspinator gets slagged again, and Dinobot is somehow restrained, again… ~
Inferno: Alright Rat, since the wheel is now slag. You will be in the Show-Case
Rattrap: Sweet!
~ Back in Contestants' Row ~
Inferno: It appears we have only two contestants, so we need two others…
Megatron: Just what I was thinking, Optimus Minor and Moon Kitty, come on down!
~ The two come on down ~
Minor: (With a bottle of beer in one hand, and a whiskey in the other) This is so groovy man!
Moon Kitty: Are you drunk?
Black Cat: Yes, MK, he's drunk! Duh!
Moon Kitty: Shut-up BC!
Black Cat: Make me!
Moon Kitty: Maybe you should drink some of that stuff, it might make you nicer.
Inferno: Not now you two!
Moon Kitty: Oh, hi Ferney! What's up?
Inferno: Nothing much MK, but could you stop calling me Ferney?
Moon Kitty: Sure.
Megatron: Woah! One minuet! Inferno? You know her?
Inferno: Yes my Queen, she is a friend of mine.
Megatron: Oh…
Inferno: What's the next…
Megatron: …item up for bid? Is a T-shirt from our visit to the Jerry Springer show.
Moon Kitty: Oh yeah! That was fun!
Inferno: Okay, Optimus…
Optimus: $1!
Inferno: Not you! Minor!
Optimus: Oops!
Inferno: Minor?
~ Optimus Minor is asleep ~
Inferno: Oh great! He's asleep! MK, your bid?
Moon Kitty: $20! Because I bought a shirt there, and that's what it costed me.
Inferno: Okay, Optimus Primal…
Optimus: $1!
Inferno: And the cost of the T-shirt is, $20! For that, MK, you get $100!
Moon Kitty: Yay!
Inferno: Okay, since we're running out of time, we'll just give you the prize.
Moon Kitty: Really? Cool! What is it?!
Inferno: A new car!
Moon Kitty: Oh my God! Ferney, er, I mean Inferno! You're the best!
Inferno: I know.
~ Later, since time shortage, and because of the lack of wheel. Moon Kitty was automatically chosen for the Show-Case ~
Inferno: Okay, MK, you are the top winner today. So here is your showcase!
Megatron: Yes Moon Kitty, you can win a trip to Lala-Land!!
Moon Kitty: Lala-Land! I love Lala-Land!!
Inferno: Okay, so what's your bid?
Moon Kitty: 27 cents! I know, 'cause I've been there!
Inferno: Good, now Rat, here is your showcase!
Megatron: Yes, Rat, you can win a whole collection of Beast Wars toys!
Rattrap: Toys?!
Inferno: Now Rattrap, what is your bid?
Rattrap: Umm… $50 I guess…
Inferno: Okay, and the retail price for Rat's toys are, $20! Sorry, you over bid!
Rattrap: Ah, slaggit!
Inferno: And for that, you shall burn! So BURN MAXIMAL!!!! BUUURRRRRNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
~ Inferno burns Rattrap ~
Inferno: Okay, and now the retail price of MK's trip is 27 cents!!! MK, you win both prizes!!
Moon Kitty: Really? Why's that?
Inferno: Because, you bid exactly right, so you win both showcases!
Moon Kitty: Cool!
~ All of Moon Kitty's friends come down to congratulate her. They go to check out her new car and her other prizes ~
Inferno: And that's all for The Price is Right! And remember to get your pets neutered!
~ Silverbolt's ears perk up ~
Silverbolt: (Looking around him) Uh oh!
~ Silverbolt runs for dear life. Mob of vets start chasing him ~
Blackarachnia: Wait! Don't fix him! That's the only reason I go out with him!
Silverbolt does get fixed, much to Blackarachnia's disappointment. Also, Black Cat and Grimlock get married and have 7 children. I'm sure they'll be happy together! And Inferno retires early due to stress.
Author's Note: Grimlock is not the same Grimlock from Transformers. This one is a guy I know, and don't like, but for some reason he likes me. And as you probably noticed, no one really likes Black Cat or Grimlock. And Mike is a character from the show, "Royal Canadian Air Farce". So if you never saw the show, you may not get it, but it's probably still funny anyway.