Part 41....Zac's True Side

Zac sat at his desk, furiously writing in his journal. As far as he knew, Isaac and Lindsay were still downstairs, though Lindsay was really in her room.

Journal,
Life... is well, life. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? I really don't. But what I've learned so far is that, well, everyday of your life, pain and betrayal will be there, staring you in the eye. Anger and lies, death and love, everything... and it's almost sad, 'cause there's really nothing that I or anyone can really do about it, accept keep walking forwards until we get to the end of that road.

See how I wrote love can be staring you right in the eye? I'm wondering if that's possible. The only people I know for a fact to be in love, are my parents. For so many years my father and mother have loved and cherished each other. It obviously shows too. When Taylor and Lindsay got together, I began thinking that they too were really in love. I admit, I was jealous, but only in the way where I couldn't wait to fall in love. I couldn't wait to be able to experience all the happiness.

I know my parents are what love really is. But what about Taylor and Lindsay? It's almost funny. I remember seeing Taylor with this weird look in his eyes whenever he and Lindsay were together. Ever since things got rocky between them, it's like... Taylor's lost that look, and if possible, his blue eyes have almost lost their twinkle. Now I am beginning to wonder if what they had was ever love. Could it possibly be, that the whole time, it was nothing but lust and some desperate, burning desire to just be able to have some one by you? Is that possible?

Journal, I'm not that old and yet I am so confused! Hell, I am only 12 years old. I love my music and I love and am thankful for all that is happening now, but, it's all happening so fast. I'm beginning to wonder what's happening to the bond that Isaac, Taylor and I have. We barely call each other by our nicknames anymore... when we talk, we're yelling and cursing. This isn't right... this isn't how it use to be... and I wish things were back to the way they use to be... but I guess as time goes by, things change and people change. Life goes on... life, eventually, goes on..

Zachary Hanson

The door opened, and Zac slowly looked up, eyes burning thinking it was Isaac. There stood Taylor, wet from head to toe. Droplets of water fell from this hair, and on to the carpet.

Zac's voice was shocked and barley audible, "Shit, Taylor... what the hell happened to you? Are you okay?"

"Y-y-yeah. I'm just r-really c-cold from t-the rain outside... i went for a walk." he answered his brother's question while changing into dry and warm clothes. "I went out to do some thinking."

"Yeah, I've been doing some thinking too... is it me or does everything just seem screwed right now?"

"I know... God, Zac, I know and understand exactly how you feel..."

Taylor, now in dry clothes sat opposite from Zac on the bed.

Zac looked at Taylor surprised, "W-what? Did you just say... you understand exactly how I feel?" Taylor nodded. Zac felt hot tears come into his eyes. "Tay... I've waited so long to hear you say that to me again... it's been a year since the last time you've said that to me, but I swear, it felt so much longer... it felt like decades..."

"You mean, for me to say i understand? I though you always knew that. I always understand."

Zac shook his head, "Taylor, I am only twelve years old and I think that I'm supposed to feel happy and everything, but... I am just so confused and scared and you know what the sad part is? No one's really known that until now... I feel so alone, you know? FUnny how i use to feel left out 'cause you and Isaac had girlfriends. I use to want to know what it's like to be in love, not anymore... no more for me. I am just plainly tired, Tay. And I want to rest. That's all... I want things to be back to normal. Taylor, don't you see how much everything's changed so much?! What if things can never go back to normal?"

"There's always hope, Zac..." now Taylor had tears in eyes threatening to spill just as Zac's had. "I mean..."

"Tay, even you don't know the answer to that question... now do you see why I now feel so alone? All I am to people is some twelve-year-old..." Taylor took his little brother in his arms, and cradled him, trying as best as he could to comfort him.

"I see now, and I am sorry that I didn't see it before, Zac. But no matter what, at the end of everything, we'll all still be brothers... you and I especially... you can feel lonely, afraid and confused, but you'll always have me, Zac. And we'll always be brothers. And when the world starts coming down on you, at the end of it... I will still love you, Zac..." the tears fell from Taylor's blue eyes.

Zac was crying, yet he had a smile of relief on his face. He looked up at his older brother, "I love you, Tay... thank you..."

Taylor smiled, "I've been talking to mom and dad and they've been talking to our man, Chris Sabec. The three of them and a couple others know how things have been going. They see it's effect of you and me, Zac... they were thinking, well Chris was any ways, that... if you and i wanted to, Zac, we could go and live with him in Los Angeles. Plus we've got Aunt Sarah out there too. Mom and dad are still discussing it, but they say that it may be better for us for just a couple months... what do you say, Zac? I'm willing to go..."

Zac sat and pondered a moment. He could stay in his home, despite all the pain or he could leave his home and get away from it... "I'm in, Tay." the two brothers looked at each other and shared another warm embrace.

A single tear dropped from Isaac's brown eyes. It was true that he, his brothers, and many other things had changed. The bond between them especially. He had no idea where it was headed. One thing he knew for certain was for the first time ever, he missed out on a brotherly togetherness moment... he knew deep in his heart he should have been there too rather than standing outside the door. Silently, in the back of his mind, Isaac cursed himself.