Part 44...Can't Stop Loving You
[note: this chapter is not written from Lindsay's point of view]

Taylor stood outside motionless on the wooden deck of his Tulsa home. The sky was black, and little twinkles of starlight were begining to shine through the empty canvas of God's black paint. He wondered, silently, why this all was happening. He wondered why he seemed so eager to leave, yet still wanted to stay. Was it Lindsay? He didn't know. His feelings for her had subsided, yet he knew that she would be the one he would never stop loving, until the end. And even if he never got close to acting upon those feelings, he knew even if he never saw her again a day wouldn't go by that he did not think of her.

He sighed, leaning over the brown railing of the deck and gazing at the sky above him. "I'm going to miss this place."

**********

Lindsay exited the bathroom, slowly. She had occupied the small room for 2 hours. She sat beside the bathtub, almost ready to throw up, but mostly just crying. Her feelings were all confused, thrown into a colorful world and shaken up, so she didn't know what to do. She remembered the times when she thought Taylor was the only thing she had.

Now, she thought. I don't have anything.

She tiptoed slowly down the hall and into her room where she thought to find piece and sanctuary, in a world of calm surroundings.

But no.

A worried Isaac sat on her chair, with his eyes glued on the door, waiting for her to walk in. She blinked once at him, wanting with all of her heart for him not to be there. She wanted him to leave, and now.

"Are you okay?" He asked, standing up and hugging her.

"Please," She pulled away from him. "Please just let me be alone, okay?"

He walked toward the door and took a good look at her, trying to discover what she really felt under that pretty face. "What's wrong Lindsay?" He sighed. "What's wrong?"

"Please, Isaac." She repeated. "Let me be alone."

The boy walked out of the room, with a hurting ache in his stomach and a worried feeling in his heart. He had always known, he knew, that he'd been in love with Lindsay the moment he rested his dark eyes upon her, in her lacy dress she wore to her welcome party. That was when he knew he had wanted her. She had the most gorgeous smile, and he remembered the very moment he looked at her. He sighed again, and knew that things didn't always work out. The only girl he'd ever had any feelings for was her, even being with Jenny didn't fill the hole in his empty heart...and at that moment, Isaac realized how truly lonely he really was.

**********

She watched him look at the stars from her small bedroom window. She gazed at the back of his body, watched him lean over the rail and look high into the night sky. She wanted to reach out and touch him, wanted to know what he felt right then and what thoughts were flying through his mind. He seemed so unreachable, so unatainable, yet he stood only seconds away from her.

Lindsay tried to look away, but knew that she couldn't. She didn't want to, she wanted to keep looking. Taylor pulled a loose strand of his hair behind his ear and looked quietly into the night. And she knew then, what she had to do.

**********

"Where are you going?" A voice startled Lindsay as she was opening the sliding glass door to the deck.

She turned around and looked him in the eye. "Isaac, if he's leaving tomorow, I can't let him leave when we're like this. I care about him too much."

"B-but.." Isaac stuttered, jealous of even her friend like feelings for his younger brother. "It's starting to rain.."

"Isaac..." She sighed, shaking her head at the boy. Without looking back, she stepped through the door and slid it back into place, and waited until he walked away.

Lindsay squeezed her lips together, praying silently for the strength that she needed.

"Hi." Taylor said, with out even looking her way.

"How did you know I was here?" She stood a few feet away from him, wanting him to face her. But he didn't. He looked forward and would not break his gaze.

"I always know when you're there Lindsay."

She took a deep breath. "Oh yeah. I forgot how well you knew me."

"It's funny how we forget things sometimes, isn't it?" And then, he looked at her. His eyes were cold, and no longer that warm, sunshiny blue that used to be so apparent in his presence. No. They had lost that about them. Now they were icy, and had more gray than ever before. He looked solemn, even just starring at her. You could tell by looking at him that he was completley empty inside. Completley empty.

"So," she said, as raindrops began to fall lightly on her head. "What were you doing out here?"

He almost smiled, and let out a breath of air. "Why do you even ask that Lindsay?" He laughed a little. "You know what I was doing."

For a moment, she thought he was mad, but then she knew he wasn't. It was true, she knew. She knew exactly what he was doing. "So, just thinking huh?"

He turned his gaze away from her now, and nodded slightly. They were still so connected, and yet so far apart.

"Are you okay, Taylor?"

He thought about her question and rested his chin in his palm. "No." He could not give her a better answer than that.

She fought as hard as she could to fight back her tears as the rain started to pour down gently. She couldn't go on, she couldn't live until she asked him what she spoke next, and it was the hardest question she thought she'd ever have to ask. "Taylor...w-w-will you....will you ever forgive me? Will you ever stop hating me?" The tears slid down her pale cheeks, one by one and many altogether. She starred at him, with his delicate face resting in his palm and his body begining to shiver from the rain. He was unbothered by it, for he had recalled all the memories that flashed quickly through his mind of all the rainy nights they had spent together. He shut out the memories quickly, and then faced the girl.

He looked her in the eye, taking a long deep breath and holding it in. "I don't know."

Then it started to pour. Hard. She spoke the only word she could. "Why?" The memories flashed through her mind as they had to Taylors. She remembered one, in paticular, of standing out there in the rain out side of their hotel room after a fight. That was their first kiss. Their first kiss.

All of a sudden, every emotion shot up Taylors body and into his mouth. Every emotion poured through his heart, making him want to kick, scream, shout, and at the same time take her in his arms and kiss her. He didn't know if he loved her or hated her and he couldn't take it any more-he couldn't do this anymore. "BECAUSE, LINDSAY MARIE GOLDBERG, I CAN'T STAND YOU!!! YOU MADE ME WHOLE, MADE ME PERFECT. I SLEPT BETTER AT NIGHT KNOWING YOU WERE ON THIS EARTH!!! I LOVED YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL LINDSAY, I LOVED YOU SO MUCH. NOW, I FIND I CAN'T EVEN GO A WEEK WITH OUT NOT LOVING YOU. AND IT'S TRUE. I STILL LOVE YOU LINDSAY GOLDBERG, I STILL DO!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I HATE YOU. I CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU, AND I CAN'T STOP HATING YOU!!! YOU MAKE ME CRAZY, AND I HATE YOU SO MUCH EVERY TIME I SEE YOU I JUST WANT TO DO THIS!"

And his lips hit hers. He pulled her body as close as she could get to him, melting him self into her warm kiss. Tears slid down his cheeks even as he pressed his lips to hers, sliding his toungue in and out of her mouth. He knew, he had always known, that he still loved Lindsay. He couldn't deny it any more--and he couldn't break the embrace. They stood for a long while, kissing slowly in the rain, recreating the moments of their first kiss and the night before Lindsay left to Los Angeles for a few weeks. His hands slid up and down her back, wanting to feel every part of skin, wanting to touch her and know that she was real. He wanted her, he wanted her again. He'd never stop wanting her.

"Lindsay?" It was Isaac. She couldn't believe it was Isaac. He was in the doorway, and he had witnessed their kiss. She held Taylors embrace, for she could not let go. Not for anybody. She looked at Isaac, not speaking a word, just letting the rain fall on her face as she kept her tiny arms close to Taylor. For the second time, she just wanted Isaac to leave. And he did. He walked back inside the house with strange look on his face and did not speak a word.

She turned her gaze then to Taylor, whos strong arms were wrapped around her waist, keeping her body close to his. "I can't stop loving you either, Taylor."