Part Four
One does not have to be an etymologist to understand how peculiar the usage of the English language can be at times. There is nary a rule to this language without its exceptions. Even some of the exceptions, have exceptions of their own. Moreover, with all of its antonyms, synonyms, homonyms, and the like, makes for easy confusion. Often adding to the confusion is the slang, the puns, the maxims, and idioms of the language, and the constant change in usage.Over time a word can change its entire meaning, and each generation seems to coin its own phrases giving words or terms an entirely new meaning. The dictionary is under constant revision to keep up with these changes. The word gentleman, is an old English word that once referred to one who was a land owner. The man could be a moral scoundrel, but if he owned land he was a gentleman. The word "let" we mean to permit, but originally it meant to withhold; the exact opposite. When something is said to be cool, in common vernacular it might not be a reference to temperature.
Adams throughout his book, seems to place an emphasis on the exact meaning of words used in a counseling situation, rather than the intended usage by the counselee. For example, when a counselee says: "I could never do that." Adams’ response is to say: "Never is a long time. Really, how long do you suppose it might take to learn?" While such a question might be necessary to prevent an excuse from the counselee, or to clarify the intended usage, I think it can also cloud the reason that phrase is used. For the counselor to focus in on the word "never", might get the counselee to agree with his misuse of the word, but will not necessarily change his mind about why he said it. The counselee might also become so careful with the wording he uses, that he won’t express the real problem.
A fictitious conversation between a city slicker, and a farmer might serve to illustrate my point. The city slicker comments: "Look at the bunch of cows." The farmer says, "Herd." The man replies, "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." says the farmer. The man says, "Of course I heard of cows." "No, no, no" says the farmer, "A cow herd!" "I don’t care what a cow heard," the city slicker says, "I have no secrets from a cow!" Adams approach to language usage in his book, might be like the farmer, who lost sight of the simple observation from the man about the number of cows.
Jay Adams says that support, sympathy, and empathy are inappropriate as counseling approaches; because they are not biblical. Adams admits there are two ways of looking at support. He states, "If by support one means encouragement to continue in following the Word of God, consolation, and the like, there can be no difficulty with the idea; there is much in the Scriptures to stimulate a pastor to engage in such activities." It is clear from that statement alone that there is a biblical standard for the use of support.
Adams continues to say, "But that is not what modern writers have in mind when they use the term." He describes what he sees as an unbiblical view in which support is given for ungodly practices. Adams’ objection is centered on the passive, and inactive meaning of support by the modernists. But it is wrong to say that support is not biblical because he takes issue with how it is misused by modernists. Some attach a passive meaning to love, when love is an active word. Does that mean that love is not biblical? I say, it is better that he would emphasize the proper meaning, than to dismiss the truth that there is one.
Support for the counselee should be like what a splint is to a broken leg. That is to offer strength during a time of weakness; and to encourage healing to take place. Of course, if a splint remains on too long after the mending has taken place, it will result in entropy, creating a dependence on that support. The fear of becoming a dependent source of support must not prevent the necessity of that support being given for as long as it is needed.
Does counseling always have to cause change? Is not bringing about a change for the better the purpose for counseling? Is not the counselee coming for the purpose of making a change in their life? The counselor must seek to motivate, and help the counselee set methods for change into motion, but he can not make the client change. The change has to come from the heart of the counselee.
Only a change of heart in a person will be a lasting change. The counselor must be careful he is not just establishing changes in outward behavior. Anyone can respond to rules, and outward disciplines of behavior for a time, but the nature of a man will determine the heart of a man. "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." (Prov. 23:7). It is only God who can change the nature of a man, thereby changing the heart of a man, and the fruit the man bears. We are told, "By their fruits ye shall know them." You would not expect to get apples from a pear tree. You can tie apples onto the pear tree, and it may look like an apple tree; but it will remain a pear tree with apples tied on. Likewise, a person can discipline themselves and "tie on" the Fruit of the Spirit, and appear for a time to be of a different nature.
Adams does not see listening as a function of the role of a counselor, but sometimes a counselor can be to "clinical" in their counseling. We cannot always expect to have all the answers. Neither should the counselor always expect an answer is needed. Sometimes just being there; being a presence; being a consoling ear; can have a great healing effect.
Many people are lonely, and don’t have anyone that will listen to them, they need to know someone cares enough to listen. A counselor that does not care enough to listen, will not be listened to. It has been wisely said: "A person does not care how much you know, until they know how much you care." Sometimes a counselee; by talking problems out with another person; will see for themselves the path they must take. How often are the answers to our problems locked inside ourselves? The presence of the counselor can provide that "sounding board" on which the counselee can work out their own solutions if the counselor has a listening ear. A burden that is shared is halved; a joy that is shared is doubled! This will not be experienced if the counselor does not listen.
However, it will not end with just listening alone. Most often the counselor will need to provide a biblical path for the counselee to follow. The vast majority of people (even Christians) are ignorant of biblical solutions to their problems. If they knew, they would not need to see a counselor in the first place. The counselor has the unique opportunity to truly affect the outcome of a counselee’s direction. Because of training, and experience, and familiarity with the nature of man, and the character of God, the counselor can offer insight not otherwise known. Once this counsel is given, and the direction for change is agreed upon, the counselor’s presence can be a responsibility of accountability to the counselee. When a counselee has to answer to the counselor about whether they have followed the directions they were given, they are more apt to follow through with their assignment.
God has purposed each of our relationships with others like different parts of the body. No one is asked to go it alone. Each member has a function for the good of the whole body. The counselor’s role plays an important part in the well being of the body; both corporately, and individually. Healthy minded individuals, strong in their faith, and commitment, to walk in obedience to the Lord, will make for a healthy, strong corporate body. The wise counselor will be a willing instrument, submitted to the Holy Spirit, useful for such a purpose.
AMEN.
