1= The story is ok
2= The story is well.. good
3= The story is great!
4= The story is really great
5= The story is SOOOO KEWL!
6= The story is perfect
Why June gave this rating:
First, I'd just like to point out how you used your own unique style of writing. A good writer knows that everyone has their own style and in order to write a good story, one must use that personal special style.
I think you did a good job of portraying the characters, execpt I did notice how James seemed a little more.. masculen. Ok, ok, nobodys perfect.
Another thing. Your story at times can be a bit.. well rushed. See, you did this thing that my teacher is always ranting about. She says you must "show not tell". So when you talked about the trees in that scene, it seemed rushed because you didn't "show", you "told". For example, instead of saying "It was so pretty" you might want to wander into a little more depth by *showing* that scene a bit more.
The other problem: it seems to be too tragic to be true. Heck, people are dying left to right and I really think it doesn't tie in smoothly enough for readers to belive.