=-STinG In Da nWo BLacK WHiTe-=
Sting, and Black & White productions, present:
The Return of the Old Gimmick
By "Mr. Monday Morning" Adam Kirk
(int. The Black & White dressing room.)
As the camera comes into focus, we see Stevie Ray and Vince standing
in the middle of the room, arguing about “who’s da boss”. BrianAdams
is standing in front of a mirror, carefully shaving his sideburns.
Horace is sitting on the sofa, reading Mad magazine. Scott Norton is
standing in the corner, sentient, his only movement being to blink.
Suddenly, the man they call Sting stands in the doorway, baseball bat
in hand. He says nothing, and surveys the scene in front of him.
Stevie Ray spots Sting in the doorway, behind Vince’s head.
Stevie Ray: Holy shit!
Vince: Hey! You look at me when I’m talking to you! I’m the boss!
Stevie Ray: What? Shut your mouth you idiot, look behind you!
Vince: Oh no, I ain’t gettin’ slapjacked again!
Brian Adams turns to see what all the commotion is, sees Sting in the
doorway, and drops his razor, cutting himself in the process.
Adams: Oww! What the hell is he doing here?
Vince turns around, sees Sting and faints.
Stevie Ray: What a moron. (Turning to Sting) What the hell do you want?
Sting makes no reply.
Stevie Ray: Norton! Sick him! And put down that damn magazine Horace,
we’ve got an intruder!
Horace puts down the magazine and peers over the top of his shades
Horace: Don’t worry, I’m Hollywood’s nephew. Hollywood’ll sortthings
out.Horace goes back to reading the magazine. Meanwhile Norton hasn’t moved.
A wild look comes over Stevie Ray’s face.
Stevie Ray: Screw Hollywood! He don’t give a shit about you! I know
for a fact that he wrote you out of his will after he won the Title again.
Horace drops the magazine. A look of surprise comes over his face.
Horace: Say what? Nah, Hollywood wouldn’t do that. I’m hisfavourite
relation.Stevie Ray: Wake up you jackass! The only reason he brought you into
this deal is to show that he’s not a completely isolated old geezer
with nothing to do outside of wrestling! And will you please sick him Norton?!
Norton doesn’t move. Meanwhile Adams has come across and stands by
Stevie Ray’s side, dabbing his face with a piece of toilet paper.
Adams: It’s true you know. There were all these rumours flying around
about Hogan and Bischoff, and how nobody ever saw Hogan away from the
arenas without Bischoff at his side. So he decided to show the world
that he had people he was related to outside of wrestling. They were
going to use his sister as Goldberg’s valet, but she’s allergic to
the smoke from his pyro.
Horace takes off his shades and stands up, revealing he is still
wearing his wrestling tights.
Stevie Ray: Don’t you ever take those damn things off?
Horace: Why? They’re really comfortable, and multi-functional too.
Adams and Stevie Ray look at each other, then turn back to Horace.
Horace: Forget the tights! It’s time to give do some good old-
fashioned butt-kissing, and get myself back in that will.
Horace starts to move towards the door, and spots Sting. Sting is
struggling not to laugh.Horace: Holy crap! Where did he come from?
Adams and Stevie Ray both roll their eyes. Sting shakes off his
laughter, and lifts up his baseball bat. He points it at the fallen
Vince. A cloud of smoke surrounds Vince, and when it clears he’s
awake, stranding next to Stevie Ray, dressed in a limo driver’s
outfit. Stevie Ray’s eyes snap wide open.Stevie Ray: WHAT THE FUCK?
Vince: What the…? What am I doing here? Where’s the limo? Who areyou
people? Aww, Mr. Dibiase’s gonna be so mad!
Vince runs out of the dressing room towards the parking lot.
Stevie Ray, Adams and Horace: WOOHOO!All three high-five.
Adams: Wow! Now that the old Sting’s back, he gave Vince his old
gimmick back too, because he realises that with his old gimmick he’ll
look out of touch in the current roster!
Stevie Ray: I don’t care, whatever, I’m just glad you got rid ofthat
idiot Vince. Now I am the undisputed leader of the Black & White.
I’ll even let you join! How about it?
Stevie Ray extends his hand towards Sting. Sting raises his bat
towards Stevie Ray. A look of horror crosses Stevie Ray’s face.
Stevie Ray: Nooooo! Not the Harlem Heat again! I’m over with the
crowd! I’m overrrrrrrrr!!!!!
A cloud of smoke surrounds Stevie Ray, as his pleas are drowned out.
When the cloud dissipates, Stevie Ray is standing in his old Harlem Heat outfit.
Stevie Ray: Wassup sucka? We gonna raise some hell now! It’s on 110-
street style! Raise the roof!
Stevie Ray runs out of the room pushing the imaginary ceiling with
his hands, chanting “Raise the roof! Raise the roof!” headedtowards
Booker T’s dressing room.Adams: Ohmygod.
Horace shakes his head, and strides up to Sting.
Horace: Now you better listen up. You bring Stevie Ray back as he was
right now, or I’ll put the damn H-Bomb on you. Then I’ll get
Hollywood on ya, then you’ll be in trouble!
A violent look comes across Sting’s face at the mention of Hollywood.
He begins to lift the bat towards Horace. Horace begins to back off.
Horace: Heh. Yo, I was just kidding, man. You can keep Stevie Ray.
Just leave the rest of us alone, ok? Leave us alone…or I’ll get
Hollywood on ya! Oh, shit.
Sting points the baseball bat at Horace. The cloud of smoke appears
round Horace. When it clears, Horace is standing next to Adams
wearing a McDonalds uniform.
Horace: Can I take your order please? Wait, where’s the deep fryer
gone? And the milkshake maker? Where’s Jimmy? Jimmy? What’s goingon
here? Is this the drive-thru centre? What’s going on?
Horace stumbles out of the room, mumbling confusedly to himself.
Sting looks at Horace leave, half confused himself. Meanwhile Adams
dives behind the sofa.Adams: You’ll never change me back! Never!
Adams starts picking up fruit and throwing it at Sting. Sting ducks
out of the way, then picks up a stray pineapple. He touches it with
the bat, then throws it in front of Adams. Adams holds his head and
starts shaking frantically.
Adams: No! Can’t… help… it! Must… crush… pineapple!Champion…
pineapple… crusher… from Cona Hawaii! Agggghhhhhh!!!!
Adams picks up the pineapple and begins to squeeze it. Plumes of
smoke begin to pour out of the pineapple, and envelop Adams. When the
smoke clears, Adams’ lowlights have left his hair, his sideburns have
disappeared, and he’s dressed in purple, orange and yellow. The
pineapple bursts.Adams: Ahh! Satisfying!
Suddenly, Eric Bischoff, dressed as a clown to promote Nitro’s new
‘fun for all the family’ tag, walks past the door. Adams sees him.
Adams: Agggghhhhh! Clowns! I HATE clowns! Dieeeee!!!!
Adams runs out of the room. Bischoff is heard yelling out in
surprise, and footsteps are heard disappearing into the distance.
Sting looks on, puzzled. He then turns to face Norton, who still
hasn’t moved. A look of bewilderment crosses Sting’s face. He then
shrugs his shoulders, and points the bat at Norton. Smoke envelops
Norton, and then clears. He is exactly the same. Sting stares at
Norton, then at the bat. He points it at Norton again, and again the
smoke surrounds Norton. Again it clears, and Norton is unchanged.
Sting frowns, then walks towards Norton. He pauses when he is about 5
metres away, and there is no reaction. He then walks up closer and
bashes Norton over the head with the bat. The bat breaks in half, and
Norton begins to tremble. Sting steps back in anticipation. Norton
continues to vibrate, then burps. Sting gives him a look not
dissimilar to the People’s Eyebrow. He looks at the ruins of the bat
on the ground and then pulls out another, slightly different, bat. He
points this one at the doorway. Suddenly, Earnest Miller appears in
the doorway, a bemused look on his face. Norton’s eyes snap across to
look at Miller.Miller: Hey, what the hell gives?
Miller turns to see Norton and Sting in the dressing-room.
Miller: Ah-ha! I knew you’d be involved in this Norton! Plotting
together with Sting, huh? Well, let me tell you both something- I am
the greatest, and I don’t care how many of you there are, put me back
where I was! I’m a 3-time karate champ! Don’t make me come in there
and whoop you, son!
Norton suddenly snaps into action, yells loudly, and charges at
Miller. Miller gives a muted yelp, turns and runs down the corridor
as fast as he can, Norton in pursuit.
Sting shakes his head wearily, looks around the dressing-room, gives
a satisfies nod, and walks out in search of Konnan.
