A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanging; it is the skin of living thought and changes from day to day as does the air around us. -Oliver Wendell Holmes.
THE TRADITION OF SLANGFrom MW DictionarySwing Jive Of The 1930s
Swing music is popular once again! The first wave of jive to crest across popular youth culture was the vocabulary of swing music itself. The tendency of jazz musicians to describe their craft was quickly adopted by young swing fans, known as cats or alligators (probably derived from gate, the traditional term of address exchanged by jazz musicians). Gobsticks, gitters and doghouses: 1930's jazz slang for musical instruments A tin ear did not like music. Instruments were rarely called by their standard names. A clarinet was a gob stick, a string bass was a doghouse, a tram was a trombone, an iron horn a cornet, a guinea's harp, gitbox, or gitter was a guitar, a groanbox was an accordion, a wood pile was a xylophone, drums were skins, a saxophone was a gobble-pipe. There were two basic schools of jazz, sweet (conventional) or hot (swing). On the sweet side of the spectrum were corn (old-fashioned jazz), the long underwear gang (a sweet band), salon (restrained jazz), lollypop (cloying, sweet jazz) and schmaltz (overly sentimental music). On the hot side of the scales was clam-bake (wild swing), dillinger (very hot swing), gut-bucket (lowdown blues), barrel-house (free and easy jamming, or improvising), and in the center collegiate (extremely slow swing). Musicians (all of whom except the band leader were sidemen) were known in large part by their instruments, such as skin-tickler for drummer, squeaker for violinist, whanger for guitarist, or lip-splitter for any wood instrumentalist. A female singer was a canary; a paperman was a musician who could only perform using written music, and to fake was to play by ear. The techniques of swing were all described in slang terms known to most fans. The basics of music were covered by slang--spots were notes, lay-outs were rests, frisking the whiskers or licking the chops was warming up, to jam was to play without any arrangement, to woodshed was to work out and practice a new song in private, to improvise was to kick out, and a musical embellishment in an improvisation was a break, get-off, lick, riff, or take-off. To play with vigor and inspiration was to be in the groove, break it down, get hot, give it a ride, go to town, send, swing out. A hot passage or performance was a solid sender that would chill ya. Play louder? Wang it! Pick up the beat? Quit mugging light and mug heavy! After a gang (a medley of songs), the song worked into its sock chorus (final chorus of an arrangement), perhaps ending by easing it in (a soft finish).BIKER SLANGWebsters and the Oxford dictionaries, as helpful as they are, do not define every known word or expression in the English language, nor do they make that claim. Hundreds upon hundreds of special dictionaries and glossaries help define the plethora of mini-worlds that exist within our society. Doctors ["medicalese], lawyers ["legalese"], and computer lingo are simply the obvious ones, but it's interesting to have a look at some of the lesser known words, the expressions used daily by those who belong to other linguistic communities. So, let's, for example, take a look at biker slang. The following words and phrases came about in the very same way our more "universal" language developed - groups and individuals assign a name or word or phrase to an activity, a part, a behavior, and so on; others begin to use the same words; the words become widely understood and accepted and may ultimately become accepted as valid entries in a standard dictionary. Thus, language is constantly in flux, ever changing - adding new words and dropping the obsolete and archaic. The following is a small sampling of words compiled by Harley Davidson enthusiasts. Note the popularity of acronyms and regional usage.Protein Facial = What you get on the highway without a windshield Poser = A wannabe Biker (i.e. Shiny new leather) Pucker Factor = refers to how tight your ass got on a close call Rainbows = Oil on the street Rainbows in the Mountains = when angry locals in the mountains put diesel fuel in the corners in an effort to stop sports bikes street fighting Ridin' Bitch = riding as Passenger, usually applied to a male in that position. Road Gator = 18-wheel Tire Pieces Road Rash = A Wipeout that scrapes off some of your skin Scooter Trash = Any Biker "Showed Him My Wheel" = Riding behind someone so close that he saw your wheel beside him. Slabbing it = taking the Interstate Highway SMF = Slow Mother F%^&er SIPDE = An MSF term used to help you remember what to do when making judgments in traffic: Scan, Identify, Predict, Decide, Execute SO = Significant Other (usually refers to someone's wife or husband) Squid = Inexperienced newcomer, someone trying to ride beyond his skill level with arms flailing (like a squid) to try not to fall. This may be just a Southern term, submitted by Cha in Atlanta. Squid (#2)= Stupidly Quick, Underdressed, Imminently Dead Squid (#3) = Any SportBike Rider - seems this term got twisted along the way and has many meanings. Squid (#4) = sportbike riders who wear tennis shoes or flip flops, shorts, tshirts, etc. on their nice shiny new sport bikes. Squid (#5) = Comes from 2 words-squirrely & kid defined as: anyone that rides without all proper gear , rides recklessly, or rides beyond their limits. Stoppie = Aviation of the rear wheel in an effort to stop quickly T-CLOCK = Term used to help remember your Pre-Ride inspection: Tires, Controls, Lights (and electronics), Oils, Chassis (and chain) and Kickstand (make sure it's up) Tar Snake = An uneven, slippery patch in a road crack The Ton = 100MPH Tuck = Crouched aerodynamically best riding position used to decrease drag and increase speed Twisting The Wick = Speeding up, Roll on the throttle. Twisties = Section of road with a lot of turns T.W.O = Two Wheels Only, anyone who ONLY rides a bike (no Cage!) Urban Tumbleweed = "Those damn plastic grocery sacks that either fly up onto a hot exhaust or into your face" Old time diners, too, had their own special language. There have been plenty of television shows and movies where a customer is in an old diner and he orders something like a ham sandwich and the waitress yells to the cook 'Dress one pig.' These calls, which have all but died in real eating establishments, actually got their start in soda fountains and from there moved to diners. 'Java', Maybelle, please, and I don't mean a computer language to be invented 40 years into the future:-) The oldest recorded instance of a soda fountain call is attributed to preacher/orator Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887). He enjoyed witnessing the resourcefulness of soda dispensers, and on one occasion decided to put one of these dispensers to a test. Mr. Beecher ordered two eggs on toast. The dispenser called to the cook with 'Adam and Eve on a raft.' Mr. Beecher then quickly asked to have the eggs scrambled, and without hesitation the dispenser shouted 'and wreck 'em.'Adam and Eve on a raft and kill two pigs, mmmm! There seems to be several reasons for the use of these calls. The main reason had to do with shortening the time to place an order, and more importantly to help remember orders. It's human nature to remember things that are kind of funny, and most of these calls are amusing. Another reason had to do with protecting the feelings of the customers. If a customer quietly ordered a dose of citrate of magnesia, they probably would not appreciate a soda jerk announcing this to the rest of the patrons, so the discreet call of 'Mary Garden' would be used instead. Another use of these calls would be to alert co-workers to certain situations without announcing the situation to the customers. A call of 'Ninety-five' would be an alert to co-workers that a customer is walking out without paying his bill. Likewise, a call of 'Fix the pumps' would let co-workers know to check out the girl with the large breasts! Some of the owners of soda fountains (and diner's) liked the use of these calls as they provided many benefits and they provided a little color to the common place. Other owners did not want their employees to use the calls, particularly as some of their employees began to use colorful terms like 'Dog and maggot' for crackers and cheese. By the mid-1930's the use of these calls were on the wane. This coincided with the small drug stores, and diners that contained the soda fountains being purchased by the larger chains. The large chains felt that the use of these calls were unprofessional. Fortunately, there were two articles written that have recorded many of these calls for prosperity. "Linguistic Concoctions of the Soda Jerker" was an article written in 1935 for American Speech by Harold W. Bentley. The expressions he recorded were from a large variety of soda fountains in the New York City area. Michael Owen Jones wrote the article "Soda-Fountain, Restaurant, and Tavern Calls" for Indiana University. For this article he had interviewed Paul Sinclair who had worked as a waiter for the Jayhawk Cafe, of Lawrence, Kansas, before WWII, and was the owner of the Jayhawk from 1946 to 1964. The calls used at the Jayhawk were in use from about 1937 (possibly earlier) to 1964 when Mr. Sinclair sold the cafe and the calls came to an end. Many of the expressions that were used in one soda fountain would also be used in other soda fountains across the country. However, this was not always the case. Some calls occasionally had different meanings in different soda fountains, and it was common for a single item to have several expressions. 'Black and White' might have been a 'coffee with cream' in one place, and a 'chocolate malted milk' in another. Furthermore, a hot chocolate might be a 'Lacey Cup' in one soda fountain, and a 'Snow Shoe' in another. Regular customers also became acclimated to the calls and often started using them, thus helping to perpetuate them. They could also effect a change in the calls. For instance, 'eighty-one' was the traditional call for a glass of water. Since a glass of water was one of the first things a waiter would provide a customer, as soon as a customer came into the soda fountain, a call of 'eighty-one' would go out. The customer mistook this call to mean 'a customer needed service' and that was how they started using the call (they would sit down and yell out 'eighty-one'). Lastly, the calls were not limited to just the items ordered. There were also calls for the number of items in the order, the size of items ordered, special instructions, and miscellaneous calls. When all these calls where put together an order would be formed. As an example "burn a crowd of van." Burn is a malted milk shake and it is assumed to be chocolate. A crowd is three, as in three's a crowd. Van is vanilla. So burn a crowd of van is "Three vanilla malted milk shakes."'Sundae van, please' The structure of the calls was generally in the order of the item, the number of items, the size, any special instructions, and miscellaneous. However, considerations of brevity and clarity often determined the way in which separate items were united into a complete call; thus, a small glass of Coca-Cola is 'shoot one' and lemon flavor is 'to the left', but for a lemon flavored Coke, the call is 'shoot a left'. It was also assumed that shakes and malts are chocolate flavored, Cokes are plain, and coffee is with cream. These calls are rare now, but still remain in long-time popular diners or small luncheon bars where the clientele are often 'regulars' and the atmosphere relaxed. If you know of one, you are enjoying a treat many, especially younger, people today have never tasted! CYBERSPEAK: Language Is A Lockpick - Intro by MOE It can no longer be ignored. Were you ignoring it? The language of high technology, especially in the heady areas of computers and internet, is used everywhere now, not just by the so-called nerds. Indeed, the following essay by a self-professed cyberpunk, who goes by the unlikely moniker of "Strafe Narkette", reveals the prevailing attitude by those who "talk the talk". I believe we can learn much from Strafe and his ilk. Here, he defines the word and the philosophy of "cyberpunk" and he has some interesting comments on language itself as well. If information is power, then language is the conduit of that power; language can harness and direct the matrix of information. Talk about a double whammy! Evil Eye Fleegle, eat your heart out. [See page one under "whammy", Some Previous Definitions, if you are confused]. [Definition of] "Cyberpunk" by Strafe Narkette. Poetic, efficient and romantic. Distance and passion, machine and man. Great f------ word. It's been used to describe music, lifestyles and artistic sensibilities, but was originally coined to identify one narrow school of science-fiction writers, most notably William Gibson. Which is kinda funny when you consider that he knocked out Neuromancer on a typewriter, didn't know jack or jill about technology at the time, and probably used the profits from the book to buy his first leather jacket---but God, it was a good word... Trouble is, the flatlines and mundanes grab on to a handle, (and that's what words are: handles on ideas) then forget what the handle is connected to. Soon, anything that ran on more than an AA battery had the prefix "cyber" sloshed across it like cat piss. But what does "cyberpunk" really mean? It means Technology and Attitude. We don't all listen to music that sounds like a botched tracheotomy growling along with the spin cycle, and we don't all have large hunks of metal punched through our flesh, but there are what you might call some general rules of engagement. Cyberpunks love technology, number one, with a passion that many reserve for drugs. And while confident enough to be kind in most cases, the average Jane Smith Cyberchick is more than able to f--- you over royally if you give her any s---. That chunky thing on her belt probably is a telephone butt-in rig; that scary-looking scope on her pool cue probably is a laser sight. And if you really doubt her leather jacket contains some bizarro kind of weapon, your education might be in for some Ivy-League broadening before the sun sets. Cyberpunks aren't sexist, racist, or even ethnocentric. They're equal-opportunity snubbers. They're better than everybody, flat-bang, and they have ways of reminding the forgetful. Remember the last time your company fired an employee, and the next day every single computer in your office was running an incomprehensible Japanese operating system that your MIS geek couldn't get rid of without taking the drives down to the metal? That was one of us. Cyberpunk means better living through technology---and, unfortunately, sometimes things like revenge, spite and violence are part of life. Your average 'punks are aloof sorts, and if you absolutely force them into a meatspace confrontation you can count on the only rule being instant, maximum violence. No warning shots; a cyberpunk on the ropes goes nuclear, straight off. It's not a scruples thing, It's just faster, more convenient, and better style. You should even leave the gentle, geeky-looking ones alone; you have to wonder; if that four-eyed longhair is out-there enough to be sporting a Star Trek communicator on one side of his belt and an unregistered, ramped-up, air-propelled laser gun on the other, is this really someone you want to irritate? Logic! People who talk about cyberpunks usually fall into one of two categories, and they're weird categories: Some don't believe in us. Some believe, and have a sort of excessive and unhealthy interest. The ones who don't believe in us---who think we're living out some kind of fantasy like kids wearing towels and playing Batman---are easy to fool, and that's good. The ones who have an excessive and unhealthy interest are even easier to fool, and that's just beautiful. Should it bother me that some mower thinks he understands me because he's seen pathetic films like Hackers? Not a chance. Should I worry because the tie that runs the company I work for has no idea how I keep his network going? Nope. In fact, the less they know about me, the better. Let 'em think I'm breaking into the Pentagon for kicks. Let 'em lie awake at night wondering if the punk-ass kid on the corner is going to steal their credit cards with a laptop and 28.8 modem. In the meantime, keep 'em guessing. Know the lingo, talk the talk. You can TCB without breaking a sweat or giving away your agenda. Drop a macro into a sentence and communicate fractal waves of meaning. Two words and your partner knows that what you guys are doing would probably be best kept quiet. With a quick phrase, he tells you that it's too late, they already know, and you might have said something sooner, dipshit. And the whole exchange happens right in front of someone who is unaware the conversation was more than a simple greeting. I know information is power. I know the street has its own use for things. I know there ain't much you can't solve, given enough f------ RAM. I know the power of words. Language is a tool. Most often it's a radio; sometimes it's a gun. Sometimes---and this is really the point I've been driving at---it's a lockpick, a handy way into rooms you aren't meant to see, corridors you aren't meant to tread. If you're up on the talk, the walk and the rules, you can play the game; you can even pick the game; and you can---if necessary---pick your friends' locks. The game gets nasty sometimes, and there are ultimately two choices---get busy winning or get busy losing. Check, flatline---your move. HUMOROUS ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. They have been floating anonymously around the net as long as I can remember but in case you have missed them, you're in for a treat! One has to give the writers an 'E' for Effort. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. On the menu of a Polish hotel:Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man. In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases. In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here. In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: - English well talking. - Here speeching American.
Gobsticks, gitters and doghouses: 1930's jazz slang for musical instruments A tin ear did not like music. Instruments were rarely called by their standard names. A clarinet was a gob stick, a string bass was a doghouse, a tram was a trombone, an iron horn a cornet, a guinea's harp, gitbox, or gitter was a guitar, a groanbox was an accordion, a wood pile was a xylophone, drums were skins, a saxophone was a gobble-pipe. There were two basic schools of jazz, sweet (conventional) or hot (swing). On the sweet side of the spectrum were corn (old-fashioned jazz), the long underwear gang (a sweet band), salon (restrained jazz), lollypop (cloying, sweet jazz) and schmaltz (overly sentimental music). On the hot side of the scales was clam-bake (wild swing), dillinger (very hot swing), gut-bucket (lowdown blues), barrel-house (free and easy jamming, or improvising), and in the center collegiate (extremely slow swing). Musicians (all of whom except the band leader were sidemen) were known in large part by their instruments, such as skin-tickler for drummer, squeaker for violinist, whanger for guitarist, or lip-splitter for any wood instrumentalist. A female singer was a canary; a paperman was a musician who could only perform using written music, and to fake was to play by ear. The techniques of swing were all described in slang terms known to most fans. The basics of music were covered by slang--spots were notes, lay-outs were rests, frisking the whiskers or licking the chops was warming up, to jam was to play without any arrangement, to woodshed was to work out and practice a new song in private, to improvise was to kick out, and a musical embellishment in an improvisation was a break, get-off, lick, riff, or take-off. To play with vigor and inspiration was to be in the groove, break it down, get hot, give it a ride, go to town, send, swing out. A hot passage or performance was a solid sender that would chill ya. Play louder? Wang it! Pick up the beat? Quit mugging light and mug heavy! After a gang (a medley of songs), the song worked into its sock chorus (final chorus of an arrangement), perhaps ending by easing it in (a soft finish).BIKER SLANGWebsters and the Oxford dictionaries, as helpful as they are, do not define every known word or expression in the English language, nor do they make that claim. Hundreds upon hundreds of special dictionaries and glossaries help define the plethora of mini-worlds that exist within our society. Doctors ["medicalese], lawyers ["legalese"], and computer lingo are simply the obvious ones, but it's interesting to have a look at some of the lesser known words, the expressions used daily by those who belong to other linguistic communities. So, let's, for example, take a look at biker slang. The following words and phrases came about in the very same way our more "universal" language developed - groups and individuals assign a name or word or phrase to an activity, a part, a behavior, and so on; others begin to use the same words; the words become widely understood and accepted and may ultimately become accepted as valid entries in a standard dictionary. Thus, language is constantly in flux, ever changing - adding new words and dropping the obsolete and archaic. The following is a small sampling of words compiled by Harley Davidson enthusiasts. Note the popularity of acronyms and regional usage.Protein Facial = What you get on the highway without a windshield Poser = A wannabe Biker (i.e. Shiny new leather) Pucker Factor = refers to how tight your ass got on a close call Rainbows = Oil on the street Rainbows in the Mountains = when angry locals in the mountains put diesel fuel in the corners in an effort to stop sports bikes street fighting Ridin' Bitch = riding as Passenger, usually applied to a male in that position. Road Gator = 18-wheel Tire Pieces Road Rash = A Wipeout that scrapes off some of your skin Scooter Trash = Any Biker "Showed Him My Wheel" = Riding behind someone so close that he saw your wheel beside him. Slabbing it = taking the Interstate Highway SMF = Slow Mother F%^&er SIPDE = An MSF term used to help you remember what to do when making judgments in traffic: Scan, Identify, Predict, Decide, Execute SO = Significant Other (usually refers to someone's wife or husband) Squid = Inexperienced newcomer, someone trying to ride beyond his skill level with arms flailing (like a squid) to try not to fall. This may be just a Southern term, submitted by Cha in Atlanta. Squid (#2)= Stupidly Quick, Underdressed, Imminently Dead Squid (#3) = Any SportBike Rider - seems this term got twisted along the way and has many meanings. Squid (#4) = sportbike riders who wear tennis shoes or flip flops, shorts, tshirts, etc. on their nice shiny new sport bikes. Squid (#5) = Comes from 2 words-squirrely & kid defined as: anyone that rides without all proper gear , rides recklessly, or rides beyond their limits. Stoppie = Aviation of the rear wheel in an effort to stop quickly T-CLOCK = Term used to help remember your Pre-Ride inspection: Tires, Controls, Lights (and electronics), Oils, Chassis (and chain) and Kickstand (make sure it's up) Tar Snake = An uneven, slippery patch in a road crack The Ton = 100MPH Tuck = Crouched aerodynamically best riding position used to decrease drag and increase speed Twisting The Wick = Speeding up, Roll on the throttle. Twisties = Section of road with a lot of turns T.W.O = Two Wheels Only, anyone who ONLY rides a bike (no Cage!) Urban Tumbleweed = "Those damn plastic grocery sacks that either fly up onto a hot exhaust or into your face" Old time diners, too, had their own special language. There have been plenty of television shows and movies where a customer is in an old diner and he orders something like a ham sandwich and the waitress yells to the cook 'Dress one pig.' These calls, which have all but died in real eating establishments, actually got their start in soda fountains and from there moved to diners. 'Java', Maybelle, please, and I don't mean a computer language to be invented 40 years into the future:-) The oldest recorded instance of a soda fountain call is attributed to preacher/orator Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887). He enjoyed witnessing the resourcefulness of soda dispensers, and on one occasion decided to put one of these dispensers to a test. Mr. Beecher ordered two eggs on toast. The dispenser called to the cook with 'Adam and Eve on a raft.' Mr. Beecher then quickly asked to have the eggs scrambled, and without hesitation the dispenser shouted 'and wreck 'em.'Adam and Eve on a raft and kill two pigs, mmmm! There seems to be several reasons for the use of these calls. The main reason had to do with shortening the time to place an order, and more importantly to help remember orders. It's human nature to remember things that are kind of funny, and most of these calls are amusing. Another reason had to do with protecting the feelings of the customers. If a customer quietly ordered a dose of citrate of magnesia, they probably would not appreciate a soda jerk announcing this to the rest of the patrons, so the discreet call of 'Mary Garden' would be used instead. Another use of these calls would be to alert co-workers to certain situations without announcing the situation to the customers. A call of 'Ninety-five' would be an alert to co-workers that a customer is walking out without paying his bill. Likewise, a call of 'Fix the pumps' would let co-workers know to check out the girl with the large breasts! Some of the owners of soda fountains (and diner's) liked the use of these calls as they provided many benefits and they provided a little color to the common place. Other owners did not want their employees to use the calls, particularly as some of their employees began to use colorful terms like 'Dog and maggot' for crackers and cheese. By the mid-1930's the use of these calls were on the wane. This coincided with the small drug stores, and diners that contained the soda fountains being purchased by the larger chains. The large chains felt that the use of these calls were unprofessional. Fortunately, there were two articles written that have recorded many of these calls for prosperity. "Linguistic Concoctions of the Soda Jerker" was an article written in 1935 for American Speech by Harold W. Bentley. The expressions he recorded were from a large variety of soda fountains in the New York City area. Michael Owen Jones wrote the article "Soda-Fountain, Restaurant, and Tavern Calls" for Indiana University. For this article he had interviewed Paul Sinclair who had worked as a waiter for the Jayhawk Cafe, of Lawrence, Kansas, before WWII, and was the owner of the Jayhawk from 1946 to 1964. The calls used at the Jayhawk were in use from about 1937 (possibly earlier) to 1964 when Mr. Sinclair sold the cafe and the calls came to an end. Many of the expressions that were used in one soda fountain would also be used in other soda fountains across the country. However, this was not always the case. Some calls occasionally had different meanings in different soda fountains, and it was common for a single item to have several expressions. 'Black and White' might have been a 'coffee with cream' in one place, and a 'chocolate malted milk' in another. Furthermore, a hot chocolate might be a 'Lacey Cup' in one soda fountain, and a 'Snow Shoe' in another. Regular customers also became acclimated to the calls and often started using them, thus helping to perpetuate them. They could also effect a change in the calls. For instance, 'eighty-one' was the traditional call for a glass of water. Since a glass of water was one of the first things a waiter would provide a customer, as soon as a customer came into the soda fountain, a call of 'eighty-one' would go out. The customer mistook this call to mean 'a customer needed service' and that was how they started using the call (they would sit down and yell out 'eighty-one'). Lastly, the calls were not limited to just the items ordered. There were also calls for the number of items in the order, the size of items ordered, special instructions, and miscellaneous calls. When all these calls where put together an order would be formed. As an example "burn a crowd of van." Burn is a malted milk shake and it is assumed to be chocolate. A crowd is three, as in three's a crowd. Van is vanilla. So burn a crowd of van is "Three vanilla malted milk shakes."'Sundae van, please' The structure of the calls was generally in the order of the item, the number of items, the size, any special instructions, and miscellaneous. However, considerations of brevity and clarity often determined the way in which separate items were united into a complete call; thus, a small glass of Coca-Cola is 'shoot one' and lemon flavor is 'to the left', but for a lemon flavored Coke, the call is 'shoot a left'. It was also assumed that shakes and malts are chocolate flavored, Cokes are plain, and coffee is with cream. These calls are rare now, but still remain in long-time popular diners or small luncheon bars where the clientele are often 'regulars' and the atmosphere relaxed. If you know of one, you are enjoying a treat many, especially younger, people today have never tasted! CYBERSPEAK: Language Is A Lockpick - Intro by MOE It can no longer be ignored. Were you ignoring it? The language of high technology, especially in the heady areas of computers and internet, is used everywhere now, not just by the so-called nerds. Indeed, the following essay by a self-professed cyberpunk, who goes by the unlikely moniker of "Strafe Narkette", reveals the prevailing attitude by those who "talk the talk". I believe we can learn much from Strafe and his ilk. Here, he defines the word and the philosophy of "cyberpunk" and he has some interesting comments on language itself as well. If information is power, then language is the conduit of that power; language can harness and direct the matrix of information. Talk about a double whammy! Evil Eye Fleegle, eat your heart out. [See page one under "whammy", Some Previous Definitions, if you are confused]. [Definition of] "Cyberpunk" by Strafe Narkette. Poetic, efficient and romantic. Distance and passion, machine and man. Great f------ word. It's been used to describe music, lifestyles and artistic sensibilities, but was originally coined to identify one narrow school of science-fiction writers, most notably William Gibson. Which is kinda funny when you consider that he knocked out Neuromancer on a typewriter, didn't know jack or jill about technology at the time, and probably used the profits from the book to buy his first leather jacket---but God, it was a good word... Trouble is, the flatlines and mundanes grab on to a handle, (and that's what words are: handles on ideas) then forget what the handle is connected to. Soon, anything that ran on more than an AA battery had the prefix "cyber" sloshed across it like cat piss. But what does "cyberpunk" really mean? It means Technology and Attitude. We don't all listen to music that sounds like a botched tracheotomy growling along with the spin cycle, and we don't all have large hunks of metal punched through our flesh, but there are what you might call some general rules of engagement. Cyberpunks love technology, number one, with a passion that many reserve for drugs. And while confident enough to be kind in most cases, the average Jane Smith Cyberchick is more than able to f--- you over royally if you give her any s---. That chunky thing on her belt probably is a telephone butt-in rig; that scary-looking scope on her pool cue probably is a laser sight. And if you really doubt her leather jacket contains some bizarro kind of weapon, your education might be in for some Ivy-League broadening before the sun sets. Cyberpunks aren't sexist, racist, or even ethnocentric. They're equal-opportunity snubbers. They're better than everybody, flat-bang, and they have ways of reminding the forgetful. Remember the last time your company fired an employee, and the next day every single computer in your office was running an incomprehensible Japanese operating system that your MIS geek couldn't get rid of without taking the drives down to the metal? That was one of us. Cyberpunk means better living through technology---and, unfortunately, sometimes things like revenge, spite and violence are part of life. Your average 'punks are aloof sorts, and if you absolutely force them into a meatspace confrontation you can count on the only rule being instant, maximum violence. No warning shots; a cyberpunk on the ropes goes nuclear, straight off. It's not a scruples thing, It's just faster, more convenient, and better style. You should even leave the gentle, geeky-looking ones alone; you have to wonder; if that four-eyed longhair is out-there enough to be sporting a Star Trek communicator on one side of his belt and an unregistered, ramped-up, air-propelled laser gun on the other, is this really someone you want to irritate? Logic! People who talk about cyberpunks usually fall into one of two categories, and they're weird categories: Some don't believe in us. Some believe, and have a sort of excessive and unhealthy interest. The ones who don't believe in us---who think we're living out some kind of fantasy like kids wearing towels and playing Batman---are easy to fool, and that's good. The ones who have an excessive and unhealthy interest are even easier to fool, and that's just beautiful. Should it bother me that some mower thinks he understands me because he's seen pathetic films like Hackers? Not a chance. Should I worry because the tie that runs the company I work for has no idea how I keep his network going? Nope. In fact, the less they know about me, the better. Let 'em think I'm breaking into the Pentagon for kicks. Let 'em lie awake at night wondering if the punk-ass kid on the corner is going to steal their credit cards with a laptop and 28.8 modem. In the meantime, keep 'em guessing. Know the lingo, talk the talk. You can TCB without breaking a sweat or giving away your agenda. Drop a macro into a sentence and communicate fractal waves of meaning. Two words and your partner knows that what you guys are doing would probably be best kept quiet. With a quick phrase, he tells you that it's too late, they already know, and you might have said something sooner, dipshit. And the whole exchange happens right in front of someone who is unaware the conversation was more than a simple greeting. I know information is power. I know the street has its own use for things. I know there ain't much you can't solve, given enough f------ RAM. I know the power of words. Language is a tool. Most often it's a radio; sometimes it's a gun. Sometimes---and this is really the point I've been driving at---it's a lockpick, a handy way into rooms you aren't meant to see, corridors you aren't meant to tread. If you're up on the talk, the walk and the rules, you can play the game; you can even pick the game; and you can---if necessary---pick your friends' locks. The game gets nasty sometimes, and there are ultimately two choices---get busy winning or get busy losing. Check, flatline---your move. HUMOROUS ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. They have been floating anonymously around the net as long as I can remember but in case you have missed them, you're in for a treat! One has to give the writers an 'E' for Effort. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. On the menu of a Polish hotel:Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man. In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases. In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here. In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: - English well talking. - Here speeching American.
A tin ear did not like music. Instruments were rarely called by their standard names. A clarinet was a gob stick, a string bass was a doghouse, a tram was a trombone, an iron horn a cornet, a guinea's harp, gitbox, or gitter was a guitar, a groanbox was an accordion, a wood pile was a xylophone, drums were skins, a saxophone was a gobble-pipe.
There were two basic schools of jazz, sweet (conventional) or hot (swing). On the sweet side of the spectrum were corn (old-fashioned jazz), the long underwear gang (a sweet band), salon (restrained jazz), lollypop (cloying, sweet jazz) and schmaltz (overly sentimental music). On the hot side of the scales was clam-bake (wild swing), dillinger (very hot swing), gut-bucket (lowdown blues), barrel-house (free and easy jamming, or improvising), and in the center collegiate (extremely slow swing).
Musicians (all of whom except the band leader were sidemen) were known in large part by their instruments, such as skin-tickler for drummer, squeaker for violinist, whanger for guitarist, or lip-splitter for any wood instrumentalist. A female singer was a canary; a paperman was a musician who could only perform using written music, and to fake was to play by ear.
The techniques of swing were all described in slang terms known to most fans. The basics of music were covered by slang--spots were notes, lay-outs were rests, frisking the whiskers or licking the chops was warming up, to jam was to play without any arrangement, to woodshed was to work out and practice a new song in private, to improvise was to kick out, and a musical embellishment in an improvisation was a break, get-off, lick, riff, or take-off.
To play with vigor and inspiration was to be in the groove, break it down, get hot, give it a ride, go to town, send, swing out. A hot passage or performance was a solid sender that would chill ya. Play louder? Wang it! Pick up the beat? Quit mugging light and mug heavy! After a gang (a medley of songs), the song worked into its sock chorus (final chorus of an arrangement), perhaps ending by easing it in (a soft finish).
Protein Facial
Poser = A wannabe Biker (i.e. Shiny new leather)
Pucker Factor = refers to how tight your ass got on a close call
Rainbows = Oil on the street
Rainbows in the Mountains = when angry locals in the mountains put diesel fuel in the corners in an effort to stop sports bikes street fighting
Ridin' Bitch = riding as Passenger, usually applied to a male in that position.
Road Gator = 18-wheel Tire Pieces
Road Rash = A Wipeout that scrapes off some of your skin
Scooter Trash = Any Biker
"Showed Him My Wheel" = Riding behind someone so close that he saw your wheel beside him.
Slabbing it = taking the Interstate Highway
SMF = Slow Mother F%^&er
SIPDE = An MSF term used to help you remember what to do when making judgments in traffic: Scan, Identify, Predict, Decide, Execute
SO = Significant Other (usually refers to someone's wife or husband)
Squid = Inexperienced newcomer, someone trying to ride beyond his skill level with arms flailing (like a squid) to try not to fall. This may be just a Southern term, submitted by Cha in Atlanta.
Squid (#2)= Stupidly Quick, Underdressed, Imminently Dead
Squid (#3) = Any SportBike Rider - seems this term got twisted along the way and has many meanings.
Squid (#4) = sportbike riders who wear tennis shoes or flip flops, shorts, tshirts, etc. on their nice shiny new sport bikes.
Squid (#5) = Comes from 2 words-squirrely & kid defined as: anyone that rides without all proper gear , rides recklessly, or rides beyond their limits.
Stoppie = Aviation of the rear wheel in an effort to stop quickly
T-CLOCK = Term used to help remember your Pre-Ride inspection: Tires, Controls, Lights (and electronics), Oils, Chassis (and chain) and Kickstand (make sure it's up)
Tar Snake = An uneven, slippery patch in a road crack
The Ton = 100MPH
Tuck = Crouched aerodynamically best riding position used to decrease drag and increase speed
Twisting The Wick = Speeding up, Roll on the throttle.
Twisties = Section of road with a lot of turns
T.W.O = Two Wheels Only, anyone who ONLY rides a bike (no Cage!)
Urban Tumbleweed = "Those damn plastic grocery sacks that either fly up onto a hot exhaust or into your face"
There seems to be several reasons for the use of these calls. The main reason had to do with shortening the time to place an order, and more importantly to help remember orders. It's human nature to remember things that are kind of funny, and most of these calls are amusing. Another reason had to do with protecting the feelings of the customers. If a customer quietly ordered a dose of citrate of magnesia, they probably would not appreciate a soda jerk announcing this to the rest of the patrons, so the discreet call of 'Mary Garden' would be used instead.
Another use of these calls would be to alert co-workers to certain situations without announcing the situation to the customers. A call of 'Ninety-five' would be an alert to co-workers that a customer is walking out without paying his bill. Likewise, a call of 'Fix the pumps' would let co-workers know to check out the girl with the large breasts! Some of the owners of soda fountains (and diner's) liked the use of these calls as they provided many benefits and they provided a little color to the common place.
Other owners did not want their employees to use the calls, particularly as some of their employees began to use colorful terms like 'Dog and maggot' for crackers and cheese. By the mid-1930's the use of these calls were on the wane. This coincided with the small drug stores, and diners that contained the soda fountains being purchased by the larger chains. The large chains felt that the use of these calls were unprofessional. Fortunately, there were two articles written that have recorded many of these calls for prosperity. "Linguistic Concoctions of the Soda Jerker" was an article written in 1935 for American Speech by Harold W. Bentley.
The expressions he recorded were from a large variety of soda fountains in the New York City area. Michael Owen Jones wrote the article "Soda-Fountain, Restaurant, and Tavern Calls" for Indiana University. For this article he had interviewed Paul Sinclair who had worked as a waiter for the Jayhawk Cafe, of Lawrence, Kansas, before WWII, and was the owner of the Jayhawk from 1946 to 1964. The calls used at the Jayhawk were in use from about 1937 (possibly earlier) to 1964 when Mr. Sinclair sold the cafe and the calls came to an end.
Many of the expressions that were used in one soda fountain would also be used in other soda fountains across the country. However, this was not always the case. Some calls occasionally had different meanings in different soda fountains, and it was common for a single item to have several expressions. 'Black and White' might have been a 'coffee with cream' in one place, and a 'chocolate malted milk' in another. Furthermore, a hot chocolate might be a 'Lacey Cup' in one soda fountain, and a 'Snow Shoe' in another. Regular customers also became acclimated to the calls and often started using them, thus helping to perpetuate them.
They could also effect a change in the calls. For instance, 'eighty-one' was the traditional call for a glass of water. Since a glass of water was one of the first things a waiter would provide a customer, as soon as a customer came into the soda fountain, a call of 'eighty-one' would go out. The customer mistook this call to mean 'a customer needed service' and that was how they started using the call (they would sit down and yell out 'eighty-one').
Lastly, the calls were not limited to just the items ordered. There were also calls for the number of items in the order, the size of items ordered, special instructions, and miscellaneous calls. When all these calls where put together an order would be formed. As an example "burn a crowd of van." Burn is a malted milk shake and it is assumed to be chocolate. A crowd is three, as in three's a crowd. Van is vanilla. So burn a crowd of van is "Three vanilla malted milk shakes."
'Sundae van, please' The structure of the calls was generally in the order of the item, the number of items, the size, any special instructions, and miscellaneous. However, considerations of brevity and clarity often determined the way in which separate items were united into a complete call; thus, a small glass of Coca-Cola is 'shoot one' and lemon flavor is 'to the left', but for a lemon flavored Coke, the call is 'shoot a left'.
It was also assumed that shakes and malts are chocolate flavored, Cokes are plain, and coffee is with cream. These calls are rare now, but still remain in long-time popular diners or small luncheon bars where the clientele are often 'regulars' and the atmosphere relaxed. If you know of one, you are enjoying a treat many, especially younger, people today have never tasted!
CYBERSPEAK: Language Is A Lockpick - Intro by MOE
[Definition of] "Cyberpunk" by Strafe Narkette. Poetic, efficient and romantic. Distance and passion, machine and man. Great f------ word.
It's been used to describe music, lifestyles and artistic sensibilities, but was originally coined to identify one narrow school of science-fiction writers, most notably William Gibson. Which is kinda funny when you consider that he knocked out Neuromancer on a typewriter, didn't know jack or jill about technology at the time, and probably used the profits from the book to buy his first leather jacket---but God, it was a good word...
Trouble is, the flatlines and mundanes grab on to a handle, (and that's what words are: handles on ideas) then forget what the handle is connected to. Soon, anything that ran on more than an AA battery had the prefix "cyber" sloshed across it like cat piss.
But what does "cyberpunk" really mean? It means Technology and Attitude. We don't all listen to music that sounds like a botched tracheotomy growling along with the spin cycle, and we don't all have large hunks of metal punched through our flesh, but there are what you might call some general rules of engagement. Cyberpunks love technology, number one, with a passion that many reserve for drugs. And while confident enough to be kind in most cases, the average Jane Smith Cyberchick is more than able to f--- you over royally if you give her any s---. That chunky thing on her belt probably is a telephone butt-in rig; that scary-looking scope on her pool cue probably is a laser sight. And if you really doubt her leather jacket contains some bizarro kind of weapon, your education might be in for some Ivy-League broadening before the sun sets.
Cyberpunks aren't sexist, racist, or even ethnocentric. They're equal-opportunity snubbers. They're better than everybody, flat-bang, and they have ways of reminding the forgetful. Remember the last time your company fired an employee, and the next day every single computer in your office was running an incomprehensible Japanese operating system that your MIS geek couldn't get rid of without taking the drives down to the metal? That was one of us.
Cyberpunk means better living through technology---and, unfortunately, sometimes things like revenge, spite and violence are part of life. Your average 'punks are aloof sorts, and if you absolutely force them into a meatspace confrontation you can count on the only rule being instant, maximum violence. No warning shots; a cyberpunk on the ropes goes nuclear, straight off. It's not a scruples thing, It's just faster, more convenient, and better style. You should even leave the gentle, geeky-looking ones alone; you have to wonder; if that four-eyed longhair is out-there enough to be sporting a Star Trek communicator on one side of his belt and an unregistered, ramped-up, air-propelled laser gun on the other, is this really someone you want to irritate? Logic!
People who talk about cyberpunks usually fall into one of two categories, and they're weird categories: Some don't believe in us. Some believe, and have a sort of excessive and unhealthy interest. The ones who don't believe in us---who think we're living out some kind of fantasy like kids wearing towels and playing Batman---are easy to fool, and that's good. The ones who have an excessive and unhealthy interest are even easier to fool, and that's just beautiful.
Should it bother me that some mower thinks he understands me because he's seen pathetic films like Hackers? Not a chance. Should I worry because the tie that runs the company I work for has no idea how I keep his network going? Nope. In fact, the less they know about me, the better. Let 'em think I'm breaking into the Pentagon for kicks. Let 'em lie awake at night wondering if the punk-ass kid on the corner is going to steal their credit cards with a laptop and 28.8 modem.
In the meantime, keep 'em guessing. Know the lingo, talk the talk. You can TCB without breaking a sweat or giving away your agenda. Drop a macro into a sentence and communicate fractal waves of meaning. Two words and your partner knows that what you guys are doing would probably be best kept quiet. With a quick phrase, he tells you that it's too late, they already know, and you might have said something sooner, dipshit. And the whole exchange happens right in front of someone who is unaware the conversation was more than a simple greeting.
I know information is power. I know the street has its own use for things. I know there ain't much you can't solve, given enough f------ RAM. I know the power of words.
Language is a tool. Most often it's a radio; sometimes it's a gun. Sometimes---and this is really the point I've been driving at---it's a lockpick, a handy way into rooms you aren't meant to see, corridors you aren't meant to tread. If you're up on the talk, the walk and the rules, you can play the game; you can even pick the game; and you can---if necessary---pick your friends' locks. The game gets nasty sometimes, and there are ultimately two choices---get busy winning or get busy losing.
Check, flatline---your move.
HUMOROUS ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. They have been floating anonymously around the net as long as I can remember but in case you have missed them, you're in for a treat! One has to give the writers an 'E' for Effort. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. On the menu of a Polish hotel:Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. They have been floating anonymously around the net as long as I can remember but in case you have missed them, you're in for a treat! One has to give the writers an 'E' for Effort.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: - English well talking. - Here speeching American.
