Saviors 3
I awoke the next morning relaxed for the first time in weeks. I lay there for several moments, just enjoying the feeling. Finally I opened my eyes.
And couldn’t remember where I was.
I looked around, trying to spot something familiar, but nothing was ringing any bells. I heard a noise and looked at the door in time to see Buffy poke her head in.
She smiled. "I see you finally decided to join the land of the conscious."
I yawned and grinned back. "Barely." It was all coming back to me. The popcorn, the movie.. Falling asleep…
I sat upright, eyes widening, mouth moving but nothing coming out. My dream rushed into my memory and set up residence.
"Oh my god.. " Hardly more than a whisper as my body tensed, ready to flee the terror welling up. Buffy quickly rushed to my side, sitting on the bed facing me.
"It’s ok. You’re safe." She took my hands in hers. "It’s day, he can’t get you."
In lightning flashes the nights events fell into place. ‘Gods. Vampires. I was bitten…’ it all ran together in my mind. And Buffy! How did she fit in, why was this.. creature.. out to hurt her? I looked at her. She must have saw the questions in my eyes for she shook her head.
"I know you must have so many things to ask me. And I’ll answer them as best I can. Later. Right now I need you to do the impossible. I need you to pretend everything is normal in Sunnydale and get ready for school."
I stared at her. Was she insane? Normal? School? How was I supposed to do that?
She pleaded. "Please. Not everyone knows about Sunnydale’s nightlife. Like our principal. And.. I can’t afford anymore trouble with him. I have to show up on time or he thinks I’m planning to lead a revolt in the halls." Softer. "Please."
I shut my eyes and drew in a deep breath. As I exhaled, I slowly boxed up my fear, my knowledge that things best left to imagination actually existed and went bump in the night. All my questions that chased each other around and around. Locked them up in the basement of my mind.
Opening my eyes I looked at Buffy. "Alright. But I reserve the right to completely freak at a later date."
She chuckled softly. "Deal. Freaking is totally reserved for you." Standing, she looked towards the door. "Willow’s in the shower, I’ve had mine. You’re next."
I nodded and laid my head back on the pillow.
Today was going to be a long day.
* * *
The following week was even longer.
Buffy had grown distant. After we’d gotten to school, we parted ways. She mumbled something about having to go to the library and I had to go to my locker. We didn’t meet up again until after second period. And something had changed. She seemed sad, wouldn’t meet my eyes and hardly spoke to me.
After a few minutes I grew uncomfortable enough to walk away.
It’d been like that ever since. I’d walk up in the halls and she’d make an excuse to leave right away, or just after. I slowly convinced myself that she had found out how I felt and was disgusted. Maybe I’d been too clingy. Obvious. And now…
I sighed and looked around. The sun was shining and I felt cold. Surrounded by students and I was alone. I looked around in hopes to see Buffy walking home after school. No luck. Looks like another night to be spent moping in my house.
*
I wandered around my room, desperately seeking something to take my mind off Buffy. Nothing was working. I’d been at it for hours.
I had to see her, I had to talk to her. It was becoming almost painful. I had an idea that I was trying hard to avoid. It would be a stupid move on my part. A very stupid move. There was no way I was going to do it.
None at all..
I grabbed my jacket, the cross necklace I’d taken to wearing and crawled out my window.
I walked quickly, fear making my steps faster than normal. My head swiveled on my neck, looking everywhere at once. Shadows danced beside me as I rushed through the night. I died a million times over at every sound around me.
Finally I turned down her street. I was almost there. Soon I’d be able to talk to her. Ask her why we weren’t talking. Ask her…
Why she was climbing out her window?
I frowned, my steps slowing unconsciously. She easily climbed down to the ground and head off away from me. I followed behind her, wondering where she was going. Wondering why I didn’t let her know I was there. She knew what hid under the cover of night. How could she stand to go out?
I lost sight of her a couple times, she was moving much faster than I. But I’d figured out where she was going. Only one thing lay in this direction.
‘What in the hell is she going to the cemetery for?’
I crept up to the edge of a tomb and peeked around it. Buffy was standing in a clearing talking to someone. But I couldn’t make out who it was. I moved silently to the other side and looked at the figure.
It was the school librarian! What could she possibly be doing meeting him, out here?? They were talking but I was unable to hear more than one word in twenty. Though I swear I’d heard my name mentioned. Afraid to creep any closer for fear they might hear me, I strained my ears, but it did no good.
I noticed then he carried a bag with him. It looked like.. An overnight bag. I shook my head. It couldn’t be.. Could it? She wasn’t…. The idea seemed completely absurd. But… why else would they be meeting here?
I jerked back to my surroundings as they began walking toward me. I hid behind a bush, crouching low, as they passed ten feet away. Their heads were together, talking quietly. Gods.. I must be dreaming. This couldn’t be true. Couldn’t be happening.
I waited until they walked off before creeping from my spot. I made my way back to my house in a daze. Trying hard to make sense of what I’d seen. Trying to find a different explanation. But coming up empty.
I guessed she had found out about my feelings. And I knew now they would never be returned. She was.. I didn’t complete the thought. I had to be wrong. I just had to. But deep down I knew I wasn’t. I couldn’t find any other explanation for the meeting.
I didn’t sleep at all that night.
* * *
Two can play the game. I hardly talked to her at school. I was hurt. Felt betrayed even though no promises had been made. Hell, no words had ever been spoken to imply. But she’d betrayed me. My image of her. My ideal was destroyed. And all my dreams with it.
I became withdrawn again. Not talking, not caring. Nothing mattered. The world didn’t care about me or anyone else. So why should I.
I paced my house nightly, sleeping even less than before. Felt as if the walls were closing in on me. I had to get out. I had to get away. Fear of the night kept me inside for almost a week. Then my thoughts drove me out.
I didn’t think of the danger, I didn’t care that something might happen. I was miserable and hurting. I hated that I loved her. Hated that it would never be returned. Hated that she was.. having an affair with an older man. I knew in my heart that had to be it. Anger began to replace the pain. Anger was better. Anger didn’t hurt as much.. Or it just covered it up. But that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
I walked the night, lost in my own world. Mind swirling around itself. Until I heard them.
Footsteps behind me.
I reached into my inner jacket pocket and gripped the small sharpened stake I’d made out of a brush. I waited until the footsteps were right behind me and spun around. I lashed out with the stake, hoping to strike quickly.
My hand was stopped, mid swing, and I was spun all the way around and pushed up against a tree.
"Its me!" Buffy yelled as I struggled. I stopped suddenly, head clearing up slightly.
"Buffy?" I was confused. Was I dreaming this? Or was she really here? Then the pain from being slammed into the tree flared up. Oh yeah, this was real.
"What are you doing out at night!?" She was furious. "You know what’s out here!"
Anger welled up, pushing back any gladness at seeing her. "So? What do you care anyway?"
She blinked and took a step back. "What on earth are you talking about? Of course I care!"
I laughed, surprised at how bitter I sounded. "Yeah.. That’s why you’ve hardly talked to me this past month." She looked at me puzzled, but I didn’t stop. "But lets not go there just yet. Better still, let me ask this. Why are *you* out here if its so dangerous?"
I stepped toward her.
Her face showed a range of emotions, most of which went too fast to identify. But I saw one I was sure was guilt before her expression went neutral. "I know how to take care of myself."
"Oh yeah. I bet you do. And you always have help, right?"
Puzzlement was back. "What are you talking about, Alex?"
"Like you don’t know." I didn’t even want to think it, much less say it. I was almost crying. I wasn’t ready to deal with this yet.
"Alex. I have no clue what you’re getting at." She started to sound annoyed. "Would you please tell me so I can at least respond to your accusations?"
I shook my head. I couldn’t get the words past my mouth. I didn’t want them to be true.
She threw her hands up in the air. "What is it with you? You’ve gotten, and pardon me for saying it, but a bitchy air about you lately. What the hell is wrong?"
I felt trapped. She wasn’t going to let this go.
And she wasn’t done. "So please tell me what you’re talking about so I can at least understand why."
It was now or never. I snapped.
"Understand what?? I’m not the one who started this. You’re the one who began pushing me away. All I ever wanted was to be your friend. I find out my world isn’t what I thought. I’m unable to ask you any questions because you asked me not to. Then you hardly talk to me." She tried to say something but I talked right over her. "So how am I supposed to deal with that? Not too damn well! So I go out one night to talk to you. Because I can’t stand it anymore." I paced away for a second, then turned back around.
"And you know what I saw?? You climbing out your window." She got a really nervous look on her face and my stomach began to roll. "So I followed you. Yeah, I know it wasn’t right, but I wasn’t thinking about that. I was trying to figure out why you would even think about setting foot outside alone."
I laughed bitterly. "Well, I certainly know the reason now."
"You.. do…?"
I nodded. "I followed you to the cemetery. I saw you meet with…" I couldn’t finish. The words died in my throat.
"You.. did..? What.. did you see?"
I tried to keep the tears back. "I saw you meet him.. He had a bag. And you walked off together. I didn’t care to see anything else so I went home."
I turned away, blinking frantically. I heard her sigh behind me. "Its not what you’re thinking."
"Yeah right. What other reason could you have had?"
"One I should have told you long before now. But didn’t to keep you safe."
I turned to face her, not worried about her seeing me cry. "Safe? In this town?"
"Yes, safe. I have the ultimate joy of being The Chosen One. Which means my future career is being a Vampire Slayer. Its what I do, its who I am. Retirement options are minimal."
I let that turn over in my mind for a minute. "That still doesn’t explain…"
"Giles is my Watcher. He knows all the lore that’s needed to stop the things that go bump in the night here. He helps me train with weapons and martial arts." She tried a smile. "Tries to get me to think of it a little more seriously than I do."
In a true testimony to my unsettled mind, I took this at face value and believed it. Relief washed through me as well as embarrassment. The fool’s hat was mine again. "Why do I believe that so easily?"
She half smiled. "Cause its the truth. Now its your turn in this. Why are you out tonight?" Her eyes held worry, fear and slight anger.
I sighed. "I needed to get out and think. I couldn’t stay cooped up in my house any longer." I prayed that was enough.
"Think about what?"
No such luck.
"Things.. This whole.. vampire situation." I grimaced a little. "You and the libra- Uh.. Giles."
"It was a stupid thing to do." She said it so matter of fact that I missed the meaning at first.
"What?"
"You heard me. It was stupid. Night is not a time to go wandering on your own. No matter the reasons."
I spoke without realizing it. "You ever hurt so badly that your mind did nothing but twist on it all day long? Night gives you no respite? Your dreams are filled with it?" I shook my head. "Sometimes you have to go for a damn walk. It’s not life threatening."
She looked at me for a long moment. Softly. "Yes. I do know what that’s like. Maybe you should hear the story of Angel." She walked off a few feet and looked into the night sky. She told me a story of connected souls torn apart by a curse lifting. Of heartbreak that had me crying silently. A story that ripped at me because I wanted to hold her and make it better. So lost within my thoughts that I answered her next question without thought.
"So what hurt you so badly?" She gazed at the moon, a few feet to my side.
I looked to her. "Loving you." I froze as the words left my mouth, finally listening to that corner of my brain that tried to shut me up.
She’d stopped and looked at me, mouth dropped slightly.
I sputtered, trying to cover up what I’d said, trying desperately to find some way to take it back. But time escaped me and the words hung between us.
Her eyes captured mine and I was unable to look away. I wanted to crawl into some hole and forget I existed.
"You.." Her head tilted. "What did you say?"
I swallowed heavily. "N.. nothing."
Shaking her head she took a step closer. "No. You said something alright."
I tried to back up, but hit the tree. "I said.. I… Oh gods. I’m going to die of embarrassment." My eyes closed. I waited for the disgust, the laughter. A physical blow. I was going to have to move—
I felt her step closer and braced myself.
"No.. You’re not going to die." The words were soft, and close. I pried one eye open. She was right in front of me.
"I think it’d be best if I did." I was beyond embarrassed. This was new territory.
"I don’t." She sounded… awed, for lack of a better comparison.
"Why?"
"Because then I couldn’t do this."
"Wha—"
The word never finished as she leaned forward and kissed me.