How to make a Copy of 'N Sync... without using your copy machine
How to Create an 'N Sync Rip Off
So you think they're one of a kind, huh? Think again. It's as easy as 1-2-3 to make a band out of a bunch of dorks. Read on.
Alex here... I set out to answer the question: How would you create another group just like 'N Sync? This is pretty much what I came up with:
Go down to the ghettoest part of your town and look for the only white boy tryin to fit in. Pick him up. Ask him his name. If he says anything other than "Justin," tell him his new name is Justin. If he argues, make him an offer he can't refuse. ...Cash, of course. *what'd you think I was gonna say? tsk, tsk, tsk, u lil perve* He should say agree, if he doesn't, lose him, he's no good.
After finding your "Justin," *which only took about 15 minutes of arguing with the 1st prospect, whose name used to be ::ahem:: "Juquan the Ghetto-Dawgg Violator" ...I'm guessin he made that one up after listening to some rap song on his way to the Country Club* You haul your "NSYNCMOBILE" down to the local crack-head corner. Take a look at all the druggies down there. Pick one up, preferrably one that has brown hair, and he's gotta be skinny. Tell him his brand new nickname is "JC." He's way too high to argue. Merely mumbles sumthin bout "New stuff" and "pretty colors."
You realize your "Justin" is trying to mack on you, and your "JC" is sniffing anything and everything in site, including you. Think that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Then you remember what Lou Pearlman says, "Do anything it takes to make money." Allow them to continue with their antics, reminding yourself that that's what the real ones do anyway.
Call your friend's friend's cousin's friend in Mississippi to find you an albino. Arrange for him to be flown to your city and teach him the line, "Cuz I'm from Mississippi." Then tell him to use that as a reason/excuse for everything. Also throw in that he should say it at least once in every interview/appearance. *If you live in Mississippi then instead of calling someone, you just go out and find some albino who just happens to be walking down the street (work with me here)*
Go down to the local whorehouse and ask if they have a pimp. Five "escort centers" later, you find an Italian Pimp... Perfect! He's even wearing the same outfit Joey wore to the BillBoard Music Awards. He tells you his name and asks if you need a "real man to satisfy those crazy cravings." You realize the name he just gave you was Joseph Anthony Flarone. That is frighteningly close. You propose your idea. He asks if you're included in the deal. You tell him if he doesn't lay off, you're leaving. He backs off and you take him with you.
By now "Justin," "Joey," and "JC" are trying to get their mack on with you. Ok, so JC's doin something more like sniffing you and getting high off your perfume. You're unbelieveably glad you only have to pick up one more member.... Off to the nursing home.
At the nursing home, you ask the receptionist how many old men are crazy enough to wear dreadlocks and dance onstage. She informs you she doesn't have any patients like that, but there's that one 28-yr old nurse.... You ask her where you can find him. She gets up, rings a bell and in comes... a pug. Oh wait, some guy's following it. You're feeling very, very lucky. The guy's name turns out to be Chris, and he's a Busta Rhymes fan. You ask what the dog's name is, propose your deal, and leave with Chris. He told you the dog's name was _____*insert your favorite name for a dog there*... you figured, Hey, we can always say his name's Busta in interviews.
Now, driving your pretty full NsyncMobile, you head off to the nearest record company to pitch your group. *You lil Lou Pearlman, you* Now you have 'N Sync, Version 2.0. 'N Sync better watch their backs after you're done workin these boys til they're a finely tuned money-making machine.
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